Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Romance is dead isn't it?

Men suck at Romance…

You do you really, really do. I have a friend who shall remain nameless who has a holiday forthcoming with his lady friend. I tell him via the hints that she has said in front of me – directly in conversation with him, what I think she would like as a gift or gesture from him. He’s like that seems boring. BORING?!?! What she would like and what would take you relatively minimal effort to produce – would be boring? Spending an evening that she would remember –although it would require some creative thought from his artistic ass – would probably cost him less than 60 bucks. A hundred if he was really being adventurous. But HE finds the evening to be lacking excitement.


What happened to men who loved making their lady smile? The kind of guy who brings home the sappy girl movie and some popcorn to make her smile. The guy who lights candles with dinner. The one who doesn’t ask before he rubs her feet, or just brings her a drink.
Now Sarah was talking about this on her blog the other day and I meant to post about it then, but I didn’t - new year will blog- anyway. She was saying that feminism killed romance but only just a little bit. I say the feminism movement took romance out back and beat it like it raped her sister. Seriously. I am decidedly not a feminist. At least in the traditional sense of the statement. Simply because I like being taken care of, I like taking care of my family. I like when my husband opens doors for me. I like romance comedies and romance novels. Me and Nora Roberts? I’m so on it. The occasional Harlequin never hurt anybody. I believe in a womans and a mans roles inside their relationship. While they can be as varied as each relationship feel comfortable with, at my house I am the woman. I don’t take out trash. I like to be the one cooking. I like being the traditional wife in a lot of senses but alas I am not the Donna Reed or even Claire Huxstable for that matter. I don’t do laundry well. I can do it – get it clean but I’m such a bad procrastinator about it – my husband is faster and finds ironing comforting. So he does it. But that is all besides the point.
Feminism has traditionally been all about being equal. And in additionally about power. Making society see us as the same as men. Proving that men are not more powerful than women. Some feminists say that in general womens fear of feminism is really just a fear of politics. I disagree. I have no desire to be seen as the same as a man. We aren’t the same as men. I am not- we are similar. So I can do many of the same things a man can, but we are not at our base - the same. Physically around the age of 16 or so – boys became the strong physically of our two sexes but hey being able to bench press a cow isn't very useful as a woman - I don't think so - outside of making men feel useful by having them open the stuck jar of grape jelly. And i think men and women would be well served to remember and embrace our differences. and 'm not at all saying that feminism hasn't done much for me as a woman - although as a black woman I have my issues with feminism - For crying out loud if men are gonna make more for doing the same job I'd just as well have him spend the difference on flowers, dinner and a few sparkly baubles.

Talk to me people..

My goal for 2006 is also to write shorter blog entries cause I can get a bit carried away on the wordyness...


Blogger Sarah said...

You'd think, if it were something simple/easy, that your friend wanted, that her significant other would jump for joy. :)

Sometimes, I think men do better at romance when they're not trying to be romantic. NOT to say that when they put their minds to it, they're not successful. They are. It's just that sometimes, I appreciate the thoughtless, unplanned gestures more. For instance, when my husband comes up behind me, hugs me and kisses my neck. THAT is romantic to me. And he's not trying to be, it's just something he does. :)

10:28 AM  

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