Me...as soon as I figure me out..

I wanna try something so....

2008-03-03T12:09:00.000-06:00

I'm evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they're letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.

It covers:

The best blogging techniques.
How to get traffic to your blog.
How to turn your blog into money.

I'll let you know what I think once I've had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it's still free.

Still moved

2007-11-02T11:20:00.000-05:00

There has been a spike in people visitng me here lately - and I know I acidently put a few posts up afterI mentioned my blog move so

just so you know - I have moved to

http://blaquepen.com/wobl

see you over there -

2007-03-07T11:00:00.000-06:00

everything I ever wanted to say about my parenting

Rachel Mckibbens i broke the link before, I didn't mean to, i put it back to fix it...

movin on up - to the east side - to the DEEE lux apartment in the SKYYY Hi Hi

2006-12-01T13:32:00.000-06:00

Okay you guys knew it was coming – I have officially moved to my new blog home –

http://blaquepen.com/wobl/

that’s right- I am on my path to become a Wise Old Black Lady aka WOBL and my new blog home shall serve as a recording to all those who come after me and my quest to train the one after me. Cammy is my own personal WOBL in training.

This is gonna be interesting.

See you over at the new digs

Meme time!!!!

2006-11-30T19:24:00.000-06:00

I have been tagged by Jaelithe, the irony is she tagged me because I hadn’t blogged in weeks, we hadn’t spoken in a while, funny thing is I see her little glowing green light on Google chat all the time and think I would just be bothering her and I posted a blog entry yesterday.
*note – Gmail is worth using for the chat feature alone, if you have not converted to Gmail, I highly recommend it.
** Jerry has a new blog – http://blaquepen.com/epicblackvillainy update your bookmarks and check out my nifty attempt at lovin’ my husband via pixels and html. Yes I fixed up him a new template. Its not done, but it ain’t half bad either.

On to the Meme
Five things (some) people (probably) don't know about me:

Hmmm…. Let us see…

Every man I have had a serious relationship with has proposed marriage. That my friends, is my only dating claim to fame. They all want to keep me at some point. Never mind that that list is only three guys deep. That’s three marriage proposals. How many chicks can say that?!?! However the only one worth getting was the one I accepted. (collective awwwww)

I can juggle. And draw. And paint. This bullet should really be that I have a ton of useless talents. But I’m not sure that I hadn’t told you all this before at some point. Lets see I can pick up things with my toes. I have a photographic memory for random items ONLY. This will come in handy when Cammy starts losing strange things like her favorite polka dot sock, which I will know is in the toy box next to the kick ball under that homework she didn’t finish. See random useless talents.

I’m way cooler by blog than I am in real life. I meet people who I’ve met via internets and they are always like you were way cooler via e-mail/blog/internets – even the husband said it once or twice.

I hate designated gift giving holidays except for my birthday. I like the holiday and the celebrating I just don’t like the mandatory gift giving. Like this upcoming Christmas, I’m glad we are not giving gifts. I would much rather get a gift because somebody was thinking of me and saw something that reminded tehm of me or thought I would like or anything like that rather than they felt obligated to go in to hock in December. Now on birthdays I think both the mother and the child should get gifts, and all children should give their parents a thank you gift. Cause a birthday is YOUR holiday for to celebrate YOU – and that’s cool. But valentines day – and all those other random ones, should be designated gifts for kids only.

I read cheesy romance novels. My husband thinks its cause he’s not romantic enough… Hey if it gets him to work herder in the romance dept that reason enough to keep them around, however I just like em. They are like lifetime movie channel for my brain with out the TV part. I read big ones little ones, harlequin, silhouette, Abercrombie or Arabesque or what ever the one owned by BET is. I got a soft spot for Nora Roberts. When I was a kid like early teens I had a thing for Danielle Steel. The best Christmas present I had one year my mom gave like six Danielle Steel hard covers, I was SOOOO EXCITED. I think its where I get to let out my inner girly girl. Cause I only just started to do pink.

And that my dears is the Meme. Tagging Spoken, and Jerry cause shoot I wanna.

no title - just back

2006-11-28T12:30:00.000-06:00

It has been a long time people.

I have missed  you, I have no acceptable excuses for my absence. My family life has been hectic. Work is… well, work. And it has been a long month.
My sisters wedding went well. As flawless as can be expected. At the end of the day the things that were forgotten (like the autograph frame) and other mindless hic-ups were just that hic-ups and was a nice, nice day. Will post pictures once I get them from the photographer.  So now I got a new brother. And instant nephews. What does one buy for a nine year old? I know the deal on the one year old, but I have no clue on the nine year old.
Which brings me to Christmas. Tis the most wonderful time of the year. I am excited about it this year. And I have no idea why, our families have decided against exchanging gifts for the adults, so its not the prospect of receiving really cool stuff. I think part of it is my anticipation of Cammy’s wonder. Everything is so new and cool to her, and the idea of waking up and finding cool stuff under the tree is way cool to her, the wonder is real and she’s such a good kid. This is the first year where she can really grasp that there is cool stuff and that its for her. So I’m gonna do the whole wrapping thing, which I normally don’t do at all. And if time will allow – I want to make a day trip to Chicago and pick up some stuff from Ikea, for her room. She likes Cammy sized stuff. And Ikea has TONS of Cammy sized stuff, for Mommy sized prices. Besides – that means me and the hubby can stop for Ginos East while we are there. We haven’t done that since before she was born. So I am making my list and checking it twice, and focusing on my house still as my project. If I do one thing at a time, I will probably get this going the way we are supposed to.
I bought a lamp yesterday for my bedroom, and a alarm clock. It is the first  furnishing I have bought for our home since we moved in FIVE YEARS AGO. Even then we only bought what he HAD to have, like the couch, and a dining room table, and a desk. That’s typically the way things get done around here– what has to be done. But I’m changing my M.O. I’m working on getting past what has to be done and into what we want to do, I’m no longer gonna allow for ends to just meet, we are gonna tie a nice little bow with them things too!
Cammy is well into school. She no longer cries when I drop her off (yea!!!!!) she gives me a kiss and a hug tells me she’ll see me at five thirty, and is off to play with her friends. We talk about school everyday and what she learned and what she likes and doesn’t. Who her friends are – how they play. She is doing GREAT at the potty training at school, average at home. She’s talking and writing and trying to read. She knows the difference between a horse and a donkey, and other similar animal combos.
She was sick for a week and she really missed school a lot, I think that was the turning point for us and school. She was so excited to be back.
I completely avoided the black Friday shopping, I didn’t even venture from my house until Saturday late to return my blender to Bed Bath and Beyond- who I happen to love, I got a new kitchen aid blender.
*Kitchen toy note to self, I need to stop trying other brands and just go with what works, buy a kitchen aid, I’ve tried Black and Decker, CuisinArt, all manor of diffent brands only to be back at the store in two months returning it and buying a kitchen aid. EVERY TIME.

Cammy and I hung out at Toys R Us so I could get a good idea of what she is gonna enjoy on Christmas.
*Christmas Shopping now- what does it say about society that parents were out with their eight year olds asking them what they wanted for Christmas and then BUYING IT RIGHT THEN. No Christmas morning magic, no surprise, no money got tight trickery - then chistmas morning wonder – none of that. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!!!

Moving on – my husband turned domestic king this weekend and made the bestest quiches ever, which I am munching on today for lunch at work.  One with Crawfish and another Lorraine quiche. He also made biscuits and apple butter. YUM.

My good good friend has been gone for quite a while, we miss you sea hag #3!!! She should be back soon. Life is so much easier when you have your friends around.

I have been excessively tired for a while. Btu I still got a lot to do – no time for sitting still. I gotta get my dad in my house to get some work done. Next item up – Cammy’s floor. I think I want to replace the hard wood, see if I can find 100 sq feel of flooring on the cheap. Maybe I should just apply to Extreme home makeover. But no body has died, we don’t have any major illnesses, unless they count crazy – which would be eccentric if we had money. Who knows. After that last one with the family with the catering business – I am so gonna think about it, cause that kitchen was off the banger.

Anyway I am back as much as I can figure right now – so I’ll be posting again soon.

dads don't baby sit

2006-11-07T09:20:00.000-06:00

c'babi
Originally uploaded by raquita.

A while back I told you guys that my favorite artist EVER was C'babi Bayoc. Well he still is. But I have had the pleasure of meeting him on several occasions, and have recently started being a little more active in my active appreciation of his work. I also have the honor of calling he and his wife friends, and neighbors. Which is an even greater honor than owning his work. They are wonderful parents, their couple is beautiful, and their family is awesome. they are the kind of couple we try to keep around to keep us honest, and aware of our life, they are like a reflection I use to remember, in general. He keeps a myspace page, and a blog and has taken on a great cause which as a black woman I hold very very close to my heart, the reafrimation of the black family.
so many media outlets fail to portray black families with the most essential peice, I beleive, in tact and active - the black father. Most are at best portayed as absentee breadwinners, glorified babysitters used only when mom has lost her marbles and sex is about to become a lost artifact in the relationship. and in reality while too many of our families are incomplete, there are so many fathers who are being daddy, and do so well. men like Jerry and C'babi (a father of three) give me hope everyday that we as a people will get better, that everyday, a daddy steps to the plate and makes a difference in his child and his womans life. I would like to give a quick side note shout out to Greys Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes for giving us a good look at a black man being the pig, committed like ham on last weeks episode.
anyway back to my point. C'babi is also at the for front of this fight and while is audience isn't as big as greys anatomy's yet, I have faith that it will be. He has started a new mission to show communities what men honoring their families look like, and he has started a new website called dads don't babysit, which showcases dads in their element as fathers. This is easily my favorite collection of his work, this father series, please stop by, if you know anyone with an abandoned building he is wanting to use the boarded windows and doors as canvas, so we can plant the right images in our kids and oru adults heads. Sometime I think we forget too. Shoot, I would abandon my house to have him paint on it - if Jerry wouldn't freak out about being homeless. so please send this information to any building owners you may know. And stop by his site, and leave words of enouragement and if you are feeling the mission, spread the word on your site as well.

First day of school

2006-11-07T08:41:00.000-06:00

imgp7567
Originally uploaded by raquita.

Well.
You went, you screamed.
and then had a AWESOME day!! You teacher was so impressed! when we got there you were still playing and writing on the chalk board, jumping from thing to thing.
You are killing me with the Mommy don't leave in the morning. but The best way for us all to deal with that - is for daddy to do with walk in to drop you off, and for us both to go in the evening to pick you up. you learned about November, and thank you (like we don't already have the thank you thing down)
You didn't eat alot at lunch - but they aren't catering to your every culinary whim, how do you tell a school you kid is used to Pad Thai, and rosemary chicken so they shouldn't expect you to be too enthused about canned ravioli? you are still real big on the kid basics however, pizza and hamburgers.
you napped well, right on time, and you were your bright and beautiful self, although you did scratch you nose, and are fighting off a cold.
I am going to get on the ball and start scrapbooking ALOT MORE. there are so many moments we should have organised and documented.
congradulations Cammy, you are a offical Big Girl!!

*will post on wedding later!

Stream of consciousness

2006-10-30T14:22:00.000-06:00

Stream of consciousness…

You guys remember a few weeks ago I posted a post when I was trying out wordpress and dual blogging here I posted about women and friends? You remember don’t cha?
Went all on about women and how difficult it can be to be a woman amongst women.
Yeah? Well, one of the girls I went to high school with and mentioned by name googled her self and guess who’s website was listed as number 1? Yeah, exactly.  (why did I mention her by her actual name I have no idea, any of them really.)
But she, well, I’ll reprint her post here since she left it.

