Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Painting, sanding, closing and other holiday mishaps

Well I am sitting in the real estate office about to close on our home/investment property. This has been quite the...experience My mother has warped into GiGi in her cool new wig - (I'll post pics forth coming) and the weekend went much without event. The tuckpointing guy didn't show up... twice... the electrician didn't do all the work we wanted - ran out of time - still got paid the same..figures. Don't know when the plumber is gonna show, but we've budgeted his money into close. Daddy came by and showed Jerry the fine art of spackling and sanding. So the hall way will get painted. We fixed the screen, and when I say we I mean Jerry. He imerged as Wonder Hubby - able to fix all his pre-wifes meltdowns before they even occur. Able to juggle a manic mother-in-law, a grandmother who knows everything and a wife who's bouncing off of walls with one infant on hip! Randomly I post reasons why I love that man - closing this house provided me with like a hundred. Makes me want to do sexy things for him - like laundry.
Am I turning you on baby? Yeah I thought so - gimmie that downy!!! YEAH BABY!!!

Monday, May 30, 2005

My life contains Opera

Okay -quick post -

Jerry and I were reading parent blogs and ended up on Wil Wheaton's blog (he's a stepparent) and he blogged recently thathe has mono. Jerry the compasionateone that he is, tried to expain to me just how horrible mono is, Saying its like the really mild form of rabies in that you feel so thirsty but can't hold down any liguids. Then he burstinto operatic song

"I want a drink" in high pitched Bugs bunny opera voice
"I can't have it!" in low register Elmer Fudd opera voice

Repeat three times.

And you wonder why I'm marrying him? His entertainment value alone makes him worth it.

P.S new pictures of the baby online on the Yahoo link look for the album titled May photos.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Confessions of a fan

There are few things that I love more than a good CD. A really good, really well produced CD except maybe a really good artist who has solid entertainment value and morals, who I can believe has his/her best long term interests at hand and is clear on their role as a member of the black public community, and I can let my Kid hear - age appropriate of course.
I say all of this because I am pleased to say Usher has climbed a little higher up my list of "he's not so bad" artists out there. I know, I know, I too saw the VH1 Fabulous Life of...Usher. From the shows web site and I quote:
When Usher hits the hottest spots in Hollywood, Hotlanta and
NYC, he never travels lightly. He always packs an army of bodyguards, a doting
entourage, the finest cigars on the market and a pocket full of serious cash.
When it comes to parties, this playa spares no expense. From exotic animals to
masquerades to free-flowing Dom Perignon, his star-studded soirees make history.

And when he needs some down time he cools off in his five bedroom
Georgia estate, tricked out with a recording studio, luxury pool, fully-loaded
guest house and driveway crowded with the ultimate fantasy cars. Even when he's
far from home, Usher stills lives like a prince in presidential suites at five
star hotels. At the $3,800 a night Beverly Hills L'Hermitage, he is pampered by
staff that know how treat their elite guests.

I know you watched it too, in the middle of the night with your crew like "What are you making us watch?" I know I was like "why does any one man need over 500 hundred pair of blue jeans?" ummm... really? I need Usher to send me a memo and explain it to me. You can really get by on like 10 pair, if you ballin (and I'm not) MAYBE 50 for your personal wardrobe. but dang to buy every pair in the store whether they are you size or not - just so nobody else can have them (until they get a new shipment- did we forget shipment comes EVERY Thursday Usher?) Anyway - before he climbs back down my list let me continue on my quest to give this man a positive spin.
Why you ask? Because we as a people need to find the positivity where ever we can. Most people aren't aware how much of the wealth among African Americans is held by entertainers and athletes, by no means all of it but enough of it to warrant some education among those who hold that wealth and among those who watch them. SO this is my moment of positivity for Usher who while is a spend-a-holic, actually has some sense.
On the Forbes website they have a article about Mr Raymond in which they highlight the bling bling thought process of your average entertainer. They also note the tendency of our major starts to find themselves in court trying to figure out just how much of their bling a chapter 13 will salvage. (TLC, M.C.Hammer and Michael Jackson are mentioned most notably) But the positive aspect of the Usher article was not necessarily him in anyway. It was his surrounding cast. Ushers MOManager has assembled a strong team of business managers, investment persons,image consultants , ect who are totally responsible with her for her sons image. As they should be, it is not Jus the artist we should be working to educate it is also the cast of people who create them. She chose smartly people who are more concerned with Ushers development as a man than just as a icon. The article mentions his lack of father figure, (while I do want to mention the number of black men stepping up and being active fathers in growing by leaps and bound - thank you brothers) but also mentions the fact that his business manager while of couse is concerned with his fiscal self is more concerned with his mental financial education and development. Usher says he has spent less than 10% of his total earnings, squirreling away the rest in fixed-income investments, blue-chip stocks and real estate, why? His Business manager is a stickler for sound spending, they understand the difference between generating cash and creating wealth and they are trying to teach our young stars. Why do I even care? Because in todays world that is flashed at our kids full of bling bling and ads and how to spend and what to inquire - I want my child to see that long term spending and planning is more important than what you want right now (see previous post about our home buying) Our people should want that as a whole. White people with any base of money - uppermiddle class and the like are very clear on what wealth building is. Black people are about generating cash and it is the most major crippling aspect of our community.
Sorry got a little off point back to my point: Usher.
Why do I care? I care because we need more media coverage on artists who are trying to build a better base for themselves and our communities. Do you even know Usher put up one million dollars for an african american bank and he owns part of an NBA team? But we know how much he spends on cars, and alcohol. I know Master P has a car with a Gucci paint job but I don't know what his investment habits are. And our kids need to know that life whether it be the fiancial good life or the "ohh my god you make how much?!?" life all comes with limits and responsibilities and video hoes and gold teeth are not where it is at. I need Jay-Z to make an album talking about investment strategies and the hustle that got him to the head of Def Jam, not the drug dealing he did to get by when he was 17, we got that album - I need some more from our artists and media outlets, and I'll take this article from Forbes and
Usher as a down payment.
Usher is a good kid. I have alot more respect for him after reading this article, I've always loved his music and style. He clearly comes form a good family and has a lot of things going for him. And he's only 26. Your twenties are for making STUPID mistakes, I know I got a bunch back there, (like I'm not right with Usher in age) but being smart is keeping people around you who can keep you grounded and are smarter than you. Good luck Usher, I'm rooting for you.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

My future as a parent...and then my parenting nightmare - appearing in that order...

kid in vending
Originally uploaded by Queue_D.

Yes, that’s a 3-year-old boy.

In his PJs.

Sitting inside a toy vending machine, the kind with the claw that picks up toys.

In Walmart.

Somewhere in Indiana.

During the 3 o’clock hour.

In the a.m.

This is how The Washington Post reported the story:

“ELKHART, Ind. -- A 3-year-old boy upset that his mother wouldn't let him use a crane vending machine to try to win a small stuffed animal took matters in his own hands. He climbed up the chute to get the prize himself.

