Monday, July 31, 2006

In honor of French Toast girl...

Check her out at

she totally rocks for this one right here.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Random Remembering

Lately it has been easy.
Poems have come, often too many words for my actual poem. They end up statements and not nearly the lyrical moments I want them to be.  I have always loved poetry. But much to my dismay, extreme emotion has been necessary for me to produce what I consider good poetry. Either I loved so hard, or have fallen so far. My actions, never really dramatic, could never keep up with the emotions I worked to keep in check.
But this really has very little to do with my opening line.
I’m feeling a bit sporadic so please bear with me, there is a point to this.
Last night when I got home from work, Camster was sleepin, and I thought I’d grab a nap with her, I don’t even remember much about what happened between getting off work, taking my brother some sushi (I’ll post on that later) and forgetting to ask my mom if she – or rather what rolls she wanted from the sushi place, and getting home, chit chatting with my grandmother and laying down to rest.
My husband at some point, broke through to the next level, and fixed the sink. I remember him trying to tell me the details, but I wasn’t really conscious. I remember him saying he was leaving then not, I know I took phone calls but I don’t remember who I talked to except for Jerry’s cousin, who gave me the great news about ‘So You Think You Can Dance’. He left me to go to home depot, and Cammy being the blessing she is – was very gentle with me in my “please just don’t destroy the house” state.
Then I woke up, spent some awake time with my girl,  actually watched my tivo’d reality TV fix and see what happened after she told me my good news. Put Cam to bed, read ‘Metro Cat’ and played with more little people. Made a mental note to pick up some additional toys for her. Then I spent the most important time I spent all day.
I told my husband the truth, that I was proud of his success with the kitchen sink. Then I rubbed his foot, and gave him a back rub, a back scratch then scratched his head until he fell asleep sprawled across our bed. Then I fell asleep with my legs across his back, crossing the t for the night.
Some days I worry that I am not passionate enough. That our every day is too mundane to keep him waking up next to me for the next fifty or so years. I worry that I miss the mark in loving them both. That I will make bad decisions for us as a family. That we will not survive.  That she will hate her mom, and want to be the exact opposite of who I am. That he will wake up and say what am I doing here? That when she needs I will not be the person she comes to.
And then I remember. I remember how he smiles at me and reaches for me in his sleep. How she calls for me and touches my face when we say bedtime prayers. How happy she is when I come home, and how sad she is when I leave and she cannot come. How we write e-mails and call all day even though we drive to and from work together and live on top of each other in our, less than large apartment. I remember that we already did the really hard part, he already chose me and I him. We know already, we just gotta make today everything we can.

And that is what has been easy.

My love for them is always at that extreme level, but when you live with it everyday, sometimes you forget. Forget that you would die for them, forget that his touch does spark everything. Forget that his good morning kiss makes your whole day better. Forget that its always the little things that keep memories from fading. Forget the poems you scribble and do not finish, the scrap pages you start but don’t get to complete, and remember they belong to you, and you belong to them.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

In the dayglow - a poem

I can feel the question watching me
Pressing in our silence
Weighing on his brow
Caressing through his fingertips
I believe the answer hugs our legs
Has his eyes
Lies across the hall
And I am trying not to wake her in my answering
I want our roles expressed
Strength pressed
Into softness
Rough hands expand across belly
Teeth nip hips turn friction to jelly
slick thick  
Wrists gripped
Syrup mixed
Every kiss
A letter I use to write my response
So let me make it longer
Use more syllables
Let me paraphrase, and say it again
Firmly into your hips
Speak it into the back of your knee caps
Draw maps from thighs to back
So my hands know where to roam
Tongue pressed into your chest
Until my words fall from your lips
In tongues and simple and tribal
As these acts
Chants repeated in our heart beat
Well after death separates us
And then you will never doubt my answer
Yes, I love you
And this is exactly where I want to be

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I don't beleive this, but man I want to...