Hi Raquita, I just happened to google my name on the internet to see what I came up with. And to my surprise my name came up on your page. After reading your blog on 'women, friends and trust' I feel ashamed of the pain that I caused you when we where in high school. Never in a million years would I have thought my name would be linked to such cruel, mean, and unkind feelings. Today, I pride myself on helping others and being a great resource for my friends and family. I volunteer my time for such organizations as Junior Achievement and anything else that has to do with bettering the lives of children. The truth of the matter is, I was a very self conscious girl in high school and was dealing with my own poor self esteem/image (if you remember I wasn’t the smallest girl @ RGHS either – and my hair wasn’t the longest). I let people influence me (I was weak). Fitting in was much easier. None of this is an excuse for the way I made you feel. I just want you to know some of the reasons behind my actions. I will say to you today, I’m sorry that I caused you to not trust women. I apologize for all the harsh words, looks, or anything else that made you uncomfortable and feel bad. When I saw you at the 10 year reunion, I was so happy to see you with your family. I mentioned to several people afterward who did not get a chance to attend that you had a beautiful daughter and seemed very happy.(image placeholder) To answer your question, you’ve never done anything to me. Perhaps you were the target so I wouldn't be. When I think of Raquita Jones, I think of the girl with the camera who took the best year book pictures ever (I was only ). In earlier years, I remember Raquita as the girl who was an(second to you  absolute fan of Janet Jackson and toted the scrap book around of her. Oh and also of the girl who got along with most guys in school. I remember a boy I was dating came home and told me he played basketball with you and you were really good. Never could I make a connection like that with a boy. I admired that you could be friends with guys and not have to date them. So please accept my apology. I know that it cannot undo what happened when we were teenagers but I hope it will help you to know that I was hurting too. Not in the exact same way but hurting none the less. I cannot speak for the others but, I hope that you will forgive me. I want to be as blessed as you are one day to have a daughter as beautiful as Cammy. I will make sure that I share this story with her to ensure that there will be no repeat offenders in my family. I hope that now when you think of Pauletta Whitehorn you will remember something good as well.Sincerely,Pauletta Whitehorn

I sent a note of apology as well, as  I shouldn’t have posted their actual names and will go back and edit that and make that right. My note of apology read

I would like to apologize as well, I never should have put your actual name in that post, it never occurred to me that anyone who I went to high school would ever run across it. and I will remove yours and the others as I don't want people to google your name and come across it either.
high school was a long time ago, and it has been far too long to still hold grudges. I assure you I don't hold any, although I will admit the scars are still there.
We were all just girls trying to figure out our way into womanhood. no one ever said any of the walk would be easy. It amazes me still when you ask people what they remember how different the memories could be. You were so strong to me. at the time I thought you could see my insecurity and that was transgression enough. You were a great photographer, between you and (the other girl who took pictures with us in high school)  (never tell her I thought you were better than her too) I was always very proud of the work we did in those classes.
This post came on a difficult little stretch - trying to figure how to give Cammy everything she needs, all the tools I can, how to make it easier, stop the scars, use my past to better her future. Explain to my other friend so she could see, too. So please accept my apology as well.
Hopefully we can both use these experiences to better the kids we come in contact with, I promise I wouldn’t change a thing about high school - or I would have never come to Jerry and Cammy. That is a trade I would never make, and I'm sure you have beautiful children in your future, maybe we can think play date one day?

Raquita

Lo and behold the power of the internets and a blog.

random thought on my faith

2006-10-30T12:33:00.000-06:00

I wish I went to this guys church, and I’m not real big on church. But if I could find a local church that went with this process I probably would go more often.

http://www.whchurch.org//whchurch/pdfs/2006-07-30_NYTimes.pdf

I am pro life, in general and we disagree on some little things, but man – he’s got me on the big ones.

Cammy journaling #2 - princess Camille

2006-10-24T09:01:00.000-05:00

imgp7448
Originally uploaded by raquita.

So Cammy, you are two years four months and roughly six days old.
You are talking up a storm. Our days are filled with conversation with you and sometimes it catches up off guard.
You ask “What cha doing?” a lot. You are saying whole statements like “I would like some candy please.” And “I am watching baseball with my daddy.” You also call out touchdown during football games. You are still really, really attached to your binky, stating the other day with your granny. “ I must have it have to go back for it granny!!” when you left it at church.
You are talking to me about the things we watch on TV, we have discussed the rat and the dog fight on lady and the tramp. And what a baby is, and why its so amazing. Your Disney movie obsession is going strong. Currently we are watching Fox and the Hound (more puppies) although we start it after the mother gets killed, again. We talk about how important it is to be true friends, and treat people the way you want to be treated. You like to cook with me. I love to cook with you. We are good friends. We have a good time. You have started paying attention to my stern voice better. You have spurned a set bed time. Although you are set to your bed time routine. We MUST read a story or two, where the wild tings are, and god gave us you, are in heavy rotation. Corduroy books and books with flaps are favorites too. you are brushing your teeth all by your self, and barely need a boost to rinse anymore. You run like the dickens when its time for pajamas but you will say you are ready for bed and take my hand to help you get ready. You will be starting school soon. I’m a little nervous but I think we have found a good place for you. We are excited for you!
You are gonna be the flower girl in TiTi’s wedding. We are practicing with your multiple holloween costumes. And watching my little sister get married gives me glimpses of what it will be like to watch you marry, and watching you walk down the isle – as the flower girl, is by far going to be the highlight of my day.
You are officially our little lady. No longer a baby. Even when I cradle you like Darling cradles her baby and you laugh when I sing to you, you are only a baby in my memories. My little baby girl.

Tuesday - its not monday

2006-10-17T11:38:00.000-05:00

I tell you.
I’m feelin better.
I’m not moving around enough still. But the home is slowly coming together. Cammy’s school situation is coming to ahead. We’ve got a pretty good idea of what we want for Cammy, finding a place that fills those needs has proven challenging in our current budget. The funny thing is, Jerry and I are in the catch-22 level of finance. Just enough income to get NO HELP at all. We make too little to be financially secure, and to much to qualify for many programs designed to help get your kid into the school you want but can’t afford. I’m screwed cause I’m not jacked up. Thanks mom.
Anyway, Jerry and I are learning the dance. I’m learning when to step in, when to back out. Its not as cut and dry as I had expected.
You know when you are young, you have all these dreams and expectations about marriage and men. You watch princess movies, and bad TV dramas, romantic comedies,  and you think you know what you want, what to expect. And then you grow up. And boys, don’t turn into the men we dreamed up. We do our damnedest to turn into the characters on TV, the princesses, ladies, the perfect blend of Claire Huxtable and Foxy Brown (that was my personal aim).  But the fellas, it never occurs to them – the majority – to be prince charming when they grow up, their mommas just want them to be ‘nice boys’.
Lucky bastards.
And then you think you’ve figured it out. You get your heart broken and while you are putting yourself back together you think – man, I’ve seen the light. I got a idea of how this works now, I got the dance down.  And you do the dance, get better at not getting broken – hopefully, and finally find somebody who you like to do the dance with.
You dance to the alter and figure out the song has changed, and the dance steps are a little different. And they keep changing. And your music interpretation is changing and so is his, so you gotta get him to tell you what he’s hearing and tell him what you are hearing. So everybody is stepping on two.
Well anyway, we are dancing together. I’m learning when to let him solo, when he needs me to, how to help him lead, how to support my frame, how to quick step, fox trot, and I like it. I like that we have some semblance of structure developing. Funny the same things they tell you children need to feel secure – grownups need too. Go figure.

I really want to take those dance classes I was talking about a few months ago.
Total side thought.
I went to visit a dance school. My husband will read this and go, “when did you do that?!?!”
A girl’s gotta have some kinda secrets.
I think I want some painting lesions for Christmas, my favorite artist gives lessons.
There is a easel I think I’m gonna pick up for my craft room.
My husband got a new suit for my sisters wedding, if he looks as good as I expect him too, I swear if we get through the whole day with out me ripping off his clothes I will have done my duty.

women friends and trust

2006-10-13T10:48:00.000-05:00

a girl and her NeNe
Originally uploaded by raquita.

As a woman I have always had friend issues. Trust issues. Afraid of being back stabbed. Always hearing my name amongst whispers in the hallway. Being the brunt of name calling. Guys, never had a problem with the guys in school, in life, didn’t catch a whole lot of flack unless they happened to be with a girl who was into giving me shit.
And there were a few Jennifer Wells, Pauletta Whitehorn, Trinette Jones, who gave me more than enough grief in high school. Their names stained in my brain, faces stamped in my nightmares for years. I remember trying to figure out why, I was the target. What transgression I had inflicted, what had I ever done to them?
It never really mattered, if you asked them now, they probably couldn’t tell you what my crime had been. At work recently, a co-worker recalled a girl who she and her friends made fun of constantly – her transgression – her eye brows. How she chose to wear her eye brows. I am ashamed that I didn’t call her on why that was a justifiable offense, when she has a two year old daughter she is raising right now. And I wonder if my daughter will have to face her child, and defend something as trivial as her eyebrows. So alas maybe they can remember. But it doesn’t matter it just made it hard for me to trust women in general. Made me question anybody who had something to say that was nice or kind, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting to hear what they really thought. There were days where I snapped and kept the line relatively drawn. There were subjects you didn’t touch. Days I just wasn’t in the mood.
And it didn’t hurt that I wasn’t small. I was 5’7” 150lbs and on the basketball team. I was fit, and not afraid of being physical. But self conscious and thought I was a blimp. But I wasn’t trying to be suspended. In my school suspension (i.e. days absent) reflected on your grades, and I didn’t have any grades or days to spare.
Then I met Candy.
We were Sophomores I think. She was in band. She was pretty. And Smart. And just as damaged as I was. She was church mouse quiet. But a blast to hang out with. She and the group of friends we quilted together Curtis, John, Candy, Myself, Johns girlfriend, later my boyfriend, and sister and my sisters friend who then became John’s second girlfriend.
And I remember this because I remember how that group of people, especially Candy got me through those last years of high school. And I remember how devastated I was when she walked away.
She got pregnant when we were in college together. She had actually left me long before that but she seriously stopped talking to me then. Our friendship as teetered off and on since then, most days me waiting for her to need me, miss me, call me. Me calling because I need her, miss her, and my God daughter. They live just far enough away that I can’t just stop by and take them to lunch. She’s had a second child. She’s still the smart one, still pretty, still the one I look at with wonder. The distance by car seems to equal the one in our relationship, long when you think about it, but actually kinda short once you drive it.
I mention all of this because my currently best friend, Spoken, blogs too, she will read this when I post it to wordpress, I have mentioned her in many a post, good ones, and not so good ones. But she is my ace. There no matter what. Our friendship has been stretched, pulled, and pushed, taken its lumps but she is still here.
We are fundamentally different, yet the same. I feel safe in our friendship. She’s got to cut down the cursing with my kid around. And I think my kid picked up “Stupid ______!!!” from her. Which caught my attention when it was “stupid mommy”. But other wise…
I don’t believe she is just going to disappear. In the beginning I did. But slowly, surely, we have crafted something, solid, that will not simply be put away. For me it was simply a matter of wanting a friend more than I wanted to not be hurt. Things happened at all the right times I guess. I had recently had it out with Candy about the state of that friendship. And I had come to peace with it. Misunderstandings were understood, and I came to accept what she could offer me as my friend, and let go of what we used to be to each other. So when Spoken came, actually she was given to me, I was alright with the relationships with the other women in my life. My mother and I are closer than we have been since I was – shoot twelve. I am so close to my Aunt. My sister is my hands down absolute BEST FRIEND on the planet, the way your sister should be, in that cheesy TV sitcom kinda way. But Spoken she came and gave me what I was missing. Someone who honestly chooses to be your friend. And if I were to die tomorrow, I believe Spoken would be there to tell Cammy who I was. In ways that Jerry and my sister would not think to say, she would remember the things I would want Cammy to know, that I don’t know to tell anyone so they know.
And I the post I’ve linked to previously Spoken talks a little bit about how hard it is to share thing with me, because she values my opinion, and doesn’t want to disappoint me. That she envies my life and my relationship with my family.
What she doesn’t know is as much as I love my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
I envy hers as well.
Spoken is honestly one of the most honest – at least when she’s being honest with her self – brutally honest people I know. My mother is the only other person I know who doesn’t even own gloves to take off, that’s how real they keep it.
She is honorable. And she has this awesome work ethic I hope she helps me instill in Cammy. She is smart. And talented. She speaks several languages, plays classical cello, and is single and free to do anything and go any where. She wasn’t afraid to leave her family and go. My biggest wish is that she trusted me enough to play for us.
But I envy her freedom, not in a I would trade what I have for it, but - I wish I had it too - way.
The funny thing is she’s seen my yard up close, she knows where the brown spots are and how much work it takes to keep my grass green. Its grass, my special mix of grass seed that works for my yard. Granted I use a special fertilizer, made by that family she envies. But its no greener than any other yard. And I know the grass is not greener in her yard. I’ve seen hers up close, its green, just not greener than my grass. She makes my grass greener.
So what I want to say to you Spoken, is ours is not to envy as individuals, because you have been instrumental in my world it would not be what it is with out you, and I hope yours with out me.
Yes I want you to relax and be happy and have fun, because I remember what it was when I was in your exact place, and regret is not something I want you to find after you settle down. My regrets are few and very far between, mostly because I chose to live! and I am still trying to hold that choice close to me. Enjoy the life you have been blessed with, ENJOY it. You do not get extra time later. Today is what you will remember tomorrow. This is what scares me for you, if I was ever to be disappointed, that would be why. If you live and die with regrets – real ones not the silly ones we spot in the middle of the night over Greys reruns, that would make me sad. Make it count, Spoken.

love thursday

2006-10-12T21:04:00.000-05:00

my sister....
Originally uploaded by raquita.

this is my sister trying on dresses for her wedding in November. She is the reason my posts will be rather sporadic for a litte while bu tit seemed like a fitting love thursday post cause I love when she looks this happy.

I do not love you....