Danielle Manges said she took her eyes off her son, James, for a moment to pick up a juice bottle he threw. When she looked up, he was in with the plush toys. ‘I bent over to clean it and within two seconds he had climbed through the hole, into the chute and pushed the door shut so we couldn't get him out,’ she said. ‘He climbed up in the toys and was in there for a good hour.’”

Some key questions:

Why were they shopping at 3:30 in the morning? The mother told reporters that she decided to do the super-early shopping because the boy’s sleep schedule had been off-kilter due to a recent illness. I can identify for me since college the best way to shop Wally World is the middle of the night – tha why they leave them open 24 hours anyway .

Mom was looking away and this happened that quickly? Mom says yes. According to a BBC report, the mom said that this child “had become adept at climbing out of his playpen, doors and even windows. I can identify I swear kids can move at the speed of light as soon as you stop looking at them – See Cammy fly down stairs at 10 months old….

How did he get out? The fine folks at the local fire house broke the kid out after store managers couldn’t find a key to the vending machine.

The mom took pictures? Yes, in a classic Lynette Scavo move (mom of “Desperate Housewives” fame), the pregnant mom bought a disposable camera and took pictures of the entire event, no doubt to commemorate it in a family scrapbook. I would have had my digital I’m sure….

Did the kid get a toy as a souvenir? No, the mom told the Associated Press, unless you count the photos. I would’ve kept one for the scrap book..

Student-teacher matrimonials


Remember that sexual offender and former sixth grade teacher Mary Kay Letourneau well she married her former student (whom she met when he was her 12-year-old student) on last Friday. As you may recall from the sordid news stories, the two lovebirds -- now ages 43 and 22 -- have two children, the second of whom Letourneau gave birth to while she was serving 7.5 years in prison for child rape. And this is T.V people? Jerry was sickened by the display, Granny thought it was amusing. I after watching seasons and seasons of shows like the bachelor/bachelorette, wife swap, What ever the adoption show was, not surprised unfortunately, then proceeded to watch Amber and Rob tie the knot after proving to be two of the less desirable people on the planet. I had to watch, actually I just didn’t turn the channel – there is a difference.

While some people, once convicted of a sexual offense, might opt to conduct their lives in private, Letourneau and her groom, Vili Fualaau, chose instead to highlight their wedding festivities on “Entertainment Tonight,” which is featuring them as a celebrity couple. I can’t be mad if someone was willing to pay for the right to air Jerry and my wedding we’d do it in a heartbeat. Alas it has been mentioned by Jerry he would have to me a woman recovering from a sex change operation and I’d have to be suffering from some life threatening stupidity that catapulted me into mediocre celebrity – poetry withstanding. Its been on all week they aired each piece of the reception and actually showed you the whole thing in clips then just aired it all continuously one good time and called that T.V. (Remember, this is an EXCLUSIVE!) The "entertainment news” program is prominently featuring the story of this exclusive footage of the sex offender and her betrothed with the online headline, “Mary Kay & Vili’s Wedding!” (Yes, they included an exclamation point.)

Is it just me, or do the words “entertainment,” “celebrity” and “convicted sex offender” seem odd when used together?

Thanks to the other bloggin mom who I saw this posted on first. I just added my thoughts to hers She is my sister in Blogging - I gotta find her again!

Homeward boud or rather investment bound...

Home buying sucks. It's an endless maze of opinions, in the form of appraisals  and payoffs in the form of fees. And the worst part of all of this is I'm not getting what I want out of this purchase. Over a hundred thousand dollars and I can't get what I want! A home. I get investment properties.  My landlord is getting jittery and dramatic but I said that was gonna be his M.O from the very beginning. Our neighbor is selling a unit very nearby for a lot more money and now he's very very nervous.   Feels like he's getting the short end of the real estate stick, so he's bad mouthing us to the neighbors he never sees normally because he's absent tee - unless his old friends are having a party then he's around - he was totally taken back by all the things the in inspection report. He claims we (both us and the guys upstairs) never told him all the things that were wrong with the house but who lives with moldy walls and never calls their landlord? Really? My real estate agent is my mother - enough said. My future tenant is not being very helpful. And actually he's not even my tennant he's just staying with the guy untill he finds an apartment. The guy who lives upstairs is in Florida. This should not be as difficult as it is or has been.  


Random thought: I need to rent a rototiller for the gardens.


 Don't get me wrong, it is what is best for our family. Establishing rental income, building wealth, capitalizing on a great opportunity, ect ect and so forth. But I wanted to find a place to call home.  I wanted to buy a place Cammy could grow up in. Make memories in – where our family can grow- Jerry and I agree on at least one more child  (he wants two – that's another post) I wanted to find a home we could have that family in and not need to move again when the baby is four- who wants to move with a toddler? I wanted to plant my herb garden and not have to use portable pots because we don't know hat next year will bring, wanted to mold and fold some home around us. But I guess more than that I didn't want to move. Which was why I gave my vote for buying our apartment building. I hate moving in general, and I understand why we have chosen this way I really do. I sometimes just want to be regular and not know any better.

Just buy a house and live in it… But I guess that was what renting was for the most part. Just living in it. Anywho, its all neither here nor there. We close soon and can start fixing all the stuff that we know is wrong. Try and make our tenants happy – get the downstairs unit ready for renting and then maybe I can get my home.  


Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Me at a glance

Big ups to Mobrowne whos blog I jacked for these questions:

what i am reading right now:
The Bondwoman’s Narritave and a few random collections of poetry
what i am listening to:
Jill Scott and The Buena Vista Social Club
what i am wearing:
Green wide neck summer sweater and black Cargo capris.
what i am working on:
New poetry and closing on our home .
what i look forward to:
summer fun. The wedding! Owning the house, Re- landscaping the yard, Completing my CD by end of year, traveling a little bit more…
what annoys me:
Dramatic Gay people (my landlord in particular), self pity, unjust opinions – especially my own, bad drivers, My dog
what motto i live by:
This fish needs a bicycle. A response to the statement a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle – and a zillion moments in the bible
what i want to change about myself:
my ability to hold grudges – dispite feeling as though I have forgiven someone, My moodiness which rears its head at all the wrong moments the need to feel accepted by people who in the long run I don’t really care about .
what i love about myself:
i am loyal and I work hard at being the best person I can.
what i dreamt last nite:
i don’t retain dreams most times unless God is talking to me… and then I get a lot of Déjà vu
what i'm feenin' for:
Traveling – getting away with my kid and my man.
what i regret:
the way I ended with Etefia ( a little harsh for me) Staying with Aaron So long, Not thinking of my self sooner, Not knowing how.
what i learned:
Life is honestly what you make it…
where i would move if i left STL:
I’m not sure, I want to be in a area that feeds my creativity (NYC) but I can’t live there… I love the country (Montana) but …. Its MONTANA, I thought about Las Vegas..but the lights would get me an dI’d be in Gamblers Anon in like six months , Chicago is too cold in the winter. Hawaii Would rock but Jerry doesn’t like Iving on islands. My answer is I don’t know
what is my biggest mistake:
Not majoring in education like I wanted when in college
what inspires me:
my daughter, my man, my family and certain contemporary poets.
what's my favorite outfit:
a zillion outfits I don’t own cause I was too busy taking care of everybody else.
what's my favorite word:
what's my biggest secret:
i don't have any.
what is the biggest lie i ever told:
I love you – to a guy I really just liked and not even a lot.

