Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Sumptin for Sarah and ex's for all and to all a good night

For Sarah

Anyway back to my regularly scheduled post. I had a very interesting weekend.

It was a long weekend, I was off Friday – because I wanted to go to a concert in Chicago but alas I thought my Granny was moving and the money was kinda funny so I canceled that trip. First blow to an other wise pleasantly planned weekend.
Then my ex called. My husband has a small sore spot when it comes to this ex. Its one of the few subjects that he regularly voices any discomfort. He gets instantly defensive, possessive and I dare say it a tad jealous. I kinda like that. Anyway J and I have a rather open relationship – not that kinda open you silly rabbit. We are very open and honest about everything. I don’t have any secrets and I trust he doesn’t either. So we chit chat about that situation but I think it kinda left a little residue over the weekend.
Saturday we had a dead battery then I took a friend to work and caught a flat tire.
Yes that was the kind of weekend it was. Sunday a dear friend bought a new friend over and he looked happier than a little bit. Alas one of my girlfriends is best friends with his ex- girlfriend and that has caused some friction – she saw him with new friend and while I asked her to keep all of this info to herself – I doubt she will, or rather that she can. She doesn’t keep secrets well, despite her best efforts, and it doesn’t help that her friend is a bit of a weasel and can is tricky enough to get Satan tripped up. Or possibly his ex girl reads this blog. Apparently a lot more people read this blog than I realized. Apparently my weekend was ex filled. The difference between the ex’s was that his ex he is trying not to hurt. My ex I’m trying to keep from pissing off my hubby.
Why is that even an issue? I hear you all yelling at the screen – you should just stop talking to him – do what you have to do to maintain your marriage- but its not that simple.
My ex and I were a couple for close to 8 years. We grew up together. Literally. I started dating him October 93, one of those fluke things. This girl in biology was like you two would make a great couple, we decided to go out and ironically we never saw her again. She just disappeared from class. We were typical young love and were happy until I graduated, that summer – then it started to go down hill. It took us until late 2000 to actually break up. And we toyed with the idea of getting back together but the break up and final few years had been too hard to undo or look past and frankly I didn’t like him anymore – I loved him- but I didn’t like him so I dated rebound guy and then I found J. And while I don’t want my ex – on any level – I don’t know that I can not know him. I wouldn’t even call what we are now friends. More like life acquaintances. He holds a place in so many of my memories, but I don’t know if he has told his wife as much as I have told my husband. That could be a mild issue with me. If we are just old friends why do I feel like I couldn’t call his house if I wanted to? I guess its mostly a respect thing. J’s ex only calls his cell phone. But if I were his wife I would always be a sore spot (long story – may tell another day) and my husband has every right to be concerned about protecting me and I’m okay with that. But how do you close off close to a third of your life?
My hubby for example had a girlfriend in college who I know he was a serious as he could be about a girl he wasn’t thinking about marrying. She was a short Jewish white girl and they dated for about three years. They still talk on the phone and e-mail and instant message all the time. And while it rubbed me the wrong way at first- hey I’m a woman – that’s my man and I can be jealous.. for a second. (if she was local I would have had to put my foot down) he told me there was nothing for me to worry about so I let it go. So this is the same thing right? Anyway I’m reading a lot I just finished Ntozake Shange’s Sassafrass, Cypress and Indigo, Nora Robert’s Red Lilly, and Zane’s Shame on it all. Yes My reading has been all over the map. I am working on a few new poems we’ll see.


Blogger CousinSarah said...

Preciate ya sista! I will be in the Lou on Sunday night. :)

Ahhh ex's, so sorry fa ya weekend. LOL!

5:44 PM  
Blogger Jack said...

Hey, I replied to your coment on my blog. Thanks for your thoughts and I'm happy you're still reading me...whatever the reason! Thanks for taking the time to speak your mind, you know you're always welcome to do that about anything, anytime.


8:16 PM  

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