2006-10-11T11:59:00.000-05:00

I do not love you
-pablo neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose,
or topaz,or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret,
between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep

My husband used to read this to me in Spanish and English. Usually during intimate moments between us, physical or not, in the quiet of midnights, even now I can close my eyes and remember his voice pressing against me, my hands holding us still and the breeze from the books pages. My mother asked me for love quotes, my sister asked me for poems, and this is the one I think of every time they asks me, and I thought if I posted it here, I could let my husband see that I remember, I remember all of it.

its Wedsday...

2006-10-11T09:23:00.000-05:00

Hump day is Grateful Day for my friends Cousin and Copo! (Hi guys!!!)
So I need to bite and today I will list mine.
1. I am grateful for my creation and the life I have been blessed with
2. for my child and her cute little hands.
3. for my husband who pays attention and listens and hears me
4. that Copo found a slam nation dvd – movie party copo!?!?!?
5.I’m grateful that I am employed, even if I am not in love with my job.
6. I am grateful that my sister liked the dress I found for my kid.
7. I am grateful my family is always there for me,
8. Grateful that I have talents even if I don’t know what to do with them
9. grateful, that I am grateful, that I know how good my life really is.

today is the begining

2006-10-10T16:16:00.000-05:00

But is it still the beginning if today was really two days ago?
10/9/06
I’m telling you – its been a whole year in my head not just a week or so since my last post- real post. Things are swirling like a typhoon around us, and it is just a matter of will that there is relative calm in our home, despite all the things that are going on. In a breath of good things though – the more I pray and meditate about our situation - the more clear I become about what exactly is expected of me. Not by my husband or anybody else mind you, but what I expect and what I believe God expects of me.
The difference between who you want to be, who you need to be and who you are sometimes can feel so vast. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see who I want to be and she seems so far away. Who I need to be isn’t too far from who I want to be, and who I am is just going to have to change. Today I am making the changes necessary to become who I need to be.
I’ll let you know how that goes.
In the mean time I am hunting up a school for Cammy. It is the number one item on my to do list. I’ve made an appointment to visit with the school that is currently top on my list. A friend of mine used to work there and had nothing but wonderful things to say about it. They kids have a great student teacher ratio and special needs kids, although I believe all children are special needs, but children with disabilities and children with out are kept in inclusive care. I would love for Cammy to learn by more than just saying that all people are the special, and learn how to respect all people, and build compassion and all of the other lessons we believe its time for her to learn.

I’ve had to make MORE lasagna. It was Chris’ birthday and alas – he must have lasagna.
Alas so I made it.
I went to the Shaw Art fair this weekend, and spent some time with my sister like two or three times. Which is sadly unusual. Her wedding is upcoming, so I bet I’ll see even more of her lately. I like hanging out with her, and I hate that it is simply a matter of us living on opposite sides of the city that keeps us from hanging out. You know when she was moving across the country I just knew because she stayed I would be able to see her more often, but that is not the case. I spend evenings with cousins who are not really, and wish I could have the Ronata I want, in addition to the one I have.
I miss having a stereo in my house.
That was a random thought.
I was just thinking how nice it would be to go home and turn up the stereo and dance with my husband and daughter, and cook together and chill. But that cannot happen. Receiver is totally busted.
And I’d like a new CD player.
I would like a frozen apple martini, some sushi, and a chocolate fondue dessert from melting pot.
10/10/06
I’m not feeling cute. Not feeling attractive in the least. Started walking at work on my breaks and lunch. That makes me feel a bit less like a blob.
I don’t like feeling this way. I don’t like how
Did I say I was cutting all fast food out of my diet, all soda – except for my single bi-weekly cheat of a IBC cream soda. Gonna try and trim all the high fructose corn syrup – heard you can find soda made out of actual cane sugar – actually I don’ think that will be productive so I’m not gonna Google it yet.
I need to shed 100 lbs in eight months. Without surgery. I think I need to start running. I hate running. Maybe I’ll get that bike seat. I really hate running. Like people hate skin heads and racists THAT is how I hate running. I love playing sports. I need a basket ball league or volleyball or something. I know what you are thinking. And no, I don’t mind running in the context of a sport but I hate running like to get from point a to b. Track is not a sport – it’s a getaway practice. Its high end walking.
(I know its really a sport all you track runners out there – I don’t want to hear it today. I was even on the track team, Shot-put. That’s right NO RUNNING)
Anyway I figure I gotta have a goal people. Any ideas where I can get some decent menu ideas?
My husband brought me some sushi today.
I love him.
I got a zillion things to do to get ready for my sisters wedding, too bad I can’t lose that hundred pounds by Nov 5th.
I’d even cheat and take a pill if I thought it would work.
Lipo, if I had the money I’d do it. But that’s surgery isn’t it, maybe I’d bend a little on that surgery thing.
Anyway – its kind of a bad day- or the last few have been less than stellar for me.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings .

Maybe I’ll bake. But that isn’t gonna help the weight thing is it?

Hmmm.

5 years and then....

2006-10-09T09:36:00.000-05:00

How different were you 5 years ago?
September 2001
How old were you? 24
Where did you go to school? Wasn’t in school
Where did you work? Southwestern bell
Where did you live? St. Louis County hazelwood
Where did you hang out? Legacy Books, and other poetry readings
How was your hair? Afro’d it was LARGE ya’ll
Did you wear glasses? nope
Who was your best friend? Starlight, Amber, sheba
Who was your regular-person crush? Didn’t really crush then – I was too high on myself
How many tattoos did you have? none
How many piercings did you have? None – just ears
What car did you drive? 95 VW jetta – I loved that car
What was your worst fear? Not finding a job I loved
Had you smoked a cigarette yet? Yea I tried it but I don’t smoke
Had you been arrested? Yes – I had an aversion to traffic court
Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: dating like a maniac*

*LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW !!!!!**
September 2006:
How old are you? 29
Where do you work? At&t (same company – after merger)
same town? St.Louis city – which is like night and day .
Where do you hang out? my living room
Do you wear glasses? nope
What is your hairstyle? Locs
Who are your best friends? Spoken, Ronata and Renata
Still talk to any of your old friends? yep
How many piercings do you have? Same ears
How many tattoos? none
What kind of car do you have? I split a trailblazer
What is your biggest fear? Not making the right choices for cammy
Have you been arrested since if so how many times total? Once – the last time – I got all those traiffc things fixed
Has your heart been broken? yes
Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: MARRIED

biggest change? I am a mom now.

Anybody else wanna crack at it? Post a comment and I’ll come read yours

Friday's are Grey

2006-10-06T10:20:00.000-05:00

Okay so yesterdays epi was "Sometimes a Fantasy"
and I am loving the direction the writers are moving with this season. The thing I appreciated most about this epi and the show in general is that they don’t hold the focus any one place too long.
So lets jump right in!
*Just a note this epi was written by Debra Cahn and you can read her take on it over at Grey Matter.

Okay. My friends, we call our selves the Three Heffas, it’s a loving term really, watch the show normally together- although heffa numba two (i.e Spoken) works late on Thursday and we end up watching it twice when she comes over. We each identify with a different character, I am pretty much Christina only I’m way more sensitive than her, even if I forget to be nice sometimes, Spoken is Meredith – only with out the sleeping around thing, and Renata is equal parts Issy and Callie, only with out the killing of patients cause Renata is the only one of us who is a Dr. or the closest to being a Dr, and is the only one of us who has access to patients to kill. That seems to be the thing this season, as they flesh out the characters more and more we each begin to see more of your self in the other characters. Like I am totally feeling Issy right now.
I love how she is just tortured inside and knows she can’t go back in there (the hospital) until she is less tortured. In my living room after the season opener I stated several time, that the only way Issy is gonna get any move on – going on is to get some closure and Per the previews next week she’ll get the closure I knew she would.
Now Christina, she’s smart like me, and I refuse to believe that it takes her – me – that long to come to the conclusion that support is needed, and figure out a way to support. Deep down Christina is like me – shes a care giver and I think that she bottled that away cause shes got mommy issues. But when she can get over her mommy issues (which loving Burke the way he has to be loved represents) she will be okay with caring and it won’t take her a whole show to figure out how to care. Cause the chicken, that was totally, totally cool.
Burke himself is going to have a rough time of it, he’s trying to make it okay in him self that he might not be able to be a surgeon, but he needs Christina to be like his mom, and know it for him, despite all the logic. And I think that is what Burkes mom was trying to convey last week, and it is truly what I would want for my son. A woman who believes what is necessary despite and beyond what he believes. Reality is all about what you believe. Burkes mom believes his hand will be better, and Christina has too as well. And the chicken was her belief. I think Burkes mom would be proud.
Mer/Der/Fin
Okay – I remember being Meredith, before Jerry, like RIGHT before Jerry I was dating. Like seven or eight guys. Seriously. We were just dating. No hanky panky. Dinner and a movie. And I was on a serial dating spree. It was a second job, and just as hard. Do you know how hard it is to keep more than one guy straight in your head?
You don’t talk about anything meaningful cause you don’t want to forget who was trying to go to law school, and who was trying to open a recording studio. It makes me tired just thinking about it. And when the guys happen to bump into you while you are dating somebody else. Egos do fly.
So I can totally sympathize with Mer on this one. Cause you could tell at the end of last weeks episode those guys were just as amped about competing with each other as they were about winning Mer. They are doctors – McVet is still a doctor no matter what Christina thinks – and doctors are competitive.
I bet that whole dating thing goes the way side next week – with Mer hopefully choosing the vet – hey I can dream.
And the Threesome dream, SWEET!! While I have no desire to sleep with two guys I can appreciate being surrounded by that much sexiness, on your own terms. Again read the writers take on it, it will make you smile and laugh.
George and Callie. George is such a boy. He doesn’t know what he wants. When Callie told him to use his words, HILL-arious! And him ranting about the Green Lantern and Robin?!?! Callie she is classic with the towel. I love how she’s like - what ever - that will teach you to ask me about your stupid towel. You’re sleeping with me but you are nervous about your towel?
And Addison. I love her and Mc Steamy together. And I love her interactions with Meredith. They are AWESOME! Addison is AWESOME. She’s my favorite woman and if she was just a little more snippy I’d be Addison with out the cheating on the husband part – LOVE YOU HONEY!!! And he’ll (McSteamy) stay in Seattle because she’s staying cause the chief was right, it is the best opportunity and she’s smart enough to know that – even if it will be torture running into Derrick and Mer, but Mc Steamy staying will even the playing field, and make Derrick six levels of uncomfortable. I think he still hasn’t dealt with the loss of his friend any more than he had dealt with the loss of his marriage.
Wish we had gotten some more on the chief and his marriage and what’s up with Mer’s mom lately? What say you Chief goes back to her? Yes she’s sick, but he’s gonna take care of her. What’s say you?!?! I’m crazy, we’ll see.

Well what did you guys think?

Love Thursday - Thinkin he loves her too

2006-10-05T08:25:00.000-05:00

Thinkin he loves her too
Originally uploaded by raquita.

This is my love thursday post. WE don't love Arbys just each other, but the arbys thing was fun, we wore those things through the taste of st. louis over the weekend, yes while we were eating samples from five star places we had on Arbys hats.

it was sweet!!!

and my kid is too cute, and my man his cuteness can only be rivaled by hers.

2006-10-05T01:59:00.000-05:00

Biff's Question Song

I like him.

Overheard in St. Louis - cyber moms attack

2006-10-04T17:02:00.000-05:00

Early evening phone conversation at 4:53 this evening.
Me: This is Raquita, hi mom.
Mom: How come I can’t compose an e-mail in G-mail?
Me: what do you mean you can’t compose an e-mail?
Mom: you know write an e-mail? Compose and e-mail… oh wait now I see it, figures,
Me: (hysterical laughter)
Mom: whatever!! Goodbye!
Me: bye mom.

as if I am not trying enough things....

2006-09-28T10:45:00.000-05:00

I want to build this for my kids room.

Anybody have any ideas on how pray tell I do that?

Its his party and he'll drink Sake if he wants to

2006-09-25T16:44:00.000-05:00

Yes I know – THREE POSTS in one day… sue me

How can one weekend hold so many different extremes?
We threw a party for Adam, which ended up costing twice the budgeted amount, however, we also had forty five people show up. I was expecting twenty to thirty so so I guess if twice the people show up , you can’t really be surprised about twice the cost now can you?
My husband is a joy, he did everything I asked of him, every little thing. All weekend. I was up for a full cycle, cooking and getting the food together, shopping and shopping and shopping. If I never see the inside of a grocery store ever again. We were up until six am with guests   Okay I fell out from eleven to five but I got back up to close out the last few guests. Cammy was a princess. She, as usual wowed everybody. She ate an obscene amount of chocolate and cookies, and cake.
It was 45 of someone else’s closest friends. But they were truly great people, except for Gringo. He was an arse. But outside of that my house was clean, so clean if fact that people who come by weekly were stunned. Which I don’t know was a compliment or not, anyway, Jerry got the upstairs very, very presentable, moldings painted and halls and stairs (thanks Spoken) and I made THREE GIANT MEAT LASANGAS and a big ole vegetarian lasagna, Bread, German chocolate cake, and cupcakes  which ironically was just enough to feed everyone who wanted to eat. There was good music and good conversation, and this guys great kids you can’t ask for a better evening. Why does he get the shout out? Cause his kids brought me flowers, which was so sweet.
I am still a bit tired, but it went very well, my hubby and his best friend were happy and that was the ultimate goal. Jerry was nervous about throwing the party in the beginning but he is always glad we did after so, I’m glad it went as well as it did.
Cammy threw the tantrum of all tantrums on Sunday. It was the first time she has ever just screamed for the sake of not getting her way, and I am proud of us we didn’t bend, we went through it – me not so gracefully, but we did it.
And now we have to start planning this weeks, dinner menu, and this months next home renovation plan. We’ve gotten a lot of the painting done, and the molding and baseboards, we gotta a little ways to go, but I’d like to have our bedrooms moved up stairs by Thanksgiving. Wish us luck!