Monday, May 23, 2005

My dreams of Assata

Mos Def on Assata Shakur

I am, I believe, the worst kind of revolutionary. The kind that exists the most through out Nubian America. I know there is a problem and I know there is a struggle. I know we need to fight it but I'm so busy living I don't have time to fight the battles. I know black people need to unify, I don't have the energy to research and review to find the fight that fits my beliefs and fight it. I know my voice should be heard but I can't neglect my family, my child to make the world better for her or her children. I know if someone doesn't say it no one will hear. But I cannot fight the fight the revolution asks me for. I work for corporate America. My family has a large group of non black friends. I am the safe negro on most occasions. I am the one those non black friends can ask the stupid questions that have been burning in their minds but know they can't ask just anyone. So I fight where I can. I make the best of what I can, do the little things that I can. Say the things that I believe and learn more so I can do better.

My lesson last week was presented by professor Mos Def on Assata. I have read her autobiography. And hope to read more of her work soon. Courtesy of Take a left here is a little back ground

Assata Shakur was a Black Panther Party member in New York. The Black
Panther Party was a revolutionary and socialist party that was greatly feared by
FBI head J Edgar Hoover, who led a campaign of repression in which dozens of BPP
leaders were murdered and many more jailed on trumped up charges. Assata ended
up in jail in the 1970s and broke out of jail in 1979 and went into exile in
Cuba, where she received political asylum. In recent weeks, New Jersey
government officials in collaboration with the Dept of Homeland Security
increased the bounty on Shakur's head to $1 million, and added her to the US
government's official "terrorist" list.

In reading and reviewing researching this this - I was sure things couldn't have gotten that bad for the U.S that they are now trying to convince the public that Assata Shakur is a Terrorist? It has been theorized and I agree honestly that the U.S has placed this title on Miss Shakur so they have some response to Cuba's claim that the U.S is harboring a terrorist Luis Posada Carriles. It's pretty transparent what the U.S. regime intends by accusing Cuba of harboring "terrorists" in granting Assata Shakur political asylum. So they can say "well you got a Terrorist so we can have one too!" Two points stand out to me in this situation.
1. Who granted the U.S the all knowing power to determine who is and is not a terrorist? The U.S government has not recognized the Venezuelan title of terrorist on a man how as been tried and convicted of that same type of crimes committed against the U.S on 9/11. He has been accused and convicted of blowing up a 747 and killing 73 people. Noted in an article about the situation with Luis it is reported that;
Castro led a crowd reportedly numbering in the hundreds of thousands past
the U.S. mission in Havana and called the United States hypocritical in the war
on terrorism for not arresting Posada.
"This is not a march against the
people of the United States," Castro said. "It is a march against terrorism, in
favor of life and of peace."
Castro has castigated the U.S. about Posada's
presence in Florida in regular television addresses, questioning how he could
enter the country undetected given the increased border security after Sept. 11
and calling for his extradition.

Castro has made it clear how he feels about the situation see here. The parallel between the two stories aren't that similar to me and that the U.S has decided that Standing against the government is cause to be called a Terrorist, one day blogging these thoughts will make me a terrorist, and my second question would be - would I still do it?or How do you define terrorist?
Though Shakur has been branded a terrorist, federal officials have shown no such zeal for bringing to justice Luis Posada Carriles, whose terrorist credentials are far more authentic. He is rumored to have been involved in terrorist activities all over the world including rumors of involvement in the Kennedy assination . And this guy gets held on Charges of not declaring himself before he applied for asylum in Miami? But you rack up the bounty on a woman who it has been medically proven could not have committed the crimes she is convicted of? In a seperate artilce is was noted:

Posada, according to his lawyer, slipped into this country last month and is
in South Florida awaiting a decision on his request for political asylum. That's
right, this guy, who was convicted in 2000 for his role in a plot to assassinate
Fidel Castro, wants the Bush administration to harbor him.
The Cuban and
Venezuelan governments also accuse Posada of involvement in the 1976 bombing of
a Cuban airliner that killed 73 people and a 1977 Havana hotel bombing that
killed an Italian tourist.
But instead of sending the FBI to Florida to flush out Posada and cart him
off for trial in Venezuela, which has requested his extradition, the Justice
Department waffles. It won't say what it will do if Posada is apprehended.
Rather than offer a bounty for Posada, who in 1998 admitted his role in a series
of Cuban hotel bombings (he later recanted), the Bush administration has only
acknowledged it has received his asylum request. That it was not summarily
rejected is outrageous, but not surprising.
Orlando Bosch, a Cuban exile who
for many years was a close associate of Posada, has lived in South Florida since
1990, when President George H.W. Bush stopped the Justice Department from
deporting him. At the time, the Justice Department concluded that the only
country willing to take Bosch was Cuba, the main target of his terrorist acts.
The Bush administration balked, fearing that he might be mistreated.
Advocate of terrorism?
The deportation order that was overturned said
Bosch had been "resolute and unwavering in his advocacy of terrorist violence"
for 30 years. In 1968, Bosch was convicted of firing a bazooka at a Polish
freighter in Miami's harbor. Like Posada, Bosch is wanted in Cuba and Venezuela,
which suspect him of involvement in the Cuban airliner attack.
What bothers
me is that while these men, whose suspected crimes fit the State Department's
definition of terrorism, haven't set off Justice Department alarm bells, Shakur
is being treated like a disciple of Osama bin Laden. If she killed Foerster (her
attorney argues the evidence suggests otherwise), Shakur should be returned to
New Jersey to spend her life in prison.
By not proclaiming that it will
arrest Posada on sight and deport him, the Bush administration caters to those
in the Cuban exile community who view him as a freedom fighter - and undermines
its leadership of the fight against terrorism.
Article from Usa today By
DeWayne Wickham

People wonder why the US governmnet frustrates so may African Americans, why we can't say Bush's or many presidents names with out tasting bile on our tounges, why we don't trust police unless we are realted to them in most cases, why the lines are so strongly drawn in our minds, its not just the history of slavery, although it should be on so many levels, not just segragation, not just jim crow laws, and false imprisionments, cointelpro, the KKK, the coutless other groups that have made hate a daily factor for black americans like sunrises and oxygen, its ALL of them piled on our backs and then thrown in our faces when the hyporcasy of the system is paraded in our faces the way this has been or when it has been hidden as this has been. Because if you don't live in Florida, where Luis Posada lived, you probably hadn't hear any of this? have you?

I'm hoping I've made it clear how I feel about the situation too. Maybe one day I'll be a better revolutionary. I'll teach my daughter better, show her the truth sooner so she can do better in her youth than I did.

My words to Assata, I'm trying to do better my sister and my thoughts and prayers are with you!!!


