Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Tuesday - its not monday

I tell you.
I’m feelin better.
I’m not moving around enough still. But the home is slowly coming together. Cammy’s school situation is coming to ahead. We’ve got a pretty good idea of what we want for Cammy, finding a place that fills those needs has proven challenging in our current budget. The funny thing is, Jerry and I are in the catch-22 level of finance. Just enough income to get NO HELP at all. We make too little to be financially secure, and to much to qualify for many programs designed to help get your kid into the school you want but can’t afford. I’m screwed cause I’m not jacked up. Thanks mom.  
Anyway, Jerry and I are learning the dance. I’m learning when to step in, when to back out. Its not as cut and dry as I had expected.
You know when you are young, you have all these dreams and expectations about marriage and men. You watch princess movies, and bad TV dramas, romantic comedies,  and you think you know what you want, what to expect. And then you grow up. And boys, don’t turn into the men we dreamed up. We do our damnedest to turn into the characters on TV, the princesses, ladies, the perfect blend of Claire Huxtable and Foxy Brown (that was my personal aim).  But the fellas, it never occurs to them – the majority – to be prince charming when they grow up, their mommas just want them to be ‘nice boys’.
Lucky bastards.
And then you think you’ve figured it out. You get your heart broken and while you are putting yourself back together you think – man, I’ve seen the light. I got a idea of how this works now, I got the dance down.  And you do the dance, get better at not getting broken – hopefully, and finally find somebody who you like to do the dance with.
You dance to the alter and figure out the song has changed, and the dance steps are a little different. And they keep changing. And your music interpretation is changing and so is his, so you gotta get him to tell you what he’s hearing and tell him what you are hearing. So everybody is stepping on two.
Well anyway, we are dancing together. I’m learning when to let him solo, when he needs me to, how to help him lead, how to support my frame, how to quick step, fox trot, and I like it. I like that we have some semblance of structure developing. Funny the same things they tell you children need to feel secure – grownups need too. Go figure.

I really want to take those dance classes I was talking about a few months ago.
Total side thought.
I went to visit a dance school. My husband will read this and go, “when did you do that?!?!”
A girl’s gotta have some kinda secrets.
I think I want some painting lesions for Christmas, my favorite artist gives lessons.
There is a easel I think I’m gonna pick up for my craft room.
My husband got a new suit for my sisters wedding, if he looks as good as I expect him too, I swear if we get through the whole day with out me ripping off his clothes I will have done my duty.

4 Comments:

Blogger Jaelithe said...

My husband sometimes deejays for weddings, and he always wears a tux when he does. Every time I see him walking out the door in that tux without me, I say, "When are you gonna wear that thing for me and take me out for a night on the town?" But so far he hasn't. Good babysitters are hard to find, and nights out on the town can get expensive.

There's just something about seeing a man you normally see in jeans or wrinkled khakis and a t-shirt wearing a nice suit or tux . . . Rrrrrrrrrr.

10:41 AM  
Blogger Enlightened ONE said...

I love reading about your life. Did spoken tell you how much fun we had the other night. at legacy

10:27 PM  
Blogger The Humanity Critic said...

Great post. It seems many of us are in that "catch 22" situation. Have a great weekend.

10:24 AM  
Blogger CousinSarah said...

Mama, aint been here in farrr toooo long.

Yes, the dance...the dreams...the steps...fantasy vs reality...the promises and heartbreak it brings.

I will pray for you about the money. I feel you ma, I really do.

Miss you.

10:47 PM  

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