Clash of the Diet

2006-09-25T16:28:00.000-05:00

We are having a  bit of a clashing of parenting when it comes down to Cammy’s eating habits. Jerry is of the school of restriction, and I am of the school of moderation, you know, teach them the path to walk… etc. Neither of us was able to watch Cammy particularly well during the party and she had free reign of the chocolate fountain (I didn’t think she could reach up there, but alas she can) and friends gave her what ever she asked for. I gave her a little lasagna which she didn’t seem too thrilled with. And she ate a lot of fruit while I was making the platters to accompany the chocolate fountain. However I think she did have too much candy on Saturday, but how often does that amount of sugar happen for her? But it caused quite the conversation on Sunday after she got home and asked me for a Sprite and I said sure. (which to me means giving her like a fourth of a can.) Her dad responded like I was giving her a five pound bag of sugar and a spoon.
Okay maybe not that dramatic but hey, its my blog, I‘ll remember it how I wanna.
She was a infant the last time we broke that thing out so, that would be never. We don’t trick or treat so we don’t have that mountain of candy to contend with in October. Her normal candy consumption consists of a dum dum pop. possibly up to three, if shes able to get over on me, and daddy, and grandmother.

And the nutritional value of a dum dum pop?

Serving size: 2 pops (13 grams)
Calories: 51
Total fat: 0 grams
Trans fat: 0 grams
Sodium:0
Total carbs: 13 grams
Sugars: 10 grams
Protein: 0 grams

That means if she gets over on us all and has three a day, she’s probably consumes all of 15 grams of sugar,  just over how much she gets from a single packet of instant oatmeal… (not including all the doctoring granny does to the oatmeal which normally does include an additional sprinkle of brown sugar)

Calories 130
Calories from Fat 25
% Daily Value
Total Fat 2.5 g  4%
Saturated 0.5g    3%
Cholesterol 0mg 0%
Sodium 190mg    8%
Total Carbohydrate 27g   9%
Dietary Fiber 2g 8%
Soluble Fiber 1g
Sugars 12g
Protein 3g

I understand his concerns but I think the panic was out of place. Kids who drink soda and juice rather than water and non sweetened drinks, (pray tell what other  things can you give a kid that has no sugar in them? Honestly? Milk, she’s allergic and drinks soy mostly which has a lot of sugar in it I’ve found.) Kids who eat large amounts of candy daily and all these things have a higher chance of  becoming obese and they start eating habits that are hard to break. But I don’t believe we are instilling those types of bad eating habits. I am very aware of what we give her and what we offer her, daily, how often we give her sweet things, vs good snacks, and fruit. And we work hard as a family to instill good habits.
She brushes as many times a day as you will let her. Normally three times. In the morning with granny, after work with me, and at bed time with daddy. She eats during the day, although granny does too many fast food things at lunch time, cause they are on the move so often, but she gets good dinner, and good fiber filled breakfast, normally she eats it well. She’s likes to eat veggies when I’m prepping for making dinner, will try anything if you let her, but she’s always been a majority meat eater. Like carrot sticks and spinach, and sometimes broccoli. She likes salad, and apples, and strawberries, and pineapple, but on her own terms. And I’m okay with that, I give her a lot of choices and hope she’s eating enough to be okay.
But I don’t believe I’ve set her on the road to obesity cause she’s allowed to have dum dum pops or her vitamins are gummy bears. She is fond of Gummies and lemon heads and is allowed to have them (one or the other) from the local Bissengers when we go to the mall.  I think our personal eating encourages variety and  trying new things. How many toddlers you know love pad tai? and Curry? She loves sushi. (we only give her the cooked fish pieces for now) She loves Chinese food, and hummus, she liked the Cuban food Jerry made, and the classic meals we make. She likes lamb and salmon salads. I think we are lucky in our kids eating, shoot she could be one who only eats cucumbers and grape soda. Or only red foods, (I know  a lady with a son like that) or just crunchy stuff, or only this food on Tuesday and Thursdays. Or what ever. Shes just a kid, and she eats pretty good I think.

In the words of Kat Williams
“She’s a child she’s supposed to like skittles.”

Dear Ricki

2006-09-25T15:57:00.000-05:00

Okay I’m looking for a few ways to put a little color in the blog so I have decided to do a little advice posting. I read Dear Abby and Dear Margo daily, and a lot of times find there answers bass akwards and always wish I could actually post what I would have said to the writer of the problem, so on Manic Mondays I think I will post a entry or two with my answer instead of Margo’s or Abby’s

Enjoy!

DEAR Ricki: About a year ago, my husband started writing and publishing stories in a local newspaper. He never told me or showed me the stories. I heard about them from friends and then read them. The stories are about sexual behavior and fantasies involving other women. He uses the first person for the main character.
I do not feel comfortable with this and haven't wanted to have sex with him anymore. I asked him why he had to publish these stories. He said they were made up and he wouldn't write them anymore. I trusted him, but recently found that he was doing it again.
All his stories are about sex. Is he sick? I really can't have sex with him when I think of the stories. He thinks I am overreacting. He still wants sex with me. Should I take him to see a therapist?
--- TROUBLED
Troubled-
No your husband is not sick, he sounds creative, and a therapist probably isn’t necessary for him alone. Couples therapy may be beneficial, but not solely because he is writing these stories however.
The question in this situation is why do you feel uncomfortable with your husbands sexual imagination? Is it that your friends have read it? Is it that he uses first person and you are not the female character?
Instead of trying to figure out how to stop his imagination from working over drive, perhaps you should make that imagination work for you.
If you’ve read the stories, are there things mentioned that you two haven’t done together, and if so why not? Take the time to act out some of his stories with him. Perhaps his writing is the only outlet he can think of because he is not comfortable discussing his desires with you.
If it’s the publicity you are not keen on – ask him to use a pseudonym, and submit to a less local publication. Lots of people make a living writing romance, Eros, and erotic short stories, and there is nothing to be ashamed of in celebrating ones body and sexuality, as long as his inspiration is coming from home, (you didn’t mention that you thought he was cheating to find inspiration) I think you have very little to worry about, in fact you have a special opportunity to get inside your husbands sexual desires and you should use that to your advantage.

Happy reading!

2006-09-21T13:26:00.000-05:00

Sooo sweet

the Daily Show 10 F-ing years: Even Steven

You have no idea what you missed...

Overheard in the office - thanks Benticore...

2006-09-18T14:02:00.000-05:00

But That Wasn't Working, So I Switched to George
Suit #1: So I was banging Alice in her office, and she started crying. It reminded me of George and Meredith in Grey's Anatomy.Suit #2: Wow! That must have been a turnoff.Suit #1: No, I kept going. I just pretended I was banging Meredith.80 J StreetSacramento, CaliforniaOverheard by: Extra Character

Just another Manic Monday

2006-09-18T13:14:00.000-05:00

It has been a emotional weekend for me.
Granted I may just be hormonal. But never the less. J and I have been seriously discussing our future plans. How we feel about the way our life has progressed up to this point as a couple and where we would like to be in the future.
Most regularly the topic of a second child has come up.
My family keeps calling asking if I am pregnant with number 2.
No. I am not.
J asked if I was trying to get pregnant.
No. I am not.  And I was kind of insulted he would think that. Glad he would ask if he was thinking it, but still. I barely know how we are going to do the things for Cammy I want to do, let alone how we can swing a second kid.
J and I see saw back and forth on this topic daily. We both do want a second child, we both worry that we will be short changing the new child, Cammy and our relationship if we decide to take that step, at least if we take it now.
So timetables for when we want to do what and what a second child will mean for our marriage, and relationship separately as well as collectively are being drawn and rehashed and redrawn and reevaluated. Cause this time I don’t think I’ll have the luxury of grandma at home with the baby. So that means day care, and strangers with my kid, and by then Cammy will be in school. So we are talking tuition in addition to day care fees. Then there is home, and the house, and cars, and  work and jobs, and Jerry’s writing, and my art, and countless other things to consider.
I tend to forget that J and I are newlyweds. We’ve only been married a year and we don’t get to do a lot of the cute newly married couple things. At least they don’t happen automatically we have to  make a concentrated effort to BE newlyweds. And in the midst of being parents we tend to forget to do those things. And another child means risking falling further down the list of priority.
We never had a reception, never had a house warming, never celebrated our union with our family and friends. We celebrate each other, which we did very well this weekend I might add, and now with the house renovation underway I worry that we won’t remember the small moments that hold us together.
Funny thing is, I never really wanted the wedding part, I was extremely happy with whisking away to marry  even though now, I wish I had done the wedding here just so J’s family could have been more involved. But there are no do-overs, and no guarantees.
So I am looking at this house renovation as a chance for us do some bonding together. There is something very comforting about working next to him, pouring over ideas and paint swatches. Building things, our life. I tend to feel confident in our ability to do things around the house because I guess I feel like with him I can do anything. So replacing moldings and sealing brick walls, feels like childs play. You give me a do it your self book and a few videos from DIY TV and I’m tellin you I would be alright installing the new bathroom. He makes me feel that confident that we can do it, I wish I instilled that kind of confidence in him.

Anywho…
Grey’s in Four days….

Meme monday - courtesey of Stlworking mom

2006-09-18T10:35:00.000-05:00

1.If you make sweet tea, or your favorite style, do you use Luzianne, Lipton or something else?funny I actually found Teavana in Atlanta a few years ago on a poetry trip with my husband. Teavana is to tea drinkers what starbucks is to coffee drinkers, only its way cooler. I would love to drink more hot tea, Jasmine dragon phoenix pearls and emerald princess brews were my favorites there. I just don’t do it often, no time to get to the shop to pick it up, for a sweetened ready made tea I drink Arizona. Jerry has this toy too I gave them out as Christmas presents a few years back.
2. What brand of toilet paper do you buy and is it the larger rolls or regular? Charmin and I do buy the double or larger rolls - dude cause nothing is more depressing than nine rolls of toilet paper disappearing faster than cake.
3. Which brand of bath soap do you use? Body wash or bar?oil of olay, body ribbons, and that in the shower lotion. 4. What cereal do you buy for yourself?I love berry berry kix which I cannot find in the greater St. Louis area anymore. So I am forced to exist on reduced sugar foot loops and frosted flakes, and crunch berries, but not crunch berries with extra colors or glow in the dark anything or any crap like that, just regular old crunch berries, cause I’m a grown up damn it .5. What brand of dishwasher detergent do you use? Liquid or tablets?I use Cascade, the tablets when I could care less about the budget. Liquid when I’m trying to appear cheap.

6. What’s your favorite fruit?I love strawberries. Especially in dark chocolate.7. Which brand of laundry detergent do you use?This is funny I was just talking to my friend about how I use Cheer just cause I like blue and that’s the color of the bottle, my husband likes Tide, I had to use Dreft for the kid for a while. 8. Do you like chocolate?Actually I didn’t like Chocolate or meat until I got pregnant and found the wonder that is dark chocolate. 9. Are you right or left-handed?I’m right handed, and so spurn the lefties as a kid I tried to teach my left handed cousin to be right handed. He can currently use either hand for most things. 10. Do you still write checks or use a debit card?People still write checks?

St. louis has a Taste wekkend?!?!

2006-09-15T16:47:00.000-05:00

Okay there are few things I love more than Food, and Art, and food as art, and food and music and art.

On Sept 29th and 30th Taste of St. Louis is going down.

Yea!!!!!

I didn’t even know St. Louis had a Taste weekend. I always went or wanted to go  Chicago for the taste the weekend of the 4th. And while Nelly is a Major sponsor, I’m trying to let that bring my opinion of him up, not my opinion of the event down.

One day I’ll have to post my Nelly post.
Cause he totally lost me after that whole Tip Drill video. Totally. And I wonder how he can look at his momma and grandmother, and how they can be okay with something like that. Cause I would BEAT MY SONS ASS, fo real if he did some mess like that. Fo’real, fo’real. If you can’t make a living and respect me and yourself and your community and you daughter (cause he has one) then you need a new job.
Nelly, is a decent guy. I know people who know him, his children, his children’s mothers, his family. They are good people. But being a good person does not excuse you from your responsibility as an role model and presence in the media of Black America, whether that weight is fair or not, it is a part of his role, and his desire to be a celebrity. And running a credit card down a woman’s ass in a music video is disgusting. And a man who would think that is okay for mass media presentation would not be welcome to date my daughter.