It was an accident.. I didn't mean to like her!

Laura Bush's Overseas trip

I'm not supposed to like Laura Bush. But I do. shes got spunk and carisma, its like she's the brains of that opperation. She's been in the news lately and is possibly the only reason I can imagine some people still sticking by W - "I mean Laura still likes him...." Her cute ribbing of the president during the White House Correspondents Association dinner was like seeing a great opening act before the headliner tanks. Her ease and polish showing during the protests of her middle east visit, Laura bush reminds me of the moms of my friends in college. Like she would send stuff and remember to mention all the right friends in letters and phone calls to her kids who are away. She, the perfect mom to be the buffer between ids and a imperfect dad. But kids grow up and see past mom, to who dad really is and with so many questions unanswered or the answers being not what the american public wants to beleive it really does make me wonder what a nice girl like Laura is doing with a guy like W- then again I wondered what Monica saw in Bill too. Since I rarly agree with W most people will right this off as Bush bashing- for me Bush bashing is way too easy, I've chosen a more challenging route, I'm trying to understand why Bush chooses the way he does. Sometime I really think he's doing what he beleives is the right thing, sometimes I think he's got people pulling his strings, including daddy Bush, and he still beleives hes doing the right thing. Sometimes I think like most politics its all about money and how much he can get or set up for later, Some times I wonder if my voice can be heard and if it even makes a difference if I disagree the status quo. But I talk anyway and I like Laura too. go figure.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Thank you temple of nothing

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.


Man PMS, Kiddie Sandals and a Need to Write

Today I wanted to write some poetry but my mind has not wrapped around the idea, so I have decided that I need to read more poetry. I like to read poetry it makes me remember moments I might not have held on to otherwise and thus spurs poetry of my own. I also like to read a rhyming dictionary. Very soothing and typically starts a poem by the fourth or fifth page of rhymes. Jerry says I'm cheating when I read or use a rhyming dictionary – I don't agree. It worked before and I write better when I'm immersing my self in the elements of writing, poetry and language. So (imagine my tongue sticking out here.)


J has been rather sensitive lately- don't try and tell me men don't suffer from PMS. They do – he heard me compare him to an 80gig hard drive and assumed I was telling someone about his Gigabytes when I was talking about him being my own personal storage space- but apparently my gig was corrupt yesterday and needed to be reformatted, can you believe that?!? And what's wrong with 80 gigs? You gotta pay extra for all that space anyway in most computers that's an upgrade. Most women would be glad to get 80 gigs in their PC I know I was.


Anyway the Girl is becoming her own little person, she knows what she wants and is trying to find the words to tell us what it is. She got new sandals with the little piece that slips between her toes – that was a new thing for her. She was a little confused at first She lifted her foot off the ground as if to show me and get me to take it off. Shook her foot, and stood real wide as if she didn't want to actually walk in them. Then she stooped down to play with her toes and get a closer look at the thing between her toes before she decided it was alright. After about ten minutes with her new shoesshe was happy to have her feet out and was walking like a pro in her sandals! Viva La Shoes!!!

Monday, May 16, 2005

The baby adventures

Cam spent the weekend with her Grandmother- my mom. Digging in the garden, again, and eating dirt apparently. Two people never got along better. My mom has turned out to be a wonderful grandmother. She loves coming to get her grandbaby, thinks of her all the time, calls her to see how she is and to talk to her. They are two very lucky people to have each other.


Cammy went on her first trip to the Butterfly House Sunday. The first thing everybody has said since I told them we went is, "What is it?" It's a nature preserve that houses over 1200 butterflies and a tropical butterfly garden in a glass house. St Louis has one in our suburbs, it is a piece of the Missouri Botanical Garden – it is located in Faust Park in Chesterfield. It was beautiful, Cammy was intrigued by the little flying insects, not scared by any means. She wasn't overly excited until we let her down and allowed her to chase them – that got her attention. Along with all the little kids there. She was in heaven. She needed a nap though – most of the day and I being the mommy genius that I am- Didn't pick up the signs until full blown tantrum had ensued. She slept like a log for two hours after. J wanted to try to chocolate covered Ants and stuff from the gift shop- can you say hellz naw! This ain't fear factor and I'm not trying to win fifty g's. (slang terms were necessary to show the force in which I was NOT eating chocolate covered insects). He settled on salsa (no bugs) and blackberry jam for granny from the gift shop. Cammy's godparents came, Ti and To. (from now on to be referred to as TiTo) We all took a turn on a swing. Cammy LOVED that- and so did Ti for that matter she looked about 8 years old swinging on that swing, fretting about her hair. It was great.


The butterflies were beautiful. They had so many different types and colors and patterns and SIZES – some of those were huge. And they were just as content with one another pleased to be fluttering about. And we were pleased to be watching, it was very relaxing. Made me wish life were that simple. That easy to get along with people, that easy to enjoy all of life. That easy to show my daughter all the beauty and color in the world.

Weekend poets; for the love of the mic

Weekends- Its was a good weekend when you need to come to work to rest. As I mentioned before, in my former life I was a performance poet. And more than that I was a host for the city of St. Louis to countless poets who travel and perform for a living. It was honestly something that fell on my head out of nowhere. (Thank you Mar Hill!!)

Since I fell from amongst the trusted, persecuted for being a friend when the crimes were committed against me, that friendship burned me deep, thus my involvement in the poetry scene faltered. I then got pregnant and being determined to keep my child from all negative influences physical and spiritual, I withdrew further from that life. Ultimately I stopped hosting poets in general, stopped traveling, stop performing, it seemed like the right thing for my sanity at the time. My heart was too hurt, and as much as I missed it, I was better with out it. The scene has faltered a bit, it is not the vibrant, creative, place it was before. The poets are not as strong. The hearts are not as big. The hunger is dismissed for kiddie fruit snacks; cute and tasty for a second but – no meat. But again I missed it. So I find myself occasionally showing up at my old stomping grounds waiting to be inspired by someone anyone, more real than Def Poetry re-runs. More often than not, staying in for fear of being disappointed.

But this weekend I got a little piece of the past. A dear friend Taalam Acey, professional poet made a tour stop in St. Louis and hit a few of our local open mics, and he was fabulous. I used to aspire to be like him as a performer, but as of late he simply inspires me to be the best performer I can possibly be. I have learned there are too many poets who try to emulate poets they admire instead of simply developing their own voice. I think that is my goal now, to finish loving poetry. Hold hope for my scene, be in it for me and the poetry alone. Listen and love it.

Anyway back to Taalam. He did such a wonderful job he commands a crowd so well. Maybe that’s the part I envy. I can get a crowd going good. He can rip a show from nothing. You know a audience who seems to be dead in their chairs – he can set them on fire. I haven’t tried that in ages. I write like smoldering coals – Taalam writes like fire. I got heat, but Taalam starts out with a singe, able to burn, with my writing you have to let the heat come to you. I am a good writer I would even argue I am a great writer, or at the very least I have great potential that I am working to tap. Taalam is a great performer, and a very strong writer. He reads the way I wish I did. I’ve been meaning to e-mail him and ask for a reading list, (I’ll do that today) because I want to know where he is coming from – for longer than a 25 minute set, for longer than the time we spend in cars driving from one set to another. I love to talk to him to hear his ideas because they are so different, and I always feel like I should have known that –even if I don’t agree – I should have known. That was probably my favorite part of his last set that people go to ask him questions. If I open a set that will probably be a key part of the evening too – A question answer set, something at the end for the diehards.

