Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Catching up

The more things change the more they stay the same.

I got that library card, and we’ve been a hand full of times, we are hoping to go at least twice a week. She likes it there, I like it there, hopefully Jerry will like it there and we can all get some inexpensive out of the house time.

Still working on this whole bike thing. We got one bike, we gotta get the other one and the trailer and then we’ll be rollin’. We did make cookies, my kid is so very involved she poured everything. Helped with every action, even cracking the eggs. I love doing that with her. She was so excited, and likes watching the paddle mix the dough. I did not get to my moms house, and she was highly disappointed. You ever been so drained that getting in the car to go seemed like climbing a mountain? That was me on Sunday. And my bad mood makes everybody in my house moody. Cammy was a raging toddler most of the day. Cooking was one of the few high points to the day. I wanted to scrapbook, that didn’t happen but I pledge to get caught up soon on the scrapbooking, really.

Now I have been thinking tons about school for Cammy. I think its time. She needs to get out of the house more often. As most of you know, she is kept in our home by my Grandmother. Btu my granny isn’t focused on Cammy, and making the time that shes home most productive. She is involved with all her church groups and neighborhood groups, and helping her brother and caring for her mother, she doesn’t have the time or desire to do the things with Cammy I want her to be doing if she’s home. I am afraid that in all the good I feel was done in keeping her at home, she hasn’t had the opportunity to shine and grow. They don’t go out side often enough for me. The don’t go to the library, there are reading groups I want her to go to but no matter how many times I ask for her to be taken it just doesn’t happen. Part of me wants to home school her. But I am afraid that would be short changing her more. Her father and grandfather, they are easily genius enough to be able to give her what I want her to get from school. So we are looking into daycare learning centers as of right now, this weekend we have to make a list of where we want to go, make appointments and go. I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, but she needs so much more than Grandma can give her now. My first responsibility is to my daughter. I cannot fail her.

Responsibility. Highly over rated. My stupid brother cousin and Uncle have pushed my hospitality too far. My grocery bill has been astronomical in recent months. And I learn that my free loading relatives have been hanging at my house like it’s a college dorm lounge. And I am gonna have to be the bad guy and re set my house, too many people, and spirits, and things there. Cammy hasn’t slept a full night in weeks. Jerry is grinding his teeth, I have constant headaches and we need more space than our house will allow. Some days I don’t know what we were thinking in buying this house. I know why, really, but some days I just don’t.

And I’ve been thinking about me. A lot lately. I got so many thing I’m trying to do. And I need to scale back, but I’m afraid that I don’t know how. I can’t find my way to the things that are most important to me, and the help I ask for just doesn’t come. Dana over at Mamalogues said at one of her other blogs (I am so jealous she gets paid to blog) any who she said;
used to feel inferior and measure myself against
other Christians, people I considered better than me, people who don’t think or
ever say VERY sassy things every now and then, who have never had too much to
drink, or who’ve never yelled at the guy who just cut in front of them in
traffic, even though he TOTALLY was what I called him. Thus, I was somewhat
intimidated by such a strong topic. In hindsight I realize that I held a crappy,
elitist view and that we’re all in this together. I really try hard to walk a
straight line and be the best example for my kids, but just like everyone else,
I fall, I slip up, I make mistakes. I’m the antithesis of perfection but I try
and I go WHOLE HOG.

And I so agree with that. My faith is at best mine and at worst weak. But I do have faith and I am afraid my life is trying to drag me away from my faith. And I’m not going with out a kicking screaming fight. Sometimes that’s what my headaches feel like, like I have been arguing with someone for hours.

Grey’s Anatomy

Three hours of OH.MY.GOD. I swear killing Denny just put a whole damper on my day. I’ll get to that later. I love Addison, and Derrick doesn’t deserve either of them – Meredith or Addison. Someone on another blog characterized the getting it on for Meredith and Derrick as "I'm mad, hurt, angry, what are we doing, you're still married, I'm seeing the doc and I'm not a whore, although maybe I should be knitting, this is seriously complicated" sex. That sounds about right to me. And I swear if she goes with Derrick, that will just make my stomach turn. The Vet is so perfect for her. And if sex in an empty exam room will make Mrs. I’mnotawhore rethink what he’s done, then maybe she should rethink a lot of stuff.
I love George in this set of epi’s – is whole speech to Meredith when he admits he ignored the fact that she would not reciprocate his feelings but he did it anyway, gave him a million cool points. I think Callie’s deceleration of love made him think about everything and the way his situation with Meredith played out, because he knows as much as he likes Callie, he doesn’t love her yet, and Meredith wasn’t even to the liking a whole lot stage. Kudos George.
Alex, I appreciate your humanity towards Issy, I know you love her man but you are still an arse of the highest order.
Christina, love how she can’t handle being human. Love how the Chief was life tough ta-ta’s kid, get used to it. Love how Burke sees her effort, and cannot fault her for faltering. Even though he knows he needs more in a mate and offers to let her go with out any bitterness or repercussions.
Webber's wife (Loretta Devine) is awesome. I love how she put him on front street about Meredith’s mom. She was like look here solider, fall in line or get discharged. I liked his niece too, her speech to him about having been loved was great. Her friends were great too. Love the parallel between chief and Mom Grey and McDreamy and Daughter Grey. Same thing different decade.
My husband asked what I thought about Denny and this is exactly what I told him.
I hate that Denny had to die. You know none of the characters has had a happy ending yet, and I thought we were due one - George didn't get Mer, Alex didn't get Issy , Mer didn't get Derrick, Addison didn't get Der – not really, Der didn't get Mer, Burke got Christina but that’s not a happy ending yet, Callie didn't get an I love you from George, the Nazi is on mommy track and The chief is on front street - no body is happy, and its never that nobody is happy, that's not real. In real life somebody is happy some time. But like George says Life just….. sucks. Somebody should be allowed to be happy. Just for a minute. And I needed it to be Issy and Denny. Shoot kill him in the next episode kill him as he walks out of the hospital on her arm just give us some happy ending - sometimes you just need some happy ending. Cause you know of all the love I had seen on that show, Issy and Denny seemed the most real, reminded me of how I love Jerry- with your whole heart. I would do anything, ANYTHING for that love feeling, I would lose my job and risk everything to have him feeling. So when he died I felt it in places I never want to hurt in for real, ever.