Any who  Let me stop before I will have posted that Nelly post after all.

Go to the taste, check out the sight. I’ll be there.

Yea!!!!!

I’m bringing sexy back….

2006-09-14T11:23:00.000-05:00

What is for you cannot be un-for you
                    -friend of Chookooloonks

Hi all. Its been a lil while since I really posted – posted. And unfortunately now is not gonna be the time I really get my post on. And I’ve missed ya’ll. Things have been moving along at a rather brisk pace. Working on the house. Working on myself, working on the marriage.
Working on watchin ALL SIX DISCS of Grey’s anatomy.
Yeah baby, life is truckin along.
My kid is talking up a regular storm.  Whole sentences and statements. Repeating everything. I am learning to be very mindful of not only what I say around Cam, but what other people say around her.
I could mention how wonderful my husband is but I can’t have you ladies plotting on stealing my man, he’s that good.
We had to tell a friend that they had to totally clean up the language. She was just too much all the time, and that is just not gonna work for the shortie.
Making plans, following through.
What’s up with you guys? I’ve been reading you all through google reader, and the only down side to using it is that I can’t comment from that screen. So I tend to leave fewer comments – but know that I am there and I am rooting for you!
Anybody hot under the collar about that whole target selling bra type shirts for six year olds?
How about the newly documented pressures of 1st grade? Are we parents doing too much pushing the schools too hard?
I’m on the waiting list for day care, and while I never planned on being one of those parents, I can’t really say that I’m surprised that I am one of those parents.

And while I am screaming for better images for my daughter I am jamming out to Justin Timberlake. Right, no one will take me seriously.

Derrty baaaaaaby… I’ll let you spank me if I misbehaaaaaave…..

I love that song.

2006-09-13T14:17:00.000-05:00

Cause Somethings are even better soft

2006-09-12T14:02:00.000-05:00

Okay I just heard the new Janet single So Excited..

And I’d just like to say, Janet’s in the BUILDING!!!

What!

Now if she would just make sure the video isn’t all whack like Call on me was, (and no I'm not hating cause nelly was in it, it was just not cute.) we might be making a comeback for ya!

I was a massive Janet fan in middle and highschool, probably sinceI was like ten or twelve.
and While I'm not all about every magazine and every single (althoguh I do still like to get the imports) i do enjoy her work, when its not whack. And she can get so artsy it can get whack real quick. but when shes on, she can shut Britney, beyonce and the rest of them right on down.

And I think I like he ran JD together, she hasn't been this happy, shoot, ever. And thats a good thing.

come on Janet- bring it.

touching base

2006-09-12T12:48:00.000-05:00

I’m not sure how I feel about the possible switch to word press. I like to change too much too often to be restricted to templates. Shoot if you got photoshop you should use it right? (I’m working on a new blog for me and Jerry and a friend now) so for now – I think I’ll be dual posting at both the wordpress and here. Although that may be a tad bit annoying. It must be done.
At least while I figure out exactly what I want to do for a blog, I’m thinking about using my http://blaquepen.com domain as a base for a full wordpress blog, and not use the one they host. I’m still researching. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Still workin on the house. I need a lamp so I can work after dark. and more time. There is never enough time.

Copa- I’m with you man, if you need to veg out tonight and watch some greys with us, come on by,
Sarah- you totally rock, your mommyness is inspiring
13 – girl we gon get this party started right
Aeshema/Benticore – I love you.

Episodes 6 thru 10

2006-09-11T13:18:00.000-05:00

Whew. It has been a long week, and I didn’t get everything I wanted to get done, done. Which sucks.
Vacation that didn’t exactly rejuvenate. But just gave me more goals.
Which was a mixed sucking.
I did A LOT of painting. And wood cutting, and spent too much on the painting and wood cutting but hey- gotta do, right?

Lucky me.

But I did spend the week with my kid, which was a mixed blessing. She thought I was staying home for good, she just couldn’t grasp the whole vacation idea, so she threw a monster fit this morning when I left for work.
However I did get a lot of work done. Even if it wasn’t everything I wanted it to be. We got Cammy’s room completely painted, and the molding cut (I just have to attach that one last piece.) her play room is painted, just gotta finish the base boards, and do the accents. I found chalk board paint and magnetic paint. So I got the stuff to make the frames for the walls. Jerry got a lot done as far as the hall way, we did get the whole plaster face removed from the brick wall, and most of the paint removed from the base boards, the rest of that happens tonight cause I have to return that tool tomorrow.
Spent the remaining portion of last night watching Grey Anatomy reruns. A friend go the DVD a bit early and brought us a disk. So we watched all five episodes.

Sweet.

Back to Cammy. We got to do a lot of learning play. We did a lot of flash cards, and numbers and letter work. She is a pro at brushing her teeth, she wants to do it like a zillion times a day, I let her at least three of four times. She’s totally talking way more than before. Asking a ton of questions about everything.
We played at the garden and the park. I think we are gonna make our way to the butterfly house and carousel in the near future. And possibly back to the science center this week.

Pictures of the transformation of the house coming soon.

Tomorrow is Grey Day. The Season two DVD release. I can’t hardly wait to have my OWN copy in my grubby little hands so I can veg out and watch all the extra features and all the extras and all the episodes I didn’t catch the first time around, I’ve already seen two I hadn’t seen before.

i've changed because remembering is not enough

2006-09-11T09:37:00.000-05:00

It was one of those days where you can measure life in before and after it.
I was just stepping into womanhood before.
I met Jerry after. Had Cammy after.
Life was more complicated before.
After it is easy to cherish every day. Love every moment.
Let down walls, respect people.
Forget stereotypes.
Listen.
Pray.

Trying out a new thing - I fixed it

2006-09-07T16:17:00.000-05:00

a new blog - thinking about it.

the address is http://raquita.wordpress.com/

it is called WOBL-in training.

i thought that was fitting.

Love Thursday

2006-09-07T16:01:00.000-05:00

the water is ewww....
Originally uploaded by raquita.

Mommy and the cute one this love thursday. Doesn't happen ofter I'm on that side of the camera so enjoy it people.

still running around....

2006-09-06T16:57:00.000-05:00

making my vacation count. I'm Bobette vila up in here in the mean time more of my fearless wonderchild...

vacation is a trick statement

2006-09-05T14:01:00.000-05:00

imgp7237_edited
Originally uploaded by raquita.

Running around too willy nilly right now - will post soon! Untill then here is my wonder child!

One and one equals

2006-09-04T22:55:00.000-05:00

wonder twins
Originally uploaded by raquita.

Friends.

I got a chance to hang with Jaelithe and her wonderful family at the festival we always seem to run into each other at. And what a wonderful family they have.. and they were so together.. once I blog how totally out of it we were you will understand why I was so in awe of a mom who remembers the diaper bad. yeah it was that kind of day.

Issac is a joy to be around. they kind of yin and yang, Cammy is fearless, as J pointed out but issac is more calm, and sometimes calm would be nice. And and a family unit they were jsut the cutiest. Did I mention her husbands shirt was a few levels of awesome.

but Jaelithe is the kind of mom i always aim to be. Thoughtful and so aware of him. her are a few pictures until I can actually blog my long arsed day.

umm. Why can' t you pick your family? selective genetics, is soemthing we should probably invest in.... will that resolve stupid?

2006-09-01T11:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, wasn’t the best day.

I’m not really prone to grudges, and tit for tat exchanges. But sometimes I find myself on the opposite side of the do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You know doing unto others as they have done unto me.
And I hate that. I really do.
For example. I have a relative who unless he needs you – you can’t find him. Need him to wait for a delivery, or help move something, select any minor request and insert here - he’s ghost like Patrick Swayze. But let him need gas money or a place to crash or anything at all and you couldn’t shake him with with an earthquake.
Then there is the relative who has no respect for people, or a persons things. I don’t like leaving him alone in my house cause I never know what he’s gonna “borrow” until I see it at his house.
The first relative I simple had to say, hey- I don’t have it for ya.
The second one I had to curse the hell out.
And I hate that.
But he royally pissed me off.
And he had it coming.

On top of that. My dad is sad.
And that sucks kinda royal. I hate for my dad to be upset. He doesn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve the way he was treated (totally separate than the two knuckle heads listed above) and even if things work out I don’t know that I would want it to.

And I have to buy that paint sprayer after all. E-1 you still down on that?

But its Friday, the first day of my vacation (which starts at 5 p.m. today) and that totally rocks.

Gotta find the silver lining, hold on to it and use it as jump rope.

So I never felt this way about lovin...

2006-08-31T15:58:00.000-05:00

No reason for the Brian McKnight reference, Jerry mentioned the song this morning and now I can’t shake it.

So I got my first issue of This Old house via the mail today. I watch that show a lot, TOH as it is commonly referred to by people who watch it a lot, is right up our alley, because our house is certainly old. I also upgraded our cable a few weeks ago for the sole purpose of getting the DIY channel and the Fine Living channel, since I plan on doing both I figured it was an investment and I have learned a lot about what I can expect in the renovations of our home.
One of the shows I watch a lot is the DIY rescue show and the guy who hosts that has a blog and he answers questions. And it is so cool, cause he, or somebody, really answers them. And it really helps. They give thoughtful complete answers. And that rocks.
My vacation starts tomorrow at five p.m. sharp. Thus I plan on going totally Bob Vila all up in that piece.

I told my friend I really didn’t think it was gonna work out, him staying with us, and I will give him my final no today. I tried to change our mind, but its not the right thing for us at this time. Honestly it really has very little to do with him. But people never believe you when you say that. It almost feels like a break up, he came by last night to pick up something he left at the house and he was very ‘you kicked my dog’ sad, mumbled and left with out a good bye.
Sometimes it makes me wonder what kind of friend would let you risk your marriage to get them out of a tight spot. I know they don’t do that intentionally, but they don’t not do it when it starts to happen either.
It also made me realize Jerry and I have a very strong solid relationship, but every boat rocks, and we must put on a pretty good front cause I got the distinct feeling he didn’t believe me when I said we need to work on us. Why does it matter what he thinks or thought? It doesn’t, but it is really fascinating how easily people get to a “the grass is greener” mentality. For me my grass is emerald green and it can’t get any greener some where else. We make enough fertilizer during the rainy season that the fading spots don’t stay that way for long, and we get more than enough sunshine to keep it growing well and looking good. If I had to relate relationships to gardening, we’d be that lady who spent as much of her time out in her garden as she could. So much so that people wonder if she neglecting the cat.

Anywho going to pickup that paint sprayer today, and I was thinking I wonder if my hubby would let me do some graffiti on that brick wall… what do you say sexy?

Love Thursday

2006-08-31T12:05:00.000-05:00

imgp6341
Originally uploaded by raquita.

You know all this talk about best friends leaves me thinking about who your friends really are. And hands down without a category my sister is my best friend, (husband withstanding) she and I are more alike than either of us would care to admit, we are just severe opposites in how we display those simularities.

for instance -
we are both dog people however her dog weighs eight pounds, my dog weighs eighty.

we are both very particular about security in relationships (we both carry mild scars from our parents divorce) she however is comforted by different secuirties than I am, she is a homebody most days and her home is a santuary not a lot of guests, my home is my santuary however I have a revolving door of guest, (somedays shes way smarter than me too)

I hope that I am as good an Aunt to her children as she is to mine. Cammy and her are way alike in so many ways.

you know how they say God offers payback in the form of your sister as your daughter. Honestly I can't think of a better blessing.

I think I'm gonna call my sister and make some plans to visit her.

breaking patterns

2006-08-30T11:40:00.000-05:00

I am a bleeding heart.

I know this. I am aware. I have a save the world mentality. I hate to see people I know in any kind of difficulty. I want to help every thing and everybody. When I was a kid, I was known on occasion to give my tithing money to the guy on the corner, what I didn’t spend on candy mind you. I brought home every stray imaginable. I begged my mom in high school to let my best friend stay with us when her family was having problems, and she did, for six months. My home for as long as I can remember has been a place of refuge for friends and on occasion strangers. My first apartment, at one time housed Tim and then Valerie, friends from community college. Then there were the co workers from waitressing, who need a place to crash. Then I got into poetry and then the poets came, and any one who had a chap book or a CD and a good delivery could call through a network of poets started by Lamar Hill (so another story), could sleep on my couch for the duration of a cycle – the first poetry event of the week to the last one, as many as seven poets at a time have been in my home, probably in the area of thirty or so individual poets have graced my doorway. Most multiple times. I have taken old ladies home waiting for cabs at the grocery store. I have picked up moms with a kid in the rain and gone out of my way to take them where the bus would have. I have given my last dime to buy a guy a meal. I have worked for free at a for profit bookstore, because I didn’t want the poetry night to end.