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q:Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A : Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had aboutfood and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

Popsicle dance

Originally uploaded by raquita.
This is my favorite popsicle dance picture mentioned in the post below, Shre really is just too much for me. Last night she watched Narnia with us, I have never seen her so into a story, she was sooo excited when the giant Lion came on the screen, and she was so hurt when they tied him up I hadn't seen it before right then so I didn't know it was coming, (i fogort about the Christ parallells) So we went ahead and fast forward the scene, I'll just bet she had a great dream about walking with the big "lion king" when she went to sleep.

Monday, July 24, 2006

because happiness is something you have to hold on to and never let go

This blog is supposed to as much about my joy of motherhood as it is about me as a woman, and a daughter and a wife ect. And I’ve spent a lot of time whining about things I really have no cause to whine about. Honestly, I am too, too blessed. My husband and I have more going for us than many young people our age, God continues to take care of us and shows me so many way all the things that I have to be greatful for.

So I would like to start this post with a subtitle
My Favorite Cammy moment:
Cammy in all her language development is learning tons and tons of words. I hinder that development daily, I’m sure my mother will have comment to post on my ability to destroy my child with a single plastic pacifier. (I’ll have to update you all on the Binky Wars on a later date, I’m trying to be in a good mood here) but she has moments of pure toddler comic genius, alas one day a few weeks ago she was looking for some candy and we told her simply, it was too early for candy, she would have to wait until after lunch. We were greeted with a hearty, “Aww MANN!!!!” before she turn and walked pouting to pick a DVD for viewing. She scrunches up her forehead and kicks that bottom lip out and lets that bad boy rip when ever she doesn’t get her way, and its is totally HIL-arious. Do you know how hard it is not to crack up laughing while you are trying to be stern with a two year old cute enough to actually be on TV?
I’m also really, really fond of Cammy’s happy dance. We purchased her a actual Bomb Pop! from the Bomb Pop! man. Who knew you actually write Bomb Pop! with the exclamation point and every thing. The things you figure out while sitting in front of your powerless house reading what ever you got, including the popsicle wrapper. Any who. Here I was thinking that the Bomb Pops! you actually buy in the store are a fair assessment of the popsicles you will get from you neighbor hood rainbow colored van, and I was of the mind set that barring our placement in the sixth level of hell I wouldn’t be buying a over priced puny Bomb Pop! for my kid. My child hood memories are filled with popsicles as long as my head and left my entire fore arm drenched in flavored syrup cause you can NEVER eat a Bomb Pop! fast enough to not drip especially if you don’t use the wrapper. But as any local will tell you – St. Louis in the summer with out A/C is the sixth level of hell and on Saturday Jerry and I spent the afternoon trying to get out house together with out power and with all of our Bomp Pop! stash melted during our four days of powerlessness, that puny popsicle looked mighty good to me. So I upped  the $1.25 per, lamenting like all parents do – when I was your age a popsicle was a quarter… but was pleasantly surprised when he reached in his cooler to hand me these GIANT popsicles. It was easily as long as my forearm and Cammy couldn’t even hold the thing by its stick and eat it – it was too long for her arms, which lead to her pretty white dress, turning all manner of tie dye looking redness (and why is it no matter how many colors a popsicle has the juice is always all red when it gets on you?) but none of this could dull her happiness. Yes it was past nap time, yes she had been tortured with TWO hours of hair braiding (pictures coming), yes Nemo was dead as there was no DVD player we colud use to pacify her with and she was not buying the whole TV is broken thing,  but being barefoot in the summer sun with a popsicle was just what my baby girl needed, she danced up and down the street with me shaking her little groove thang and singing a little ditty she came up with dripping popsicle juice everywhere.

Gotta love the summer.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

keep on movin don't stop now...

