Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The second beginning.....

Truth of the matter is I have no idea what the purpose of this blog is or will be. My pen has been dry for so long I am itching to write with no subject matter at hand at all, I am dying to be near writers, poets, anyone with ink in their blood stream or staining hands, but my sun has set on my time as a poet, anyway that's how it feels most days. I am so busy being a Mommy (daily diapers and pacifier hunts- but she is so worth it) and a fiance (planning a wedding out of the country - of which the groom simply says 'I'll let you talk to Raquita... when asked anything about it) and a daughter (buying her first home from her mommy realtor - self explanatory) and a sister (being supportive during her wedding planning and his life crisis) , and I'm sure I've forgotten at least three hats I try to wear instead of just trying to be me. But alas I am aware and this is my first step in trying to regain my footing, regain myself.
I guess I should start from the place I was most happy and introduce myself. I am Raquita, A poet / spokenword artist from St. Louis MO. I was commonly know as Queue. I performed regularly and wrote more than that. I love animals, dogs and ducks particularly, and art of all kinds. I can be rather opinionated and stubborn. I am a procrastinator of the worst kind, I lose things and forget more often than I care to admit, I have let down my friends more times that I care to remember. (My sincerest apologies to anyone I have not had the opportunity to address personally) I am not tall not short not note worthy except for my passion and heart, so most people miss me for what I am. I'm okay with that. Biggest flaw, I can't spell - figures.
I spend my days knee deep in my child Camille. She is every dream I ever had of motherhood. We talk and laugh and this, our first nine months together has been everything. I am knee deep in wedding plans, and a bit frustrated with the entire industry of wedding bliss. Why? Wedding dress shopping.

I am not small, and have never been. I am of ethnic descents African mostly, Native American cause I combed that great grandmothers hair, so I got what I needed; the hips and ass necessary to be a black woman. And that automatically makes me too big for standard society. I went dress shopping but unless you are a size 8 you can't buy a dress off rack in the wedding wonder world. Shoot if you are bigger than a twelve - you can almost forget about it. I almost forgot that I was primarily dress shopping because my mother and sister are so gung ho about this part of the wedding process, and started to get really upset about the lack of availability since your average american woman is a size twelve, (which is a size 16 in wedding gowns, who said wedding dresses are good for your ego?) My sister is a size 6, and ever the trooper, she came as my personal mannequin. But no matter what dress I liked they just didn't come in my size. I'm thick so poof is out, anyway it was snowman looking- no good. All I wanted was a simple A-line silk thingy with minimal stuff on it, that will go all flowy in the breeze since I'm wedding on a beach- is that too much to ask? Clearly the answer to that question is YES, or at least maybe - today anyway. I'll try asking again and come back to let you know how that goes....


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