I tell you all of this not because I want to impress or I need validation but because I need you to understand how hard what I have to do is.

My best friend is in trouble. It is of his own making. A series of blatantly stupid and just plain bad decisions have left him with out a place to stay.
Those of you who read or have read my entries previously know this is not new for us. We are just getting our home back from the last time it turned into a youth hostel. Spoken is comfortably in her apartment, Rock and Dwayne are currently in apartment, and John has moved back in with his mother. It has only been about three weeks since all has gone back to normal. People leave our home at some point during the evening, even if its after we go to bed.
Our house is quiet save for our own noises. And it has been wonderful. My husband and I are repairing the stress marks that time caused, one day at a time. God blessed us, there were no breaks in our armor, no cracks in our foundation, but heavy stress marks remain, like plastic bent just to the point of breaking. Our lives have gotten no less stressful, his mother issues (see his blog) our financial stresses, the house – which isn’t stressful yet, but its renovation – the stress will come. Cammy’s schooling, getting her into school, and then paying for that school.
Then my friend makes the request. Asks if he can stay for a while.

And I have to say no.

Against every pull in my heart to make it work, I can’t sacrifice my marriage to help any one else. And it would be. Neither of us want to admit it, but it would. I can not sacrifice my sanity to help anyone else. Not until we are better and more comfortable, and healed from the last time. And to be totally honest I don’t want to be anything less than my husbands safe harbor, he needs to know that our family is my number one priority, and that I have focused my energy on that long list of stresses previously mentioned. I can't help him resolve his bad decisions by making one myself.

That being said my dad found a paint sprayer so I can get some more work done upstairs, which totally rocks, my dad he totally rocks too, alot like my husband, my dad is.

But the rest of this sucks.
It sucks hot sweaty monkey balls.
Seriously.

Cause Saturday was so good we did it again...

2006-08-29T10:14:00.000-05:00

The sexiness I call my husband has thus posted about the adventures of the wall and the wonton, which we happened to repeat last night.

Why mess with a good thing?

We just gotta get to doing this stuff earlier, cause we didn’t make the wontons until like ten thirty… which means my lovey dovey kid was KNOCKED OUT. And would be very upset to know she missed the newest addition to the wonton night menu, Crab Rangoon. They are her favorite thing to eat as of late. She takes a bite out of the center and just sucks the creamy cheesy crab filling out never failing to make her self a gooey mess. Never fear, I kept six them to fry this evening for her goo sucking pleasure. Cause that’s the kind of mom I am.
She ate a faithful back up of Pizza rolls, grapes and cheese for dinner. And she really at it. Which is a welcome change. Cammy is a picky hearty eater. If you can find what she actually wants to eat she eats with gusto, if not – not so much. I happily worked on Cammy’s new bed room some more. Got the purple on the walls.
Honestly we were backed up because we went and got that stove yesterday. (yippie!) it was such a dramatic experience (too many chiefs not enough Indians) that it took some of the happy happy joy joy right out of it. No matter. We got home, I cleaned the living room (this is a major thing) and then went straight up stairs to get a few coats of paint on the walls. Its slowly becoming exactly what I want it to.
I have made arrangements so on Friday we’ll get that infrared paint thingy to help me remove the paint from all the base boards. (I kinda wish I had painted all the walls before I started this but, no matter!) and a friend is interested in splitting the cost on a paint sprayer, while my husband is all about the faithful and loyal paint roller. Easy for him to say, since he’s not been ANYWHERE near a paint brush thus far. However, I will admit, I don’t mind doing the painting, home repair and maintenance is right up my alley, it makes me feel really good about owning my home. Makes me feel very useful, and productive. So this weekend I expect to get BIZZAY! and really get a large dent done in my work around the house.

Since that wall thing is working out to our advantage maybe we’ll get upstairs sooner than we thought.

I need to do some before and after pictures soon. Before its all after.

A weekend close to full…

2006-08-28T12:36:00.000-05:00

Friday, we were running late, that being the case, I got a day off rather than take a attendance hit at the job. Hated to do it, but it happens. So I spent the morning at Barnes and Nobel drooling over cookbooks and making notes for my bakery menu. There was a story time that made my heart ache that I didn’t have Cammy with me. I got up three different times to go and get her, but

I never would have made it back before the story time was over,

I never take time just for me, so I did.

You would not believe the guilt you can feel just by not having you kid available for a story time you didn’t know about.
Any who I got Jerry from work early and we went to Home Depot with Spoken, who also got her couch today at her new apartment, and picked the paint for Cammy’s new room upstairs, looked at cabinets and hardwood floors. You know the best part of this whole home project, I think, it’s working with Jerry. The best part of my day was spending that few hours with him, being a silly married couple.
Then we went to the check out a bakery supply store I have heard good things about, they gave me a recipe for edible fondant, and I bought some pastry tips and icing colorings. We went to a few home stores, and had a pretty nice day before we went to pick up Cammy. Then we went to the science center. And Oh. My. God. It was so good to watch Jerry turn into a kid with Cammy, they just ran and ran and ran all over the place. She has a complete ball and so did he.

Pictures forth coming.

My Saturday was involved. J’s cousin who hangs out a lot, was with out A/C so she hung with us. Although she probably would have been there if her air was working. I like having a girl friend, and Jerry like having some family of his own so it works out.
Anywho we went to visit my dad, and yank his miter saw, a crow bar, some saw horses, a sander, and a stud finder. That’s right baby I’m about to go Bob Vila on your arses!!
He also gave me his target card to go get Cammy some new stuff, which I did happily. We got the letters we had been trying to get our hands on, as well as the music instruments and two Ryan’s room toys (thanks Chelle for the heads up) the little people preschool play set, it was like Christmas in August. My dad is the total coolest. WE stopped by barnes and Nobel and this time Cammy was there we played with Thomas the tank engine, for a while, she is really into those, I am currently hunting up some used ones. Gonna start making my rounds at garage sales and see what I can make happen. Then we went home and got to work – on dinner.
Jerry and I decided that this was experiment Saturday and we made Won tons, and won ton soup. Man it was SO GOOD. This was mostly my husband as I played the role of sus chef and helped him chop, slice and dice.
Played Uno, with my zany friends again until the wee hours of the morning. Sunday morning we made a fruitless attempt to pick up the stove then had a little lunch and I baked some cupcakes. Not bad – not great but not bad. I gotta practice. I also got going on the painting in Cammy’s new room upstairs. I got the pink on the wall with no problems, washed the base boards, putty’d the holes from nails , patched the giant holes from the door knobs and took a look at all the things I’m sure we are gonna have to work on. While I was painting, Jerry decided he was gonna swing that sledge hammer I picked up a few weeks back, and decided to see what was behind that wall. And what mind you was back there?

Brick.

Just plain old, naked brick. Not a frame, not a insulated anything, just a lot of bricks. Somebody slapped some mortar on it and then some plaster over that. So now I’m thinking, we should leave the brick exposed, cause I like exposed brick, always wanted to have some in my bed room, and now I have the opportunity, ironically at a cost of WAY LESS THAN EVERY BODY WAS TRYING TO CHARGE US. Shoot, lets break down the cost.
Sledgehammer – 30.00 - I got the one with the fiber glass handle.
Indoor Satin polyurethane –  at most 39.00 per gallon may need three to five gallons
Paint gun rental 75.00
Paint for walls – 100.00
Total = 322.00 best case 400.00 worst case.

Vs. minimum quote per contractor – 600.00 plus supplies
And maximum quote – 5000.00 total job cost including labor. I almost laughed when they gave me that one.

Yeah, I’m lovin exposed brick.
Yeah it’s a little crumbly, and it needs some work, but I think it has character.

Anywho, I may most again later… maybe not.

because two posts in one day isn't ever enough

2006-08-24T14:27:00.000-05:00

I’ve found a new blog source for me as a mommy, simply called mommyblogger.com and it seems to be filled with like minded mommies, i.e. mommies who are trying to be supportive and available to other moms out there. Mommies like me who just want to know somebody else is there and that somebody gets it. That the people who watch and enjoy Paris Hilton are not the majority, thus proving it was not a major mistake bring children into this world.
That nifty little site has taken me to visit with CityMama who had this totally nifty post reprinted there. She totally rocks.

Seriously

So, take a minute to visit with her and check her out. I thought I’d share.

Also to anyone who’d like to know, should you desire NOT to reproduce – and you’ve come to this decision the morning after you can now buy the morning after pill over the counter. Nifty. Lo and behold something that would be your god given right if men gave birth is now available to women.
Anywho, I was supposed to be on vacation next week but I have moved it to the week of Labor Day, and per my previous post, I have the opportunity to purchase a commercial stove which my mother wants me to use to start some sort of baking business, I’m kind of interested in starting a specialty bakery. I’m thinking I need some practice but hopefully I can get into that one day. So I’m thinking the basement might be a decent space to practice in. put up some dry wall, level the floor, run some lights and presto – maybe in home business or at the very least a practice kitchen.

Vacation, ah yes, the supposed down time that turns out to be anything but. But oh to choose the things that wear you out! That is the fun of it! I am very much looking forward to the time off from work. I’m planning on taking Cammy to the Local museum of Transport, the butterfly house, the magic house, Purina farms and the city museum, as well as our weekly trip to the science center. One special trip a day should be great, and still give me the time to paint the rooms and hopefully remove the paint from the wood surfaces I want to re-stain. I’ve just set up rental of a Speedheater Infrared (IR) Paint Remover so I can get my upstairs ready for move in. I am so excited about getting to work up there. I expect that my evenings will be full of home depot and paint fumes. OH the JOY!! I am going to have to cancel my weekend trip to Branson next week, although the rest of my family was very foo foo about going, I was kinda excited. I like Branson with all of its country redneck charm.

But alas I am off to pick paint colors and try to rustle up the know how to knock out a wall. Wish me luck.

Love thursday

2006-08-24T14:01:00.000-05:00

imgp6294
Originally uploaded by raquita.

Its love thursday per Chookooloonks check her out at every thursday she posts a picture that embodies the love shes feeling. While you guys don't want to see the love I'm feelin for the hubby today - hehehe - Me and Cammy's love is easily presentable. check out her flickr gorup too if you are feelin it.

Overheard in St. Louis

2006-08-24T09:35:00.000-05:00

Wife: Mom says she may be able to get the lady to take less for the oven, maybe even a hundred bucks
Husband: Really?
Wife: yeah, so if it’s a hundred bucks can I have it?
Husband: wait Sixteen hundred?!?!
Wife: no a hundred (which admittedly sounded pretty ghetto like a hunned)
Husband: six hundred – wait a sec…
Wife: (real slow) if. it. is. a. hundred. dollars.
Husband: gotta talk to me real slow huh?
Wife: Apparently
Husband: I love you Jennay
Wife: I love you to Forrest.

Overheard by me this morning on the phone with J, Okay technically you can over hear if you are involved with the call but gheesh.

because I was born in 77 and I needed a reminder of the decade

2006-08-23T12:20:00.000-05:00

Good Decorating - Attic Hideaway
Originally uploaded by MikeLove.

okay so if you click this photo and go to flickr you will see some of hte wonder that was seventies home decorating. this make me look at the pottery barn kids catelog I'm addicted to with a whole new light, I wonder what Cammy will think of the ideas I had for her room when she's thirty.

scary.

after yo ulook you have to come back and tell me what you thought... cause I gotta know.

Cammy Scrapbook journaling #1

2006-08-22T11:03:00.000-05:00

imgp7075
Originally uploaded by raquita.

i have decided since I don't update her scrapbooks as much as I should I should be writing what I would be journaling, so I can have it later, instead of trying to remember. Today she is be 2 years 2 months a four days old...

Cammy,
I wish was more diligent about keeping up with your scrapbooks, and all the other things I had planned to do – so you would always know how much I love you, and how much I enjoy our everyday.
You have become such a little lady. Despite everything I am and do, you are exactly who you are. You do and say some many new things every day, from the comical, “Awwww MAN!!!” when things don’t go your way. To the newly found, “Mommy it hurts…” which while useful does attempt to stop my heart on occasion.
You still love to cuddle with me, we sit lately to talk in bed on Saturday mornings, and now a days you’ll let me read a whole book to you. Especially if its one with the push buttons that make noise. We love to read Corduroy, and other classics. You are so smart you pick out all the items on the pages. We are watching less T.V and playing more tea party. And hopefully if the summer heat has truly passed us by we’ll start those bike rides again.
You still won’t say “May I please have…” you sentences are coming along but requests are pretty much – OBJECT – point for reinforcement and maybe if I’m lucky a please. You and the dog are getting better about each others space, he’s dodging you and you are glad of it.
You are very polite to strangers and people who don’t live in our house. Most people think we have raised you to be such a stand up little girl. I don’t take much credit for it, you are genuinely a nice little girl. You are still very possessive of mommy, and sometimes daddy too. I still can’t leave with out a hissy fit being thrown. Although you did let me out of the car when I went to the grocery store last night, I’ll take what ever progress I can get. Last week you got to hang out with Amber’s nephew Josiah. He was the perfect gentleman and you directed him around as if you were your mothers daughter, imagine my pride! Boys are still totally smitten with you, and your father is actively researching shotguns, gun laws and loopholes. I’ll try to help you but mostly I think you maybe on your own.
You are a very clean kid, you like to sweep, and wipe tables off. Sometime I think you spill just so we can clean it up. You are saying your prayers with us, every night and kneeling with folded hands. You and almost say grace by your self, which is cuter than a mug, and you like to sing along with Lilo and Stitch, and quote the movie verbatim, a lot. All in all we are so happy you are our kid, you make us want another – but only if they will be as great as you!