Want to read something just as sweet as humanly possible? Check out Jerry’s blog and his sisters response. She is really just a kick butt big sister. And maybe she gets him after all, or gets him enough for the amount of contact they’ve had in the last five years. I tend to forget, I think that they aren’t right under each other, she being across the country. Maybe they just need each other to get things together. I personally am glad they are aligning themselves to fight this fight. Jerry is the best wing man on the planet. he's wonderful at implementing the plan - you just gotta tell him what the plan is. She can make things go, give him the plan - that’s what big sisters do. and I am glad, so very glad things are happening. At this point movement of any kind is good. Keep it movin!

Speaking of moving. God moved a lot of stuff last night in St. Louis, we have had the largest power loss due to storm in thirty years last night. Our power is out. And probably will be out for a little while. Big beautiful lightening streaked across the sky, and trees missed my uninsured house by about three yards. THANK YOU GOD for answering prayers. I hear you people – why is my house uninsured, I’ll explain later, that is another post. Rain came seemingly out of nowhere and pounded the greater St. Louis area – the roof of several buildings including the airport was lifted and moved several yards, in the case of the airport it made it all the way to the highway and blocked lanes. I hope your family is safe, mine is.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Its good mommy

Originally uploaded by raquita.

This is my favorite pciture from our peach picking trip, Cammy and Moe had a ball, and so did Jerry and I. We can't count peaches per lbs so we ended up buying thirty pounds of peaches, can anybody say peach cobbler? Really come on over, ther ewill be PLEANTY.

other notible images





Its been a hard day and night

This weekend was – lets say different. Jerry’s Sister made the trip from NYC to St. Louis by car, that over heated most of the way here. So we spent most of the morning Saturday worried about whether or not the car would actually make it to St. Louis. I won baseball tickets and they missed the game - the drive from NYC is normally 15 hours or so, it took them twenty four. But we sat in the HOT ARSED new stadium and I got to take a few good shots of Albert Pujols batting. We missed the India Arie Concert. I was bummed about that but what can you do, I didn’t want to leave the kid with the passed out daddy, he never would have woken up if she had awakened first.
His sister finally got to his moms house on Saturday night, and we went over to see her, his mom and his nephew, and his sisters, ex but not really friend Keith. We tried to head to the concert but that didn’t happen, so we took the nephew to give the sister time with their mom.
Funny, she really is a lot like me, his sister, and then at the same time, not so much. I can tell she is fiercely loyal. She didn’t exactly know what to think about Jerry and their moms relationship, and she thinks she “knows” but she doesn’t really. How can anyone know something, they don't know or understand? She thinks she understands Jerry’s dad, and she doesn’t at all, or Jerry for that matter. She has a good heart though, and she’s like me in that once she decides a course of action is to be taken she’s all over it. I admire that. She is awesome though and I am truly glad I finally met somebody in his family who actually comes off as someone he is related to not just someone he is related to, did that make sense?
Jerry can be very hard on himself, and in a lot of ways when it comes to these relationships he has had to face this weekend, I think he’s still has a very confused little boy trying to understand things that have nothing to do with him, yet effect everything about who he is, and the wonderful man he has become is trying to find his footing. He wants to be everything everybody wants from him, and I just want him to be happy with the choices he makes everyday, because he should be. He’s an honorable man. I stand beside him gladly and walk with him because I know he chooses the right thing for our family and always will.
We did get to spend a lot of time with Jerry’s nephew, it was different to hear somebody call me Aunt Raquita. He’s a terrific sweet kid, so totally unlike Jerry. Total opposite. He’s very quiet and reserved. Very observant and smart, just not very vocal. Quite happy to play psp or xbox 360 until his fingers cramp. Great with Cammy. They had a ball playing together. We are gonna do everything we can to get him back to visit for a week in the summer – hopefully coordinate the visit with my other nephew who is supposed to be coming from the same region around the same time. Which would give us a built in playmate and vice versa. My sister called to give me some young boy tips, like feed him even if he says he’s not hungry, and lo and behold the boy ate – at least a good portion of his breakfast. She’s gonna be my source for boy parenting, fo’sho. We took him to Dave and Busters on Monday before they left, which was fun. We had lunch and he’s the ticket type of kid, you know win the tickets buy a prize. And I never would have pegged him for that type. Apparently he’s very competitive. He told me he wanted to try this claw prize thingy with all manner of fake “bling” in it cause –“I really need to get some bling Auntie.” He said that with totally seriousness, I told him we may be able to look into some minor bling for Christmas. Cammy was totally into all the riding video games, although ChuckECheese maybe more her speed, she was still delighted by all the lights and stuff. She likes to win the tickets too. We did the peach picking thing and he got to piggy back on Jerry and Cammy really go into the hwole spirit of the event.
The whole point in their visit was this birthday dinner for Jerry’s eighty year old grandmother Tootie which was Sunday night, we forgot the camera, so we missed the opportunity to get pictures of people we may very well never see again, although we did get telephone numbers to a lot of great people, and I am rally looking forward to building some of those relationships up. His family is totally wonderful, and I loved all of the characters. They made my family look like they weren’t quite as rare in their wonder as I may have previously thought. They have genuinely good, good people. And BEAUTIFUL children, I see why Cammy is so cute.
All in all it was a hard day and night, and its taken me this long to get around to blogging about it. You don’t even want to know what happened with my Tuesday, lets just say I hate the insurance industry.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Just change all the him's etc to Oprah