I think that will be my goal – open my own spot. We’ll see how that goes.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Co-workers, death, weddings, and ice cream TGIF!

As I have explained in a previous post I have started a new Job, I haven’t been trained yet but it is a new position in a new office with new coworkers and less stress. It was all good until those pesky little coworkers started to show their age or lack their of.
As I mentioned I don’t have crap to do until I train in September. So I have the joy of busy work until then. Shipping and counting folders (3374 of them to be exact) cleaning out closets, Just looking busy. Hiding at my desk, talking to you wonderful people in blog land helps me eat up the time, cause if I don’t just sit here and eat up the time by the time I actually need to be off work, I won’t have any vacation time left. So What is my issue?
Those pesky co-workers are upset that I don’t have more to do- mind you they are short on work as well, and why they feel the need to go tattling to my manager that I’m not producing copious amounts of busy work, and I am content to sit at my desk and not be well BUSY. I just think adults should have a little more to do with their day than sit around and decide whether another adult has enough to do at the job she knows Jack S@$%! about. Anybody else feeling my pain here?

Anyway- Jerry’s core buddies are coming to the wedding they have paid the fare and are good to go! YEAH!!!! That totally rocks I am so glad Jerry will have some of his people there and not just feel like he’s coming along to my wedding, rather than our wedding.

My Godfather was Killed by his dogs on Tuesday, they apparently attacked him and crushed his throat. He’d had the dogs for years 8 and 2 respectively, and they have been put down. I don’t have one bad memory of Lorenze. Not one. He was a very good man. And I will miss him.
Lorenze reddings
I think I want some ice cream – every time I think about Renze I want some ice cream. As a Christian I’m okay with death in general. And I know Lorenze is a God fearing man so I’m not concerned that way, its just been a lot of death around me lately, possibly feeding my introspectiveness. I’m hoping I’ll find some pictures of him so I can scrapbook my memories of him. He was so much fun. He wanted us to do and see everything. He taught me how to play chess. He taught me what an entrepreneur was, made me want my own business from when I was like 12. I still do. Still think about the things he planted in me, I pray the people I have chose for Cammy’s God Family will be as positive an influence as he was to me.

pretty girl

pretty girl
Originally uploaded by raquita.
We had a chance to play in the sun the other day. She takes such a beautiful picture. We were having such a good time, she was chasing a butterfly, I think we'll go to the butterfly house soon.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Amen... oh sorry ALady

If I am constantly pushing myself to grow, and love myself enough to take care of me, I am teaching my children to do the same. Sacrificing my own health and well-being will not make me a better parent, and is not a guarantee that my kids will grow into healthy, happy adults. -Kelly blog mom

There are few statements as a mom I feel compelled to hold on to and focus on remembering, this is one. Thank you Kelly!
Ohh ohh how about this one....
"Motherhood has taught me that strength isn't deciding what you want and getting it. It's deciding how to get what you need and your kids need, even if you go about it in ways you never would have chosen...." Thank you Liz!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The interview answers

MoBrowne sent me some interview questions I posted the answers here too..

1) if you could come back in a different era, when and why?

I would come back at the beginning of the civil rights movement so maybe I could learn better about the struggle, understand the motivation better. Figure out why the leaders were so much stronger louder and more visible than the black leaders we have now. I would love to be strong enough to say comeback into the slavery era but I know I am not that strong. I read slave narratives when I think I may have forgotten what I can never really know.
2) the worst poem you ever read/heard & why?

That's a trick question - there is this spoken word artist on our scene name Paid tha Paid. He is so bad - he had a really good moment every once in a blue moon but for the most part its just bad poetry. But he loves it so much, works so hard at it, that I have to admire that, even when the poems suck.

3) top 3 rules you want your daughter to abide by?

a.Always love yourself as hard and as strong as you love anyone else.
b. Face your fears, they may not go away but you can win daily battles with them.
c.live by your rules - not anyone else’s (except maybe these from mommy)

4) what are the best and worst things about St. Louis?
BEST - St Louis is a diverse city. That's its best feature. My daughter has people of all colors and nationalities who love her and look out for her. She has eaten more types of food in her 11 months than I had before I went to college. She is exposed to Poets, business people, teachers, every type of person and I think that is the best thing st Louis has for our family.

WORST - the segregation of the city. THE same diversity that I applaud in the above post is only apparent if you seek it. My fiancée and I have a diverse group of friends, and we live in a very diverse area, but these are few and far between. There is the Italian neighborhood, the Bosnian neighborhood, the African neighborhood, African American, rich white neighborhoods poor white areas, Everything is so sectioned.

5) do you believe in the death penalty?
I understand why people do, I can sympathize, and know if some one was to harm my child I would want their life. But it is not my place to take it, to even ask for it. People have told me I must because I am pro choice, but what I believe is right for all of society may not be what is right for me. So no. Judgment is not mine to make. I have my place and I try hard not know where that is, even when tested

tag I'm it

Here’s the scoop on how to play: I pick 5 occupations out of the list below and answer my questions. Then I tag 3 other people to post their answers on their blog. However, I don't know that many people who blog, so if you want to do it, you have to jump up and down and say "Pick me!" If you don't have a blog, you can answer in the comments. (http://accidentalhousewife.blogspot.com/tagged me)The "questions": If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician... If I could be a doctor... If I could be a painter... If I could be a gardener... If I could be a missionary... If I could be a chef... If I could be an architect... If I could be a linguist... If I could be a psychologist... If I could be a librarian... If I could be an athlete... If I could be a lawyer... If I could be an inn-keeper... If I could be an electrician... If I could be a professor... If I could be a writer... If I could be a llama-rider... If I could be a bonnie pirate... If I could be an astronaut... If I could be a world famous blogger... If I could be a justice on any one court in the world... If I could be married to any current famous political figure...Allrighty then.

Thanks for the Tag h8s2clean here we go!

If I could be a chef... I would specialize in world food becasue america has enough hamburger joints to last us FOREVER.. I'd master Thai food, and Italian, Mexican, Cuban, Greek, French and Pastry. That just made me hungry.

If I could be a world famous blogger... I would cause it would rock to get paid for his and be ableto keep my kid right under foot and work from home. (maybe I just got a new career focus..)

If I could be a musician...I would play piano and Guitar, and Violin. I used to play two of the three (any guesses which three?) or at least took lessons on the two of the three... Thats not the same is it?

If I could be a lawyer... I'd do it to prove to my ex that the bar is passable.

If I could be a librarian... I would SHHHH everybody and read all day. Cause what else would I do? I'd have the student assistant put all the books away.