Anywho I’m gonna work and not lose my job.


Blogger G said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:40 AM  
Blogger G said...

Good stuff with the library. Its such a useful tool that we can often overlook. There are some amazing happenings at our library for kids as well which is nice.
That cooking with Cammie will be sometihng she always remembers! What a beautiful tradition of you guys together.
About school. Man its hard right? Its so incredibly difficult to figure out the path that we are supposed to put our children on. Just keep it in prayer. The Lord will lead you if you let Him you know?
Sometimes it not really about responsibility in the sense we put it. You also have a responsibility to your man and to Cammie and to yourself. Its one thing to be the Jesus Girl you are supposed to be but you also have to take care of your family and that is in the Word too. Yuo can only carry someone else's yoke for so long before you gotta give the yoke to the Lord you know?
Its not just life trying to drag you away from faith, its the Enemy. God already has your soul but the Enemny wants your heart. When He has that you are not the person God wants you to be. Which is so incredibly important and the only thing that brings that joy. You know what I am saying the God joy you can only get through Him. All the other falls into place. We all fall in our faith and our walk. Its about getting back up and trying to ask the Lord to lead again. It sounds like you are already doing that. Just as you, as a parent, want Cammy to make the right choices, when she doesn't you don't love her less, she is no less then your beautiful, created, child, same as you to God.
Now on the topic of GA. Queue, this is my show. I MEAN MY SHOW! I LOVE THIS SHOW! lol. That was such a good episode. Heres my take...

Meredith-Frankly, after seeing Punk'd with her I have to try to erase that from my mind as being aprt of her character. That being said, she is a little too needy at times for me, and she is a bit overly flawed but I still love her ya know?

Derrek-Okay, so I think he is beautiful. That aside he has some serious issues. He needs to quit playing games. He has been straightforward with Addison. Its her who is allowing him to be complacent with her. She knows he is not hers. I mean for real. She slept with his best friend. Frankly, my husband does that, and while I will forgive, he is out. Peace. See ya brother. No sense of duty there once someone goes outside the marriage IMO.

Addison-Glutten for punishment. She made a bad choice but in that one episode it was shown that she didn't just make that bad choice once but several times. Uh uh. Not okay.

George-He redeemed himself for me again. He was starting to get too whiny for me. His relationship with C is annoying to me b/c they do NOT match at all together. They just do not match and I find thees ZERO chemistry.

Alex-So I am the only one who likes Alex. I mean I wouldn't date Alex but I understand Alex in a way. He is flawed much like Meredith but so many have such hatred to him and not to her. I find that interesting. When he picked up Izzy I bawled, like a lil baby, I bawled. It was beautiful.

Izzy-Wow. How incredible was her performance. I love her. I used to watch Roswell a show she was in (one of my fav all time shows) and I loved her then as well. I thought she did beautifully. I was shocked that Bailey said anything as Izzy walked out. Will she come back???

Bailey-I love her. Her spunk is awesome! When she was talking to them and telling them not to speak. I just love her character.

McVet-I love ya McVet.

It was so good. I hate having to wait. FOR REAL!!!

11:41 AM  
Blogger Spoken said...

I think we're going to have to have a G.A. support group until September. DUDE, like I said somoeone HAS to die in every episode. It wasn't going to be Burke, he's the foremost saught after heart doctor in the country, what ever. There were no other patience hat could have bought it save the arse of a resturant manager who did get it in the end. I will say it again folks Karma is a biotch, a big one. Did anyone else notice that Izzy's dress looked like a wedding dress only it was in salmon, witht the train & everything. I think kiling Denny sucked too. At least let him get to the wedding & them die. Hey 2nd season finale, it could have worked. When Bailey put them in time out I thought I was going to die laughing. I like Callie. And I also find it really interesting that on the blog none of the white men or women like her at all. Merideth, I don't know what to say about her. Of course I want her to be with Derek but be with him just long enough for Addison to go back to McSteamy & then dump him. Karma baby. Alex... I'll wait for Alex. I still think he & Addison are going to sleep together at some point. How mad was I when Christina turned her back on Burke not once but twice. Mann, I could have spit glass. God I love this show. And I take full responsibility for turning you into an addict.

On another note, I see you fighting yourself with yourself. I see you fighting yourself to save everybody else & try to maintain your sanity. You give everybody every ounce of youreslf on top of compromsing your own health.You're my best friend. I see you. I'm here you know that, in any way you need me to be, I'm here.

4:26 PM  
Blogger Queue said...

I know you see me, and I know you are there - thank you

4:30 PM  

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