An Actual 1955 Good Housekeeping article.
just go ahead click it to make it bigger and readable and change all the hims to Oprah and we'll see the ONLY WAY this is gonna be true up in here... Cause Oprah - she can have what ever she wants.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Random thoughts again...

Okay – why did I almost want to see You, Me and Dupree but then I realized I just finished living that so maybe Superman would be a better choice.

Why does Beyonce dancing just like my momma on fast forward in her new video?

I love Entourage and I know why – just now I figured it out, cause it gives me something new to watch in the off season of Grey’s Anatomy. I love Jeremy Piven, who plays Ari. I love Adrian Grenier, aka Vince, I love the friendship between the four guys. And I love that it gives women the best parts of sex in the city, with out all the whack girly parts .(clearly I didn’t really like sex in the city) besides my hubby and his friends will watch it with me. Which rocks cause I don’t have a lot of girlfriends to watch TV with.  (I totally Expected to get the DVDs of the show for some holiday – didn’t happen)

J’s sister is coming, and I’m a little nervous about it. I don’t spend a whole lot of time with my in laws, any of them at all, so I’m kinda like, okay lets see how this rolls. I wish we did. I wish we saw his mom more often but that is simply not the case. His dad, he’s a wonderful man, who I wish we saw even more than his mom. I think we’ll get him for holidays and the such.

I’m not tired, cause I slept ALL NIGHT AND ALL DAY yesterday – (thanks honey) but I’m tired, cause I worry about all the wrong things.

I wanna watch old Entourage episodes tonight, maybe I’ll rent the DVDs.

Ever wish cartoon characters were real, cause I’d love to have a sit down with Bugs Bunny and the crew from Voltron.

I really wanna cook, I think we’re gonna go berry and peach pickin, so I can make a cobbler, and maybe I’ll take one to Jerry’s Grandmothers birthday party. It’s the first family function we’ve been notified of since we’ve been dating.

I bought my kid some hair stuff, and ironically some for my hair, she’s into the playing hair dresser right now and it almost makes me wish I didn’t have locks so she could play in my hair with a brush.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

This stuff never happens to me

He Became a Dwarf Just So He Could Say That

Dwarf, to drunk chick at bar: So have you ever had a dwarf go up on you?

--Manistee, Michigan

Overheard by: Gabby

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Be careful what you ask for.....

Guess what I got over the weekend?
Guess whose ass hurts like a mug?

bike riding wasn't this hard when I was fifteen, at least I don't remember it being so difficult. I'm certainly Gonna pick up a gel seat cause the one on the bike is KILLIN MY ASS. My kid thinks its the best thing that ever happened to her, EVER. She wants to ride it in all the time, she'd probably be sublimely happy if we set it up in the living room so she could watch Dora in it.
We had a wear out the toddler Sunday which included Swimming, playing in a fountain at our local park, and of course bike riding through the neighborhood. It felt really good to get out and let my body work. I really can't wait to do it again, with a gel seat.


