Tuesday, June 20, 2006

the begining of Fathers day

Most of you know I love to cook. I did a luncheon for my mom over the weekend, that went pretty well. I got a meat tenderizing mallet – AWESOME piece of metal. Then got Jerry’s father’s day gift, a charcoal grill, he was surprised. I was pleased he was surprised. He’s been jonesing for one for a little while. It was a group gift from all the people who live in his house. It was the least we could all do. He’s been such a trooper while all of these homeless people have invaded. Now we gotta get him a new gas grill and he’ll be good to go.
I’m a daddy’s girl. I may have mentioned that at some point. My parents are separated, and that was a difficult thing for me to come to terms with, understand and be okay with. My parents starting having issues the year I went away to college, or at least that’s when things got apparent to us kids that is wasn’t just parents being parents and arguing. It may have been apparent before then, but it became they aren’t gonna work it out that year.  They have been living separately for several years, and are moving forward and filing for divorce. I mention this because my dad is now and has been dating this new woman for almost as long as I’ve been with J. And he apparently much to my surprise is contemplating re-marrying. How ever vaguely, he is entertaining the idea. And I don’t know how I quite feel about that. The girlfriend is okay. Kinda of artificially happy – ALL THE TIME – but she is okay. She seems less than sincere sometimes, and I never really thought she was the one for him. She seemed safe. Accommodating. Not at all challenging. The air doesn’t crackle around them, like it did around my parents. Not that she should be my mom, but shouldn’t the new love be as strong if not stronger than the old one? But who am I to say its not. Its is certainly different. Jerry makes my skin feel like I have sparklers in my finger tips, and I want that for both of my parents especially if they can’t have it together. I sincerely pray that the new loves they find totally eclipse what they used to have. But I’m a daddy’s girl so I am prepared to default to his opinion on that one. He first mentioned it, remarriage, in passing, months ago and I thought he was totally kidding. Apparently not quite. And now I can understand all the articles I’ve read about how kids of divorce respond to the parents remarrying. Because I have caught my self thinking, wondering why they (my parents) couldn’t make it work. Watching my husband sleep and wondering what he would have to do for me to simply say this is too much. When would my family stop being enough, and I need to start a new one? Watch my sister and brother walk in their respective relationships and wonder how it would be different for us all if my parents had said “our vows are worth saving. It has not been easy, and it won’t be everyday from here on, but we are in this forever.” I do wonder.
My dad is moving eventually. He has said he will have my mom sell his home sometime next year. I gotta get a head start on dibs on his furniture. I’ve already put in a request for the sectional and the big screen (fat chance on the big screen I know.)  He’s moving in with his mom, eventually. And he can’t possibly take two couches, a dining room table, kitchen table, ect to his moms house. Which I think is a good idea, and if I could buy his house and transplant it to the city, I would.  But I don’t know how I really feel about leaving the city. Over at Mamalogues I just spent a few posts and comments, not even a full week ago, mind you, going on about how much I love the city, and I do. I really do. I never expected to enjoy city living as much as I do. But for my family, I don’t know that not going to the county would be the absolute best thing for us. My kid and my dog like yard space. They do. I could have the best of both worlds and purchase near my mom, but I don’t know that I can afford to live in the nine bedroom “mansions” that surround my moms home, and produce ATROCIOUS heating and cooling bills.  Those homes gas bills are as much as my current mortgage. Not kidding.
It was great to hang out with my dad for fathers day. I never get to see him much any more. He spends a lot of time with his girlfriend, and his mom and I spend all of my time with my husband and child, we kind of exist on phone calls and spot stops, to pick up mail at his house, or to stop by and spray, (he’s a part time exterminator) or teach Jerry how to fix (insert house hold item here). He sees my sister more often since she lives in the county less than ten minutes from his current home. My home is a forty five minute drive, once you are out there you try and see as MANY people as you can, so you don’t have to make that trip like a zillion times on $3 gallons of gas. So we shall see.


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