If I could be a doctor... I would have my PHD in poetry because that would mean I actually went to school for something that I loved and got a DEGREE IN IT!!!! That would be so NIFTY I 'd be speechless.

Wanna be next? Come on you know you do....

Larry confirms my parenthood, Jerry confirms my love

Larry and Bob
Originally uploaded by raquita.

This is Larry and Bob. Larry is a cucumber and Bob is clearly a tomato. They talk. Sing. Offer lovely doses of scarcasm and are morrally sound and tell great biblical stories too, although they are not just bible story tellers, which is one reason why we love them. They are Veggie Tales.

When I was pregnant I worked in the irate customer dept at the phone company once I was sure my child could hear me talking i started playing veggie tales CD's for her so she wouldn't have to hear all the crap I heard all day. She used to Kick the mess out of me to a beat when I payed this stuff. And now that she is here, her father is addicted to this stuff. He just loves the Silly songs video we got for Cammy we watched it last night... After the child was in bed. Does that say enough about our entertainment budget?

Anyone who knows Jerry knows my baby is entertaining in his natural state, and Veggie tales is truely the show his mind would have come up with if he was artisticly inclined and possibly drugged.

Part 2

Last night Jerry gave me a mothers day gift I was not expecting - He bought me the Pentax *ist Ds I've been drooling over. I was STUNNED- he got me this good when he proposed (if you ask I'll tell that story too) We soo shouldn't be spending this money but he said it was an investment and it was important and I COULD NOT return it. So I'm keeping it. He must really like me. That's all I keep thinking. He even made me cry. (That was a good thing)

Why did I say he must like me? Alot of people fall in love but how many people know if they really like their chosen mate? Enjoy spending mundane time with them? I like going to the hardware store. I had fun watching childrens videos with him. I could just sit with him anywhere and be content, if not having a blast. I like him as a human being, as a person, a man. And I think he likes me too.

Photos on my blog

Cammy and Jerry sing along
Originally uploaded by raquita.
this is my first attempt at photos in my blog... i'm hoping this all works well as I've new toys and I intend on using them!

This photo is Cam and Jerry singing to me at Outback. Its one of my favorite pics of the two of them clowning around!

Monday, May 09, 2005

Lesson # 9635

1) Listen to your gut instincts -- don't over-analyze.

2) Count your blessings.

3) Be happy about "good enough" and don't worry that you might not have achieved the absolute maximum level of happiness.

4) Regret less.

5) Remember that the grass is always greener on the other side, and don't take it as a sign that you've made the wrong choice.

6) Avoid conversations about your choices with people who don't follow the above rules.

Or as our grandparents might have said "you pays your money, and you takes your choices."

Is this five lessons or just one? And because I have learned this lesson I have decided to actually lock my hair. I was torn by this decision on many levels. Let me expound.

First and Fore most a bit of history. My hair and I have never been close. It doesn't like me, I have never been real fond of it, it has been this way forever. I never learned the hair lessons my sister did, I was always too busy doing being going to actually care how I looked when I got there. And I regret that. Hate that my mom gave up on me so early. But I forced her position, it was either that or sacrifice another notch in our already teen riddled relationship. And the popularity of Jeri Curls and a unfortunate accident I don't remember left me bald during my early adolescence, and made this the easy choice for both of us. Anyway. Back to my hair. For those of non sympathetic races who are unaware. Hair is a very different beast for black women, As much I love rain, in my Relaxer days you could not catch me outside during a rain storm, not an issue for most other races texture. We don't wash our hair daily - the oils stripped from our hair, and the heat required to manage our chose look would do more damage than good. I found I was allergic to synthetic hair so most braiding was out, and I was never handy with a curling iron or pressing comb. I more than got issues, I got hair subscriptions.

So here I am with puffy big hair. I got through the first 4 years of the millennia with head wraps and the occasional braid (breakouts included) But now I am a mommy. My daughter, with the same hair I cannot deal with on my head smiles up at me pleading that I not comb her hair, and throws her ten month old tantrum when I do. She has since birth, since the VERY BEGINNING, threw that fit at two days old. She didn't like it one bit, and I hate it when she scream bloody murder as if I am killing her by placing my hand on her head - never mind her reaction to her hair actually being combed. I comb my hair with her to show her its alright but it has been to no avail so far. She screams and my heart tugs and it is decided I have to be her hair show, her hair model, and I'm failing miserably, and locs I believe , are the cowards way out. I must be cute and kept at all times so she will believe that of herself. But then again they aren't the cowards way out because I don't believe she should always be meticulously kept. And why should I believe that locs cannot be meticulously kept? Why is what would work better for me and my self esteem is the wrong way? I don't believe that addressing my needs will invalidate what Cam needs and what I offer those needs. I don't believe it will stop me from learning how to take care of her in the best way I can. My not wearing diapers doesn't mean I can't take care of her needs while she is in diapers does it? I feel like on most days I have grabbed motherhood and we dance well together. And on the days where we don't dance so well I feel like Jerry cuts in okay. Anyway the hair.

Then it was like what gives me the right to spend 400 bucks on my hair? Of all things? We are buying a house and getting married and all kinds of things, and I get it in my head to spend that kinda of money on a hair do? I'd like to commit myself when I see it in print like this.

But the thing that made me decide to do it was - This is the only thing I have come back to time and time again. I have made several appointments with the artist who will lock my hair and she has been so patient with me on this - letting me come and go until now when I am ready to really do this. And I haven't done anything for me in such a long time, even if this is a very expensive mistake, it should be mine to make and I am grateful that I can. That my fiance who loves my hair is willing to let me risk it being the adventurous hair girl I used to dream of being, just this one more time.

Sliverware... and other quandries

There are few days that leave me as confused, stumped , speechless even as mothers day. Gift buying for the people you would do ANYTHING for, give anything to. You mean the absolute world to me - so I got you silverware?!?!?! I don't know how that is supposed to be swallowed. I understand today why my moms gift request sheet looks like inventory at Sax Fifth Avenue, because she so deserves it. But alas my budget cannot keep up with the mothers in my family's growing worth. So I bought her silverware, which she needed desperately and garden lights which I figured she would enjoy like a kid in a candy store. My mom, you see, has become a gardener in her middle age. Loves to spend a Saturday elbow deep in a corner of her backyard digging. I want to think I will catch that as I get older, My granny has it too. Maybe its an age thing.

People always become more valuable as you become older, it is probably more true for mothers. Which in turn made this mothers day all the more special. I made brunch for my mom and aunt and Granny's both regular and Great-Granny. My daughter looked on amazed by my kitchen aid blender. Ever want to get her attention I just need to turn on my mixer.

J sent me to a day spa treatment -which was more day and less spa but the thought was genuine. He tries so hard, he just has brain function issues somedays, but that's what I love about him. I did learn though, its not so much that we (people in general) need man-made holidays, we just need somedays to feel special.

Happy Mothers Day all!!!