Jerry and I went with his cousin to a WONDERFUL restaurant in South city. There is background story however so let me tell it will ya!
Okay when Jerry and I married in Jamaica at an average resort so our family could come with us, then we switched to a very posh, very expensive resort for our honeymoon. We heard great things about the food there so we went to the sushi place for dinner on the first night and ran into a couple from St. Louis, Wendy and Paul. We talked and talked and they told us how recently back home there had been a MAJOR explosion at the propane gas factory near our home before they left, which also happened to be near their restaurant. So we talked about the menu and how they got into it - cause this was back when I was just beginning to admit that that was what I wanted to do. They finished there dinner and told us we should drop by for dinner and visit with them. Well we got back and everytime I heard something about the restaurant I said to myself I really need to go, I mentioned it a few times to Jerry, he was never really in the mood to try new stuff right when that question was asked, and before I knew it it had been a year, so fast forward to Saturday night, I was fretting over finding something good for dinner - with out going to a chain or cooking it myself. Then it dawned on me, you know we should try that restaurant the couple we met in Jamaica owns.

Jerry's response was "Who?" After refreshing his memory he was game and off we went. And OH MY GOD! It was awesome. The name of hte place is Eleven Eleven Mississippi The food was spectacular, the atmosphere was wonderful, And we got to see Wendy who remembered exactly who we were - as if we are so forgettable, and then even bought us dessert, which was AWESOME, I had Gooey Butter Cake - easily the best I've ever had, Jerry had this amazing Vanilla custard Napoleon thing with caramelized bananas - and seeing as how I have just discovered the wonder that is vanilla custard in the last few months it was the most perfect presentation of tasty goodness, and J's cousin had a cantaloupe sherbert that tasted like the most perfect melon ever grown, and I didn't put that in caps just to be different. And the appetizers the mussels were awesome, and the wild boar raviolli, and the citrus salmon entree, and the duck or the halibut and man - I'm gonna stop or we'll be going back there for lunch today.

anywho, This is the second new restaurant we have been to since I started my 1001, so I'm am on my way!

Friday, July 07, 2006

Dancin' machine....

Hey Groupies…

I am getting off of such heavy subjects and going to something that brings me much joy.


I don’t do it often, much to my dismay, although going out clubbing is not what I had in mind. I think I am going to look into dance lessons. There is a beauty behind ballroom and couples structured dancing that is rarely seen in todays modern world. When done well it is truly one of the most beautiful things you can see, a man and a woman moving together gracefully, in time, to a rhythm internally and externally.

Truly, truly beautiful. Seriously.

There is this studio called Convergence Dance I think I may look into and see what I think. I guess it bears mentioning that I love – love watching the TV show So You Think You Can Dance, not only for the absolute characters in the first shows who is grand reality tv, style totally embarrass themselves moving with music accompanying them, cause I refuse to call what they do dancing or want to imply that they had any rhythm at all while trying to. But mostly I watch it because I love the art of dancing, and my child has picked up that bug and does her wonderful toddler dancing any time there is any music on at all, and some of the few times I can get her to sit still is when Donyelle Jones takes the dance floor.

She is my pick win this addition of SYTYCD, and I also think the young swing dancer she is partnered with, Benji TOTALLY has the hots for her.. shoot Jerry has the hots for her so I can’t be mad at the little guy. I like her because she is a real black woman. Thicker than a stick, womanly, probably wears a size 10, has these great arms, she is just wonderful, and she’s silly, and seems to have a good heart. Not to mention she is extremely talented. We watch it every time it comes on – either right when it comes on or afterwards - eventually - I tivo everything I like. So Good luck Donyelle! We are rooting for you!

