Stream of consciousness
You guys remember a few weeks ago I posted a post when I was trying out wordpress and dual blogging here I posted about women and friends? You remember don’t cha?
Went all on about women and how difficult it can be to be a woman amongst women.
Yeah? Well, one of the girls I went to high school with and mentioned by name googled her self and guess who’s website was listed as number 1? Yeah, exactly. (why did I mention her by her actual name I have no idea, any of them really.)
But she, well, I’ll reprint her post here since she left it.
Hi Raquita, I just happened to google my name on the internet to see what I came up with. And to my surprise my name came up on your page. After reading your blog on 'women, friends and trust' I feel ashamed of the pain that I caused you when we where in high school. Never in a million years would I have thought my name would be linked to such cruel, mean, and unkind feelings. Today, I pride myself on helping others and being a great resource for my friends and family. I volunteer my time for such organizations as Junior Achievement and anything else that has to do with bettering the lives of children. The truth of the matter is, I was a very self conscious girl in high school and was dealing with my own poor self esteem/image (if you remember I wasn’t the smallest girl @ RGHS either – and my hair wasn’t the longest). I let people influence me (I was weak). Fitting in was much easier. None of this is an excuse for the way I made you feel. I just want you to know some of the reasons behind my actions. I will say to you today, I’m sorry that I caused you to not trust women. I apologize for all the harsh words, looks, or anything else that made you uncomfortable and feel bad. When I saw you at the 10 year reunion, I was so happy to see you with your family. I mentioned to several people afterward who did not get a chance to attend that you had a beautiful daughter and seemed very happy.(image placeholder) To answer your question, you’ve never done anything to me. Perhaps you were the target so I wouldn't be. When I think of Raquita Jones, I think of the girl with the camera who took the best year book pictures ever (I was only ). In earlier years, I remember Raquita as the girl who was an(second to you absolute fan of Janet Jackson and toted the scrap book around of her. Oh and also of the girl who got along with most guys in school. I remember a boy I was dating came home and told me he played basketball with you and you were really good. Never could I make a connection like that with a boy. I admired that you could be friends with guys and not have to date them. So please accept my apology. I know that it cannot undo what happened when we were teenagers but I hope it will help you to know that I was hurting too. Not in the exact same way but hurting none the less. I cannot speak for the others but, I hope that you will forgive me. I want to be as blessed as you are one day to have a daughter as beautiful as Cammy. I will make sure that I share this story with her to ensure that there will be no repeat offenders in my family. I hope that now when you think of Pauletta Whitehorn you will remember something good as well.Sincerely,Pauletta Whitehorn
I sent a note of apology as well, as I shouldn’t have posted their actual names and will go back and edit that and make that right. My note of apology read
I would like to apologize as well, I never should have put your actual name in that post, it never occurred to me that anyone who I went to high school would ever run across it. and I will remove yours and the others as I don't want people to google your name and come across it either.
high school was a long time ago, and it has been far too long to still hold grudges. I assure you I don't hold any, although I will admit the scars are still there.
We were all just girls trying to figure out our way into womanhood. no one ever said any of the walk would be easy. It amazes me still when you ask people what they remember how different the memories could be. You were so strong to me. at the time I thought you could see my insecurity and that was transgression enough. You were a great photographer, between you and (the other girl who took pictures with us in high school) (never tell her I thought you were better than her too) I was always very proud of the work we did in those classes.
This post came on a difficult little stretch - trying to figure how to give Cammy everything she needs, all the tools I can, how to make it easier, stop the scars, use my past to better her future. Explain to my other friend so she could see, too. So please accept my apology as well.
Hopefully we can both use these experiences to better the kids we come in contact with, I promise I wouldn’t change a thing about high school - or I would have never come to Jerry and Cammy. That is a trade I would never make, and I'm sure you have beautiful children in your future, maybe we can think play date one day?
Lo and behold the power of the internets and a blog.