2006-08-21T10:53:00.000-05:00

Rap Cat

Cause my husband can't be the only one with stupid stuff on his blog.

all hump days should be so good

2006-08-17T13:23:00.000-05:00

imgp7056
Originally uploaded by raquita.

yesterday, amisdt my stress I took the day off, and took my kid to the Science Center.
While in one breath it was the best time i had spent all week, it made me realise how much stuff Cammy needs that we haven't gotten to. She needs more learning stuff, and things to make her day more enjoyable. more things that make her think and I am gonna do my very best to get it together.
We also pledge to go to the science center once a week (they are open late of fridays) so she has the chance to have some away from home time. i know how much I need alawy from home time, and I work away from home eight hours a day, Cammy doesn't get that luxury of leaving nad coming back so until school starts for her, we are gonna work harder at gettign her and us out of the house more often.

need to pick up those gel seats for the bikes so my butt doesn't hurt for a week after the ride.

When the Flava of Love is bitter

2006-08-15T12:35:00.000-05:00

A few points I’d like to make

I am not afraid of sex. The human body is beautiful and I enjoy its celebration.

I found my life mate on the internet.

I applied for several (3) seasons of the Real World cause I thought Heather B (season 1) was so on point. I stopped after Puck – it was too far gone, and had turned into a frat party.

Its not like I don’t have my guilty TV moments. I watch foodtv and HGTV daily, okay I TIVO them daily.  My kid watches cartoons in the morning. I watch enough reality medicine TV that my husband thought I was crazy when I was pregnant, but not enough to think I knew what is going on (outside of a very basic understanding, and the comforting feeling that I wasn’t being talked over, but rather to) while I was in labor.

I don’t harp much on race, or politics here. Being a black woman is very essential to who I am as a person, but it is not the end all be all of my existence or individuality. Most of my posting here is about being a mom and that is something that transcends race and is truly about love.

I am learning how to be the best mom I can. Cammy does watch too much TV, we need to spend more time on learning, and ABC’s and shapes and numbers. (Daddy I plan I picking up some things to help with that this weekend.)

Why have I felt it necessary to make these points. A blog I read made mention of the new season of Flava of Love. And as a woman, let alone a black woman, a person who believes in marriage, and least of all a Christian I just really feel like this has just been pushed too far.

If you have not seen the show, count that as a blessing. Flava Flav, former hype man for Public Enemy, yes that’s right Public Enemy, has decided to take his comeback via Reality TV. I personally have issue with most reality shows that belittle marriage and commitment. The Bachelor and Bachelorette, and Bridezilla to name the top three. In the same breath that Americans talk about the sanctity of marriage as their basis for denying gay marriage or civil unions, 12 to 20 million people watch Trish and Ryan spend more money than either have made ever in their life on a circus wedding. Or watch this years Bachelor, whether he be a second string NFL quarterback or a B list actor riding his brothers coat tails gloat as perfectly normal women morph into strange creatures normally only present on this kind of show. Then break up citing “insert fluff reason here” with in six months of the finale. These girls do things and allow themselves to stoop to levels on national TV I am sure their parents never even considered. So what do I do? I don’t watch it. I probably should have put all of that in my previously mention points. I digress.
Then comes Flava Flav. With his Ghetto-fied version of The Bachelor, Selecting females, because most of these girls are not yet women, I can’t make myself call them women, who glorify and embody every negative stereotype in their respective races. Then they are made to chase after every woman’s fantasy – that’s right Flava Flav.

Because there are no quarterbacks or actors who are looking for a quality black or ethnic woman, at least none that VH1 could find, right?

And I’m supposed to teach my daughter the exact opposite of every lesson she sees, every movie that depicts black women negatively, every brats doll, every Barbie, every music video, every rap lyric. Every teen mother, every drug victim. I am supposed to be more powerful than Hollywood, the billion dollar porn industry, the billion dollar music industry, than peer pressure, than cool stuff. It is my job to prove to her that she is better than Hoops, or New York, or what ever stupid arsed name they tagged you with cause the one your momma chose for you makes you too human. Makes you more than thighs in four inch heels. More than ass, more than the chick who defecated on national TV.
I’m supposed to tell her people see you for who you are when the majority of persons in CEO and president and vice president positions are white males, who while they probably don’t watch Flava of Love, read the same news snippets and think that is a fair assessment of ethnic women. Or the mom who sees a segment while trying to figure out how to get her teen to pull his pants up, or why he lets them hang down. It will color people perceptions long after the novelty fades away.
Why we glorify stupidity and call it individuality. There is nothing individual about low self-esteem. Nothing individual about bytches and hoes being common rap vernacular. You are talking about me, whether I am a bytch or not. Its me on TV whether its my face or not. Its my daughter, and that makes me want to cry.

I’m ranting. I’m going to stop.

I wish I could remember how my parents did it. I wish I knew what they differently in me than in my sister than in my brother. I wish I knew what buttons to press to make her a leader and not a follower.

When I was pregnant, I really wanted a son, for all of the above fights I don’t know how to fight. I wanted to believe that raising a strong black man, with pride, socially responsible, who respects women and people in general and has values, manners and morals. Its not. Its no easier giving a boy the tools to build a man, than it is to give the tools to a girl that make a woman.

I’m finished.

I’m tired

All I really want is a few sushi rolls and a pepsi. Oh yeah and for my daughter to be everything she can be.

Welcome to Monday 2.0

2006-08-14T10:28:00.000-05:00

The weekend was full, yet, kinda slow.

Did the granddaughter thing and helped my grandmother move, actually, my husband was SUPER IN-LAW, and my grandmother, aunt and mom have all called to mention how great he is, and how thankful they are that he is there for them.

Hehehe, yeah baby, my man is the BOMB! Act like you didn’t know!

Speaking of my man being the bomb, Friday I found what I hope to be a financial planner to help Jerry and I find our way out of our current financial funk and figure out the best path to get where we are trying to go. I was identifying with a fellow blogger so much that I got motivated and made the calls to phone interview a few financial planners, and the one I really like seemed to really get where I was coming from. So we’ve received her packet and been working on it pretty steady and hopefully will have it completed by the weekend. So we can get this ball rolling, get to where we wanna be, but in the mean time, SUPER HUBBY has effectively put a plug in my hemorrhaging of cash. Cause really, I can twenty dollar myself to death. I pouted about it and he held fast, which is very impressive. Cause I can do a mean pout. But he’s right it really is the little things that do us in.

You know some days I watch my husband and I wonder where he came from. He amazes me. How I got so lucky, blessed, why God would smile on me like that, proves to me with out a doubt that God exists. Not that I don’t believe that I “deserve” him, but how often in life do you actually get what you deserve? I’m waxing a bit nostalgic because we, being Jerry and I, watch so many people we care about struggle through dating and trying to find someone. And I remember being there. The bad dates, the rational used to justify bad relationships, the paper thin reasons not to leave months if not years before you should have. But as they say about hindsight….

Anyway. I’m trying to get up the effort to actually start painting the upstairs and working on stripping the wood work so it can be re-stained. All that white paint is starting to wear on my nerves.

shaking head, eyes closed

2006-08-11T14:37:00.000-05:00

Hey remember what I said about nothing happening and all that good jazz? Remember? Couldn’t have been more than 48 hours ago, seriously.

Remind me to shut the F#$* up next time and just enjoy, cause that whole nothing is happening thing didn’t even last through the weekend.

I’m gonna go drink some iced tea now and wish it was long island. Its not, but I wish it were.

p.s it is Downtown Restaurant Week if you got the time and the funds check it out…

Poetry junkie

2006-08-11T00:11:00.000-05:00

the poets who come here know, I am a poetry Junkie, and this time of year is like going through Drug withdrawls with out rehab for me.
i have been a performace poet since 1999, I write poems mostly for the writing, but I perform them for my whole being. I haven't performed in a long time, and my being is screaming. I hear it but there is nothing I can do to get that scream out just yet.
moming has taken up so much of me, and I have been glad to give it, but during NPS every year, I remember who I was before I gave birth, and I miss her.
it is National Poery Slam (NPS) this week, a time where poets get together adn express to each other, cause lets face it a ton of people don't go to peotry slams, mostly poets and people who want to be poets, and people who are poets and don't know it yet and with all of my heart I wish I could be there. But life says i can't. Next year though, next year. So I spend a lot of my time scouring the internet for photos and podcasts, and video clips and anything I can get my hands on, anything at all. And the poem I most identify wiht that I have found so far, I am posting.

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Beleive me, my whole soul is aching to watch these in person. But video will do okay, it will get me by for another year.

Thursday the new Monday

2006-08-10T17:48:00.000-05:00

You ever have nothing happen, and you were quite okay with that?

That’s the kind of day today has been. Rather blah, but it has given me the opportunity to think about some things I need to focus on, like school for Cammy.

I have noticed a lot in this wonderful, wonderful world of blogging that I have found. People STILL have a zillion opinions, and it amazes me how easily people draw lines in the sand and are ready to fight to the death over, what amounts to… an opinion. Why is it so difficult for adults for that matter, to simply agree to disagree, respect the choices of our fellow human and have a nice day?

Stay at home/work from home moms and dads vs. work away from home moms and dads

Home schooling families vs. Private school families vs. public school families

It just seems so silly. Me personally, I wish I could do it all. I wish I could get the best of a homeschool world and private schooling all rolled into one. I wish I could work part time away from home and stay home two or three days a week. I wish the right choices were easy to find and implement.

So in an attempt to have my cake and eat it too, I’m hoping I can get my hands on some home schooling books and some curriculum that I can use with Cammy to supplement what we learn from the private school we have chosen. I am hoping to find the reading material that will help me learn to be a better parent, and become more involved with teaching Cammy on a every day level. The funny thing is as many black parents talk about wanting to do better by their children, however, in my experience, which is honestly more limited than I really want it to be, so few really choose the time commitment that is necessary to truly make a difference in the product you receive i.e. the adult your child grows up to be.

And that has been honestly the most eye opening thing for me as a African American to understand and digest as a parent. Granted children don’t come with a manual, but man if they don’t have a zillion at Borders and Barnes and Nobel. And if I don’t have any idea what I’m doing, I have to seek out and research better parenting techniques and apply them. Better learning opportunities, better exposure to the world.

My mom taught me that when I was a kid, and I think it was possibly the most valuable thing she could have ever taught me. My mom always wanted us to believe we could get the results we wanted we just had to figure out how. And then execute. Honestly if people put all the energy they pour into their hustle into their goal, what ever it is, cause that’s what it is, hustle, you can figure out anything you want. I will never believe the whole I simply don’t have time theory, great children and adults don’t just happen. You have to pour energy and time and focus into parenting, or you are just hoping it all works out for the best. Hoping the things that influence your child when you can’t won’t be that bad.

I have been blessed. As a Christian, I married a good man, I believe I have a good foundation in which to offer my child a faith based existence designed to help her end up in heaven. On that path, I think she will learn how to fulfill the things she needs, understand her wants and desires, and learn how to balance them. She will teach me as many things as I teach her.

p.s big ups to those competeing and tearing it up at nationals, (especailly Neo Soul!!!)I'm with you in spirit. NPS (National poetry slam) is truly something to be hold treasure it guys really.

15 things I strongly dislike.