Any who moving on.

Thanks for the thoughts on Rocky, and the little conversation on the Question of the day. To clarify per one person who sent me an e-mail – I don’t hate that my brother is gay, I hate that he thinks his family isn’t supportive. My personal thoughts on GLBT is that I don’t. The single most important property of Christianity to me, Judge not lest ye be judged, and I firmly believe that it not my place, my life is between me an my creator, and your life is between you and yours. I try not to pass judgments on people – I do know that I am not GLBT, and while it is flattering when I am approached, and I think women are marvelous wonderful creatures, and there are women whom I love deeply who are not related to me, I have no desire to get some chick sprung. As I mentioned the other day, Women are lucky I don’t date women. P.S. I don’t believe my brother reads this blog, if he does I would be truly, truly surprised. Seriously. Shoot, mom my gets by here every once in a while, and my aunt used to read it regularly but now she doesn’t. TiTo is the only person I know reads it, however sporadically, who I knew before I started the blog.

My sisters wedding is creeping up on me. I am the Matron of honor, that kinda makes me feel like that whole spinster thing on my wedding certificate was accurate. Matron makes me sound so old and homely. I have to go be fitted for my dress, pay for the dress then ultimately wear the dress, can you tell I’m not excited about that. I’m not into formal wear. My sister has over the course of our relationship become one of my best friends. I hold a lot of respect for her.
And I wonder what you do when you know a decision will jeopardize that? Before your little minds start flipping out, not the marriage. I’m all for the marriage.
She is becoming a Stepmother in the process, and my biggest fear for her is that she will become the evil step mother, that she won’t treat those kids like they are hers, and that they, as a couple, will short change them – whether it happens intentionally or unintentionally. Kids are always my first focus when looking at a situation. Even before my sister. Which is saying a lot for me. Because I put family before anything – but these kids will be my family once she says I do, and I plan to love them as if my sister had given birth to them, I just pray that she treats them as if she had given birth to them. The actual situation is deeper than a little bit, but not original in todays age of divorce and broken families and that makes me sad for a lot of kids not just the ones in my family, but as an adult kid of divorce I know how they feel and I wish I could make it better, but I’m just the aunt in this situation. It is straining our relationship as it is, I can hear it crackling between us every time she calls to talk about some detail of the wedding. Once its brought up she ends the conversation. And its funny I was totally surprised that we were so far away on this thing. We see eye to eye on so many basic family issues. I would have thought this was a basic family issue.

Any who- I need to get back to work. And get ready for lunch… pizza with the hubby…

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Welcome home, Man of the house

Originally uploaded by raquita.
My husbands patience has worn thin with our living situation, however I truly believe my mother’s random questions did not help the situation – I am most worried about this crowded house damaging my relationship with my hubby,We are fighting though right now,a nd that's all I can pray for. But I am most proud of the stand he took with everybody and said exactly how he feels.
Starting with me

We went to lunch the other day and J, told me how he was feeling and what he was thinking, and I was glad to hear it. Some times I wonder if he is just rolling along or if he wants to live this life with me. It was refreshing to have him, say HEY!!! Listen to my point. He said what he wanted to see change and had a gathering of the extra people to say exactly how he feels, he pulled no punches, just said what he thought and that was that. I was very proud of him, now we have to see if the extra people take what he has said to heart.
Jerry is, and has always been the ying to my yang. I’ve very forceful at times, for instance last night I told my brother I would seriously beat his arse if he continued to disrespect my grandmother. Seriously. And if he wanted to test that theory he should say one more disrespectful thing right now.

He didn’t.

Jerry said, I don’t care what you really think, in my house this is the way it is. He said it very, very calmly. He’s the good cop to my bad cop. I have learned that Jerry isn’t gonna have a lot to say, my brother pointed out that this is just one more way that J is like my dad. Not gonna get excited, not trying to yell. Just rolling with it. Me I’m a force of nature. Moving things, bending, pushing, pulling, my element is fire, Jerry’s is water.