Friday, May 06, 2005

100 things about me (My attempt at self knowledge)

I saw a blog were a woman listed 100 things about her self... I don't believe I know a hundred things about my self but I'm going to try we'll see how close I get...
1. I'm tall-5'7 1/2", but let's call it 5'7", Jerry's not 5'11 so we have to pad his height where ever we can .
2. I need to get a hair do i can live with but right now the one I want costs $400, can you say not today?!?!
3. I don't take nearly the care I should with my hair i.e with myself - but I'm trying now and that's all I have to say about that .
4. Food is very important to me-the flavors, the textures, the colors, the combinations,the process of making it, the faces of my test subjects, sauces and batters and glazes and shapes and smells.
5. Love words. Learning how to use them effectively, need to go to school.
6. Have T.V and pay for cable when I spend way more time on the internet, go figure.
7. I have a thing for expensive anything, but I'm responsible so I don't indulge that thing often.
8. I have one child.
9. I am engaged.
10. I grew up in St. louis MO, in a neighborhood that has the same people in it when we lived there. No one has moved and the children still live with their parents -scary.
11. My childhood was very cool, (can YOU fit 13 kids on one 10-speed and a skateboard for downhill bobslead like olympics?)
12. When I was 10 I threw a boomerang a zillion and one times, that one time it finally came back and clocked me in the forehead, 8 stiches later I was trying again.
13. When I was 10 my dog ate my brothers arm and my dad got rid of him while I ws napping in his dog house trying to keep them from giving him away. He lived for a long time at a house in the city I found out way later.
14. I have no tollerence for stupid people or dogs.
15. I own a stupid dog now and it is driving me crazy.
16. I played JV basket ball and a year of varsity but I wasn't big enough or small enough to start.
17. I just wanted to play with the guys after practice anyway.
18. I don't cry often.
19. My fiance hates #18.
20. W have 2 cats: Tsunami and Butters (Mother and daughter...daughter is anti social -figures) . Tsunami is great with our baby so i have no complaints about her, except when Jerry's petting her and she looks at me like he's MY human (imagine cat tounge sticking out and blowing a rasberry). We also have before mentioned stupid dog Nyla the Destroyer. She's not really stupid, she just chews everything related to the baby or me if she's mad that we aren't paying enough attention to her.
21. My granny wants to give the baby a dog.
22. I make amazing soups of all kinds - tops are butternut squash (fall only) Chicken soups (dumplings as well) Beef stew, and pot pies.
23. I can put my tummy under my jean waist. Thank you holidays.
24. I swear I'm gonna start working out as soon as.....
25. I'm addicted to girl stuff...But I don't buy it cause I'm responsible.
26. I want bluetooth stuff for my house phone.
27. I love dsl. I can surf and chat at the same time, but I'm biased I work for the phone company, and helped launch the product.
28. I suck at math-and consequently at money. Maybe they aren't related and I just suck at both independently.
29. I have no credit card debt left since. I settled all of my credit cards for 50%, busting my ass waiting tables. My credit still sucks but I'm trying to but a house anyway.
30. I used to work as a photographer in college for one of those party picture studios. yes I was a party pic chick. Every weekend I watched druck white college kids get plastered and throw them selves in front of my camera and ultimately destroy any hopes of having a career in politics. Espeically that one kid in the trough of beer.
32. I lived in Columbia MO during college and and glad I don't anywomre
33. I make an incredible (fill in the blank) and I can back up this statement too.
34. I breastfeed my daughter for 5 months and she got teeth and weaned her self, proving to me she and I will be close becasue I'm so grateful she never bit me.
35. I love Baklava.
36. I've misssed having a garden. I plant herbs evey year and I love it. We have fresh everything untill November.
37. I'm terrified of heights but I fly, climb, jump, do anything associated with trying to get over it, I hate being afriad more than I hate heights
38. I have a pretty good relationship with my mother and can speak my truth to her most of the time.
39. My father is my light and I am a daddy's girl, I fight my sister for the spot of top daughter, but I think I have it hands down...
40. I don't like massages and stuff. ButI love to be touched -if I like you. I'm working on that too 41. If you ask me I'll tell you, but don't ask- I need to keep the friends I've got.
42. I am a writer. ( that one was a freebie -I'm reaching now I know).
43. When I do find the time I have a zillion things to do!
44. The one thing I always wanted to do with my life was to teach. I'm going to school in January. (thanks Taylor Mali -butI'm not telling him until I enroll).
45. I don't drink enough water period.
46. I probably don't eat enough junk food to justify my weight. I just don't like it.
47. Okay, I love ice cream so never mind number 46.
48. I love rain, and rainly days when I'm home .
49. I don't own sex toys, though I'm not opposed to the idea.
50. Kissing rules.
51. Kissing someone I love is even better.
52. I take a lot of baths recently, and someday soon hope to have a monster tub that Jerry and I can fit into. (Hey it could happen)
53. Care to dance? I do in a kinda I love to dance with Jerry kinda way.
54. I don't get rap music. I'm very sick of women being reduced to video props... Hip hop is still good with me though
55. My favorite candies: Haribo brand sour gummy bears and Chicago Style popcorn
56. I'd like to run the country for 60 days with the promise the next pres won't undo what I've done, and congress and the senate have to go my way.
57. I have a mouth full of fillings, and I'm losing teeth left and right.
58. I've never broken a bone, my head is too hard to break and that's where I take most blows.
59. I'm a better mommy than I thought I'd be - according to my fiance and family - when Cammy can talk I'll ask her opinion
60. Childbirth was not what I expected it lasted way too long. My fiance wants two more - I have to forget a little more of that whole process before he'll get two more.
61. I'm good with planning its the follow through that gets me every time
62. I wish I could sing well. I can't.
63. I'm 28.
64. I'm always waiting for something to happen.
65. I'm learning how to make things happen.
66. I love really hard all the time.
67. Wow. I'm up to 67.
68. #66 used to get me hurt alot but I'm much better at loving with out expectations now.
69. I have a hard time telling everything that's true for me to the people I love, particularly the man, for the irrational fear of being annihilated.
70. I can't spell.
71. I never exercise anymore and I miss it.
72. I can't seem to get myself off of that cross of motherhood.
73. I worry that this makes me a less than stellar wife and individual, but a great mom.
74. I think it's important that my mother had me when she was 17.
75. I had my daughter when I was 27.
76. Age does not maturity make, parenthood does.
77. I can still tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue.
78. I can't be political. That's Jerry - My politics are way too simple and black and white- I don't tread well in the grey.
79. I failed macro economics twice in college, and that convinced me to contiue to avoid math classes, I have still never taken one in college.
80. I always feel guilty about something - even if I didn't do anything
81.My daughter is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen
82. It amazes me when people say she looks like me
83. I have more in common with the original poster of this blog idea than I really thought.
84. I have more in common with more people who I get to know than I would have ever thought 85. I like to paint - but I don't anymore cause I don't have time
86. I can draw -but I don't anymore... see 85
87. I read a book a day when I read. in high school I did this everyday.
88. I've never read the whole bible book to book but I've tried. Never get past Genisis.
87. I tried to read the dictionary - didn't get past E
89. I love fish, cooked and in aquariums
90. Most common typo Teh (the), and Adn (and)
91. Rather than say I simply didn't like or didn't want something - I would tell people I was allergic i.e I didn't like chocolate and it gave me little bumps when I ate it which I'm sure now was more mental than not so I told every body who asked why I didn't want any I was allergic.
92. by 1999, I got a spine and learned how to express myself.
93. Never live with a man you don't love
94.I wasn't much of a dater until after college.. and I went on a binge and serial dated for six months -JUST DATING NO SEX
95. I'm funny in a not funny way
97. my sister is my best friend
98. my brother is my bestest bud and I think my daughters favorite uncle -offical or unoffical
99.My Grandmother is teaching me so many things right now and I am glad to learn them
100. I love my Future husband and have since before we met

Okay I got to100... took me too many days and I'm gonna keep going on another post..

