Dear Ricki

Okay I’m looking for a few ways to put a little color in the blog so I have decided to do a little advice posting. I read Dear Abby and Dear Margo daily, and a lot of times find there answers bass akwards and always wish I could actually post what I would have said to the writer of the problem, so on Manic Mondays I think I will post a entry or two with my answer instead of Margo’s or Abby’s

Enjoy!  

DEAR Ricki: About a year ago, my husband started writing and publishing stories in a local newspaper. He never told me or showed me the stories. I heard about them from friends and then read them. The stories are about sexual behavior and fantasies involving other women. He uses the first person for the main character.
I do not feel comfortable with this and haven't wanted to have sex with him anymore. I asked him why he had to publish these stories. He said they were made up and he wouldn't write them anymore. I trusted him, but recently found that he was doing it again.
All his stories are about sex. Is he sick? I really can't have sex with him when I think of the stories. He thinks I am overreacting. He still wants sex with me. Should I take him to see a therapist?
--- TROUBLED
Troubled-
No your husband is not sick, he sounds creative, and a therapist probably isn’t necessary for him alone. Couples therapy may be beneficial, but not solely because he is writing these stories however.  
The question in this situation is why do you feel uncomfortable with your husbands sexual imagination? Is it that your friends have read it? Is it that he uses first person and you are not the female character?  
Instead of trying to figure out how to stop his imagination from working over drive, perhaps you should make that imagination work for you.
If you’ve read the stories, are there things mentioned that you two haven’t done together, and if so why not? Take the time to act out some of his stories with him. Perhaps his writing is the only outlet he can think of because he is not comfortable discussing his desires with you.
If it’s the publicity you are not keen on – ask him to use a pseudonym, and submit to a less local publication. Lots of people make a living writing romance, Eros, and erotic short stories, and there is nothing to be ashamed of in celebrating ones body and sexuality, as long as his inspiration is coming from home, (you didn’t mention that you thought he was cheating to find inspiration) I think you have very little to worry about, in fact you have a special opportunity to get inside your husbands sexual desires and you should use that to your advantage.

Happy reading!