My brother is like sand. Thin and grainy yet trying to become something dramatic like glass. We were talking and he kept saying how unsupportive our family has been about his coming out – if I hadn’t mentioned it my brother is gay - and that really pisses me off. Why? Because my brother came out roughly six years ago, and while it was not easy for everyone to swallow. He is welcome and his partners have always been welcome. And for him to sit in front of his partner whose family has disowned him and say his family hasn’t been supportive is a crock of bull.
We just won’t “support” you, i.e. you need to be able to pay your own bills and live your own life, present situation excluded. And no matter how he chooses to live his life, we as individuals are allowed to have moral and life choices about what we will and won’t allow in our homes. My mother doesn’t allow any of her children to have sex in her home before marriage. My brother and his partner are clearly not married, so why should the rule be different for you cause you are gay? If he were straight would he and his partner be married, probably not, they can’t afford an apartment – let alone a wedding.
And these are the points I’m constantly trying to get my brother to understand. Being gay doesn’t get you a free pass by the rules that are a part of adult life. I always thought my mom was blurring the line between being his parent and his friend. Allowing things she NEVER would have let me get away with, my sister either for that matter. And now she has decided to redraw the boundaries she will allow in he home. Which I totally understand and support, it is how my brother ended up at my house. My father is very clear on how he feels about my brothers lifestyle, he loves my brother, and accepts the “lifestyle that he has chose” my dad’s words – but will not allow any display of that lifestyle in his home. Rocky is welcome there, could even live there, but my father is not open to that level of acceptance. And I think that is okay. I think for the black community to have SUCH a phobia about homosexuality that for this to be his situation he’s blessed. And should be working to quell the rest of the insecurities not pissed because all is not fixed today.
Me personally, I don’t particularly care to see to straight people making out heavy, it makes me uncomfortable to see straight couples over display, I think it’s a statement of insecurity, and while not disgusting to me, my feelings about gay pda are the same. I don’t mind affection between two people, I just prefer not to watch you drape all over your partner. I wasn’t allowed to drape all over my dates/boyfriends in front of my parents, and Cammy certainly won’t be allowed to either. Jerry and I don’t drape now, we got an apartment for that. So why is this so different for him? You wanna drape, get an apartment. My brother take this as an affront or our families not supporting his life style that we won’t watch him display his affection.

Lately I just wanna shake the S#!^ out of my siblings.

Here is the question of the day, is the Gay rights movement equal to civil rights movement? In my personal opinion yes. But what do you think?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Cause you haven't added Overheard in New York to your blogroll yet...

Wednesday One-Liners Were Young and Needed the Money
Woman, yelling to man: Look, you give me crack and I smoke it and we fuck. That's what we do.
--130th, between Lenox and 5th
Overheard by: Juany

Monday, July 03, 2006

royal memories

I was reading this post over at little bald doctors called A bend in the road, and was magically taken back to a place that holds a lot of sentimental value for me. Jerry asked me over the weekend what moments do I most value in our relationship. I rattled off some of our bigger moments like Valentines Day ’02 – that was when my husband tricked me in to believing he was ultra romantic – he has since corrected me – he’s ultra thoughtful – which is just as good just not as romantic. Then there was Mexico ’03, we didn’t know we were supposed to be unhappy with that three star whole in the wall cause we were together. But all in all, the things that really got me was the everyday time and one of my truly most favorite moments was when he took me to lunch at Crown Candy.
He had been stunned that I had never been. I think we split a BLT and each had ice cream. I remember thinking this was the kind of place you started traditions at. Took your kids to every Sunday after church. He said that too while we were sitting there, and I remember thinking he was genuinely a good man. He was surprised when I said I used to collect the coca cola bear, so I liked all the coca cola stuff every where. I didn’t mention how I wanted to collect Black Americana Artifacts and I wondered where they hung the whites only sign that had to be there at one time or another. He read my thoughts on the way back to the car and made mention of the same wondering. We watched little kids jaws drop at the sight of the candy counter. He made me laugh. I remember smiling a lot that day. And I remember that feeling every time we drive past Crown Candy.

