Tuesday, June 27, 2006

moving on..

God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay,and who you refuse to let go."- Anonymous

This is a very note worthy quote for me. I saw it on a friends blog today. And it has made me reflect on my situation. My life is about to enter into its next faze. My tennant to whom we have been less than stellar landlords has purchased a house. Which means all those decisions about whether to rennovate or rent, are now coming to a head. And I now don’t have the spare energy to waste on people whom I need to allow to walk away.  The situation has eaten at me more than I can verbalise, so I have come to the conclusion that if there is to be any hope at all of retaining any idea of a friendship, It is time for some space.  
I have got whole real life things, my life things I have got to deal with, and further stressing over a friendship that missed its mark, I can’t justify that now. I don’t think I am going to post anymore on the subject until I talk to Spoken, I know she can’t read this at work due to her company firewall, but you never know. And that would suck cause I really need to sit down with her and expain exactly how I feel, and why this is such a major violation to me.  

Part of my problem is that I hold people to high standards. Which is a different subject isn’t it?

But I can’t help it. I want people to hold me to high standards. I want to surround myself with people who make me work harder to be better. A better writer, a better chef, a better mom, a better human, a better wife, sister, friend, neice, granddaghter, daughter, artist. . I want to be better. And some of  the people in my world  live – not digital, you guys totally rock - right now aren’t exactly helping me be better.  Its why I stopped hanging out in the poetry scene here in St.Louis.

That sucks.  

Totally besides that point Taylor Mali got married, and as he is one whom I most respect my congratulations are here for him.  

Also my most sincerest thanks to Sarah, and Jaelithe. They are two wonderful great people, and I am so greatful to know you both.

If I don’t post it enough, Jerry, I love you. You make me see the best and worst parts of me and help me change or make the best of them, and love me though it. You are God’s best and most fruitful blessing in my life. I am so grateful, eternally happy that we found each other and have celebrated our one year anniversary. I am looking forward to millions more.

Previous thing not mentioned – Sunday was our anniversary and we went to eat at a great little tapas restraunt in St.Louis called MiraSol. It was wonderful to sit with my husband and enjoy each others company as a man and woman. Funny how having a kid and turning your house in to a youth hostel will make you forget that you and your spouse did have a whole life, before you were the worlds rock of Gibralter. You were cool, and did cool stuff, and went to cool places. Its nice to know you are still a little cool benieth all the toddler stuff.

Still cool indeed, I love you baby.

3 Comments:

Blogger Marriage-101 said...

I'm glad you've decided to talk to her. It's a tough thing to do, because it could mean losing the friend. But hopefully she's a better friend than mine was, and she will understand. And it might just be that extra kick in the rear that she needs to get her act together.

2:19 PM  
Blogger Kay said...

A deep blog, quite interesting...

On a lighter note, I've been bugging hubby to go to Mirasol for ages. Maybe we'll make it by our anniversary this fall!

9:19 PM  
Blogger CousinSarah said...

Girl, YOU KNOW I GOT YOU! lol. I am just as blessed to have you in my life as well.

yes, you need to talk to spoken, and not just cause you have blogged about it, but it will help you in reclaiming your space,release you from the burden of clutter. Which oh my god, is something I have learned in my recent move. Baby girl, if she gets pissed or leaves, she wasnt who you thought she was, and again, reducing clutter. If she understands, then you have allowed yourself to stand up for what you need. So many women, we are socialized to be care givers and often we forget to take care of the caregivers.

You got my number girl...if you just need to call, scream real loud and hang up..i got ya. I got ya if you wanna talk too. lol.

Loves ya.

9:03 AM  

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