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

I'm Susan

I've never watched Desperate Housewives so I'm not sure what this means. I took a quiz and they told me I'm most like Susan on the TV show Desperate housewives - somebody let me know if this is a good thing or if I'm expected to sleep with the gardener and the milk man.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

A moment of good and not so good

I love the Boondocks. For those who don't know its a Comic strip which hits on all my favorite rants. But i have heard some less than happy things about my favorite strip, but i think I already knew most of it.

First off Aaron McGruder- the original cartoonist doesn't draw the strip anymore. And that sucks, cause the new chick has started putting her mark on the kids and their hands are different and they are chunkier - like they need a low carb diet.

He's not planning on putting the crew back. I miss the daily part of the boondocks, While its cool to fire off on Bushy when ever he gives an opening- and I admit you could find one everyday - I liked strips about the kids being kids, and the white kids trying to learn how to be around the urban kids. It was my life, and it was funny! I like them interacting with grandpa about lawn mowing and, kool-aide and whatever. I miss Jasmine and her family, I was looking forward to the Asian DJ kid making his debut. Anyway may be I'll get them in the T.v Show....

THE BOONDOCKS (Cartoon Network) - The failed FOX pilot has found new life as the cable channel has committed to 15 half-hour episodes of the animated comedy, which is based on the Aaron McGruder comic strip of the same name. The network hopes to begin production in time for "Boondocks" to premiere in the fall of 2005 as part of its successful "Adult Swim" lineup. McGruder will executive produce the project, which comes from Sony Pictures Television, alongside Reggie Hudlin. "Boondocks" tracks the adventures of two boys, Riley and Huey, who experience a culture clash when they move from inner-city Chicago to the suburbs to live with their grandfather.
That's the good part - I guess we'll see what happens! I hope Aaron doesn't forget that all the good intentions, the bigger goals, the bigger giants to slay can be misconstrued and could be missed and those opportunities wasted if you can't remember what got you where you are!! Viva Boondocks!!! Viva Huey!! and much love Aaron McGruder.

Returning to Normal

Lately my days have been full of things to do; planning the wedding, buying the house, being a family, trying to plan ahead. I have spent many days feeling like an circus clown with too many balls juggling at once. I spend my days one of two ways - most normally I'm addressing all the maddness as it comes, dropping balls as necessary, hoping I don't lose them, hoping they don't break when dropped, hoping I don't drop the wrong one, trying to learn to juggle more. Or I simply lose all the balls and decide not to pick them back up today or the next untill I feel better able to juggle, becasue I can't just bounce one ball at a time.

Which is funny, because I used to be a basketball player, a guard. My focus one ball and the team. Focus on the play the coach has called, the execution, the completion of that one play - that was what was important. Knowing my role on the court, trusting my team to know their roles, taking advantage of bad defense by the opposition. And I was a good ball handler. I wasn't prone to losing my grip, or having my rock stolen. I wasn't killing them with my cross over mindyou, but I could thread a pass to the inside, I could see the court, I could find the zone. I was an ace at the free throw line, pretty good on the fast break, and I liked to play defense. Funny how I went from a baller to a clown, when I don't even really like the circus.

I guess it boils down to a very simple statement; I am over-committed and under-satisfied. And as all the thngs I HAVE to do begin to grab hold and become closer to done than not, I am looking at the balls coming and wonder if this would not be the best time to change the game. I am looking at all the balls in the air and at my feet and I wonder, If I change the game and pass the ball what will my team do?

The issue I think is I don't want to give up anything at all. I see that i'm not doing as well as I could be. I'm not mastering my domain - I'm being dominated by my domain. I don't want more time, I just want more control of the time I have. I want my team to huddle up, I want my coach to call plays, I want my team to execute, score and hustle back on defense. I want to get a minute on the bench every once in a while. I want to add exercising, scrapbooking regularly and build a herb garden . I want to call the right plays on finance, we're getting better I just want us to keep getting better. We're about to own the home we didn't decorate because we were going to buy soon so now I want to make it ours, spend days browsing stores for the right things for the right furniture for the right peice that fills in just right. I want to call my aunt and my sister more. Keep up with my brother better, let him know how proud I am of his decisions lately. I want to go back to school I want to spend more time at a church - somebodys church untill we find our own again, because coach likes it when we go to training camp.

I want to play life again, life as great game a pick up b-ball, with my team beside me.

I look around at my clown moments juggling and know we've done alright, we must being dong okay if I can see the chages I want to make and poisiton myself into them.

I must be alright if my team is still with me and trusts me to handle the ball.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Birth of a Leader

It was a regular Saturday evening. We were visiting with my uncle who recently lost his wife after the birth of their daughter. he has been surrounded by my aunts, cousins, realtives left and right and in addition their children are present as well. this was the first time Cam got to hang out with these children, at least while I was around. Her great granny takes her to church and these children all attend with tehm so i'm sure she's better aquainted with them than I am. But to watch her interact with the other children it easy to see her personaltity blossom and take shape.
Cam is an early walker, toddling along since the super bowl this year she started at a nerve racking 7 1/2 months to walk. She is the second walking among my family's next generation. Ages currently 2 weeks to 18 months - beaten mind you only by the eighteen month old girl Jameila - who is Cammy's best little friend, and who taught her to walk. After watching those two together I firmly beleive babies, infants, small toddlers, what ever you call them can communicate between one another perfectly. Anyway after learning from Jammy the finer points of walking, she tried to explain to her cousin Bam-Bam, the apparent simplicity of the art.

He did not agree. We watched with amusement as Cammy tried to convince Bam to stand on up and take a stroll with her. Clearly she had things she wanted to show him and he was moving too slow with the crawling. Bam was insistant he was not getting up. Cammy pulled is shirt sleeve, he was not deterred. IT WAS HILARIOUS! But it showed me another side to my little girl. We had already figured out she was a quick learner. But she's a leader as well. She wanted him to know how to do what she could do. Now Bam being a few months older and a few inches shorter he found cammy to be very interesting at first, then he was like "no I'm not walking anywhere. And that's that" His mom and immediate family members carry him alot. Cammy would never stand for it, she always wanted to be put down helped along maybe but not carried. Funny how much of you turns up in your kids?