cause its not a holiday - and that must be why

A lot of things have happened in the last three hours.
First – a co-worker passed away and word is just now trickling through the office. This is the same woman I helped through a seizure a few weeks ago. She was a mousy nervous skittish woman. And I can only say that I had just spent the last weeks since her seizure trying to get her to talk so I could befriend her. We had just gotten to the point were she remembered my name and she smiled when she saw me. She leaves behind two children and a ex husband who by all accounts was a arse to the highest degree.
Second and by no means of any true importance after the above mentioned statement – I think there is a possibility that the good Chinese spot is closed today, and that sucks cause I had my head all wrapped around a St. Paul sandwich and a strawberry soda.
Third – my mom called me- my grandmother – as a bit of back history – is just like me – so she is suffering from the same aliment that I am – you know – housefullofextrafolksfornoreasonandwhopaynorent-itis.  Right. So - its complicated in the details however it boils down to she has the other half of my family’s free loaders in her house and they are turning in to squatters. I told her I’m itchin for somebody to turn stupid so I have an excuse to act a donkey- so I’m going by there on Wed to turn into the eviction police. BTW – Spoken is moving out in the next week or so. My mother, it seems, is about to pull rank and make my brother move home, we’ll see how it goes.

The day is looking up how ever- cause the Chinese place just answered the phone – NICE.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

answers for slump

  1. What is the first priority when purchasing a shoe, looks or comfort?
Unfortunately comfort is my priority. I had surgery when I was a small girl, and after that comfort was always the goal. Can’t be cute if it will break your artificial ankle

2) What is the most you would pay for a “dress stiletto”?
If I could wear one, a couple hunned….
3.Which type of shoes do you own more of, “one-hour wears” or “all day wears”?
It never occurred to me to lump them like that -I own more all day numbers.
4) What is more important when purchasing a shoe, designer or look?
Look, but designer will help me try some stuff I wouldn’t normally
5) Shoe preference, “high heel”, “wedge heel”, “short heel” or “flats”?
I like my heel around the two inch mark, doesn’t really matter what kind of heel…
6) What is the most important piece of your wardrobe, “shoes”, “hat” or “handbag”?
7) Do you associate “cost” of shoe with quality?
yes Also with avalibility.I wear a larger size and if they cost more they are around longer for me to get to. P.s. to the shoe industry, more than three women in an given area wear larger than 9 – send more than three pairs please.
8) Is your dress style defined by shoes or clothes? If shoes, how do your shoes enhance your “look”, “attitude”, or “personality”?
Shoes always make me feel great. The perfect pair of Via Spiga’s can truly do wonders for a girls ego
9) If you only had $50, which would you chose to purchase, dinner or a pedicure?
Dinner – sorry nobrainer, I’m a chef first.
10) How frequent are your pedicures, per month?
Not often enough, If I had my way I’d get them twice a month, at least once with my hair apointment, and once with out.
11) How often do you get foot massages?
When ever my husband can talk me into letting him do it.
12) Is having someone paint your toes sexy, why? Also, would you pay to have it done, if so, how much?
If my husband wants to pamper me that way – I would find it extremely sex, depending on how he went about it. Only pay for it in refernce to a pedicure.
13) How important is the beautification of your feet to your overall level of confidence?it doesn’t really rank that high for me.. So many thing take president over my feet i’d rank them a three on a scale of 1 to ten.
14) Do you feel sexier when your feet are made up?
Not necessarily sexier, but more confident
15) Do you wear foot jewelry, ankle bracelets? If so, how often? When I have them, my kid likes to break things like that…, I wear them a lot. I wish iworemore casual jewelry in general.

Bonus Question…
16) If you could purchase a perfume for your feet, what would be the scent? Salvatore Ferragamo