2006-08-08T17:02:00.000-05:00

I am doing this because I was tagged even if I didn’t remember until like wayyyyy later (Sorry Jae)

Here we go
1. air conditioning. I hate the way it makes me feel like I’m being cooled from the inside however..
2. I hate being hot, like Hebrew slave hot. I love summer and I don’t mind sweating but I’d like to earn my sweat – standing out side is not earning my sweat.
3. feeling useless, I am a fix it, I was born to be a mommy, I hate not nurturing, even if I don’t like you I nurture. Sue me
4. lose hairs, they make me feel like bugs are crawling on me, and I’m not afraid of bugs I just hate bug bites, and that crawly feeling when they crawl on you sucks too.
5. Telling Cammy no
6. being side seat parented like I’m six and not a grown arsed woman.
7. TV haters. Granted most TV is stupid, I happen to like my fair share of TV, including food network, the DIY channel, Entourage, Grey’s Anatomy, and extreme makeover; home edition.
8. political junkies, who want to look down on me cause I’m not hyper political. Listen I got kid stuff and home stuff and dog stuff – I don’t have time to memorize your favorite candidates pro and con list so we can debate on my porch.
9. wanting stuff. I am a stuff person. I like stuff, and there is always something else I want or think I need, and I’m trying to get better but that is my biggest annoyance with my self. (Jerry I’m not saying this so you can take it upon yourself to help me- I’m not asking for your help with this… at all… seriously.)
10. my work ethic, unless its something I really believe in – I’m not really up for working. I don’t really like it. I’ve learned and am learning to take pride in my everyday job, but its taking some work.
11. Libraries – as much as I love them I don’t cause I always get late fees but other than late fees they rock.
12. CD’s – cause they scratch
13. Dreams I can’t reach
14. business hours, especially bankers hours, every business open to the public should be open to at least eight o’clock. Cause most people work 9 to 5, so you shouldn’t close at five cause I can NEVER GET THERE.
15. Thinking up people to tag cause I always think I’m gonna hurt somebody’s feeling cause I didn’t put them on the list to be tagged.

Tagging the hubby- cause that’s safe.

Dog nuts and other psychiatric moments

2006-08-08T14:58:00.000-05:00

So I forgot to mention – our dog was in doggy jail over the weekend. I’m telling you it was a long weekend. He got loose and picked up by the humane society. After the whole Cammy doctor, hospital trip thingy, it was just one more notch on my mommy belt. So I had to hunt him down, I was so scared someone just snatched him but thankfully that wasn’t the case. But they didn’t want to give him back until he was neutered.

Um, how about no.

Anubis was purchased as a entry into dog shows for me and possible studding, if we get it together and go back to class and such, then maybe people will pay us for his sexiness. However I’m not into puppy milling, and random mutt breeding so if we don’t show him and he doesn’t do well then we probably won’t breed him. We’ve already turned down offers to breed him with other mastiffs, that isn’t in the best interest of my breed so, I have declined.  I have to keep reminding my self cause the grand I was offered would be so convenient. But that’s not the right reason to breed. Any who we had to prove our intent to show Nuby, and initially they would only accept a breeders license, but we have no immediate plans to breed the big boy yet, he’s still a baby.  However after two days of massive calling and hustle, I mean I called my local government bodies, the alderman, city help lines, animal control, everybody I could think of, they let him go, with a bit of ease mind you – AFTER my husband called and made the trip up to the humane society.

Listen for the crickets

Jerry says I can be a bit tenacious, and that helped, I guess, I don’t know if I believe him after the weekend we had. However all was not in vain, we got our boy back intact last night. He was SO excited to see us, and we him. He’s a great, great dog. And I have resolved to spend more time with him. He needs us and we need him. Cammy was so happy her puppy was back, but she was also afraid he was gonna bump her. We gotta figure out a way to train him to be aware of his heavy arsed body. Once he launched her a clean two feet across a room into a wicker basket. We try to minimize the run ins.  He lugs around and bumps into everything, which is another reason I worry about having him in the house, but we’ll figure it out. He needs a shed-x first though, cause for a short haired dog he leaves a lot of hair around.

We took Jerry’s mom to the doctor to be admitted into the hospital last night, again I told you we just keep going and going and going, she wasn’t eating still and wouldn’t keep the food we tried to give her down, so we made the executive decision and spent a large part of our night in the ER. Getting home around three am to our happily free dog, and Spoken who came by from her apartment around the corner to let the dog in. That’s right Spoken got her apartment and we helped her move over the weekend. Yes it was that kind of weekend.
You have no idea how cool it is to miss your friends. She actually hasn’t been gone long enough to miss her however I’m really looking forward to the possibility, and things seem easier all around the house.

Any who – I’m about to hop on over to the this old house site, and see if I can figure out how hard its gonna be to replace all the molding in the house.  I’m thinking I hate painted wood. So I’m gonna try and resolve that.

Its monday again, now what?

2006-08-07T12:01:00.000-05:00

There are few things that make you question your parenting skills than when you child is hurt, or ill. Nothing tests your resolve to stand behind your decisions, or makes you question every thing you have done up until that point.
Cam had a serious break out of hives on Wed night. From head to toe with a 103.3 fever, red welts proceeded to make our night and the next few following the most difficult possible. Not to mention she figured out how to say “it hurts mommy.” Which is heart wrenching in its self.
When your baby is waiting for you to make it better, the doctor offices dufus’ “I don’t know what to tell you,” kind of makes you want to jump through the phone and choke the nurses assistant who’s nonchalant – “you must be one of those over protective moms whose kid lives in a bubble” tone was irking your very last nerve. “Can she breathe?” is not the kind of symptom I would be calling about, I would have her in a hospital if she couldn’t breathe genius. And it amazes me that her eyes are swollen shut, and her mouth is swollen, she hasn’t had anything at all new to eat or drink in weeks isn’t enough to warrant a emergency office visit, that is until the fever hasn’t broken in three days. Then they say hey – bring her on in! After her FATHER calls to use the bass in his voice to voice our discomfort with this scenario. Our doctor is great but some days her staff makes me what to shake them, I wonder if they actually have kids. Or remember what it was like when they had their first one. Predictably the fever dropped to 99.3 on the day we actually got the doctor to see us. So they are looking at me like – your so cute to overreact that way. Dude, so not cute. SO.NOT.CUTE.
And why is it when the dad calls with concerns people always take it way more serious than when mom calls?
In addition to our sick kid horror story, we went to a wedding for a friend we never see very often, Jerry said we should make an attempt to catch up to some of the people I was very good friends with before I found my way into his world. Sometimes I think we should and sometimes I don’t.
I take full responsibility for the lack of communication I’ve had with some of these people. Phones ring both ways, but a lot of times after spending an evening with someone you understand why you aren’t close anymore. People I detested, I know now, I disliked as a defense aid. The things we beefed on(disagreed on*) seem totally irrelevant, and I remember why I was friends with them in the beginning. But the bride was beautiful, and they both seemed so happy to be marrying the other, and that is a great thing to watch.
In addition to all of that, Jerry’s mom, is getting worse in her sickness. And we are going to have to take a much more active role in her daily life. How? we have no idea. But we’ll figure it out. In the mean time, I’m planning on working on our house hard core in the next sixty days. But I think I need a carpenter tutor. Someone who I can pay to do some work, and pay to show me how to do some things. I really want to be very involved with renovating our house. Anybody know anybody who is a contractor or a carpenter? Referrals are welcome and appreciated.

Anywho – been off and need to fill out the FMLA paperwork, and catch up on work.

* a few people have noted that they don’t get some of my alternate phrases, so anything I think may throw you for a hook, I’ll add a little definition for ya!

Overheard in St. Louis

2006-08-02T08:40:00.000-05:00

Subtitle: I can’t believe I’m related to you somedays.

Brother : “Man, Diapers is TWELVE BUCKS a pack?”
Sister: “Yeah it ain’t cheap to have kids man…”
Brother: “You know what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna invent diapers you wash and reuse”
Sister: “they already exist, they are called cloth diapers, we have some.”
Brother looks at sister stunned in silence for a second
Sister: “seriously. Some of them even look like disposables with Velcro and everything.”
Brother, unbelievingly: ”Get out.”

Heard by me while talking to my brother.

Berry good things and not so berry good

2006-08-01T14:06:00.000-05:00

imgp6920
Originally uploaded by raquita.

It has been a full weekend, again. Kept it kind of close to home, miss a few things we wanted to do, but mostly just relaxed and had fun. Friday night, after we put Cammy to bed we had a small game night, and played Uno and Phase 10 and drank shots of tequila. It was certainly a good time had by all. Bed time. 4:30 am, thankfully our kid is a late sleeper on the weekends, we got up and went black berry picking at eleven however. We found berries bigger than I had ever seen.

It has been asked why I take Cammy picking so often, and not only is it a fun activity for a small child, it instills the idea that fruit and food in general comes from someplace other than the grocery store, and that there are real people who live and work to make all the things we enjoy, including fruit, available. Nothing in life just is, there is a process behind everything. Besides, did I mention that it is fun?
We had a chance to kind of chill out Saturday afternoon. Then we went to the mall and I picked up some supplies to work on my wedding scrapbook. Funny thing is I still need to go back and work on a few more things, you know ran out of this cool printed vellum, and should have bought more of a nifty pattern I was using. I guess I forgot that I am scrapping thirty pages and not, my normal two to four for an event. I did get a chance to paper scrap (SWEET) and my kid is so into my bent safety scissors, mainly because they were the only “lets cut something” thing she could play with.
It amazes me how into the things we are into she gets. Her dad role plays on Sundays, and she loves to get up there a toss the dice with him. I love to cook, and she loves to mix her little side dish while I’m cooking next to her. She prefers reading with her Daddy, which I really like. I like seeing them have something that is totally outside of me. She likes to do my hair to keep me from doing hers. She wants mommy to get her a bath, daddy to walk with, she likes the shoulder rides better from daddy.

We stayed up entirely too late again on Saturday, and over slept for church by about an hour. I made a blackberry cobbler from the berries we picked on Saturday and we rented movies and vegged out for most of the remainder of the evening. Cammy and I got to play little people a lot over the weekend. And its cool to watch her play make believe and pretend, and it has become apparent we need o get some kids over here to play with her, or have a play date or something. I think I’m gonna work on that today, for Sunday afternoon, or maybe Saturday.

Sunday night as I may have previously mentioned, Jerry role plays. It is his total weird geek moment, and if he had told me all about the role playing on our first date I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be at this stage right now. So he’s smarter than the average bear. But he still role plays. For those who don’t know role playing (RPG’ing) is is a type of game in which the participants assume the roles of characters and collaboratively create stories. Participants determine the actions of their characters based on their characterization, and the actions succeed or fail according to a formal system of rules and guidelines. Within the rules, they may improvise freely; their choices shape the direction and outcome of the games.A role-playing game rarely has winners or losers – well that is relative (I am quick with the jokes today people!!!)

And thank you Wikipedia for the definition cause in scarcastic wife speak its “when grown ass men get together and play make believe”.

But honestly if hanging out with his friends around a dining room table playing withhis friends is my biggest headache then I am totally happy to voulenteer our dining room table any time he wants to host. Any who the group of people who come for this Sunday night ritual range in ages eighteen to roughly thirty or so. One of the younger guys brings his girlfriend every once in a while. And this week she was complaining about her mother arguing with her. And I listened from the background, and was waiting for her to get to her mothers grand transgression and funny how it never. actually. came. And then I knew, I am offically a mom. I have been transformed from general daughter, female, to a mother. Cause I was totally like, dude your mom is right.

WTF!!!!!

You guys don’t understand what this means! I am probably middle aged too. I probably am not nearly as cool as I think I am, and Cammy will (GASP!) probably be embarrassed by me once she hits her teen years. I so wanted to be the cool mom who had her healthy well adjusted childrens respect and admiration. I wanted to be the house the kids friends liked hanging out at and respected and the mom they wished for. So much for the wishes and dreams of young mothers.

Reality totaly bites.

I totally expected there to be granny panties replacing my thongs, and day dresses with clip art and die cut felt as decoration in my closet when I went to bed. I mean how dare I side with a mom who wants her child to respect their home, and for petes sake, pick up your clothes before you head out for the day.

It was hilarious how this teenager went on about how she had so many things on her plate, like worrying about the school she’d just been kicked out of, not actually doing something about it but worrying about it she said, and things, that really, I’m not saying this cause I just finished with the youth hostel myself but can be contimplated while FOLDING YOUR LAUNDRY. I did not mention this irony. I simply sugguested that perhaps to make her life easier she should attempt to cut the bytching off at the pass and do what her mom was asking, cause then she didn’t have to deal with the stress and wouldn’t that make everybody happier? She admitted that plan had some potential. And I was left to wander in this new valley of grown-up-ness all alone.

It is very important to me that my mom not read this entry. I’m sure I’ll get the smug mom thingy she does when I say ANYTHING that could be construde as me turning into her. My mom is middle aged, not me, for peets sake not me!!! you can find me whimpering in a corner later I'm sure.

Man I need a drink or something. Maybe I so should start watching BET again or something, wait, I’m trying to be hip, not kill brain cells… I guess I’ll come up with something.

2006-07-31T23:07:00.000-05:00

In honor of French Toast girl...

Check her out at http://www.frenchtoastgirl.com/weblog/blogger.shtml

she totally rocks for this one right here.

Random Remembering

2006-07-28T16:05:00.000-05:00

Lately it has been easy.
Poems have come, often too many words for my actual poem. They end up statements and not nearly the lyrical moments I want them to be.  I have always loved poetry. But much to my dismay, extreme emotion has been necessary for me to produce what I consider good poetry. Either I loved so hard, or have fallen so far. My actions, never really dramatic, could never keep up with the emotions I worked to keep in check.
But this really has very little to do with my opening line.
I’m feeling a bit sporadic so please bear with me, there is a point to this.
Last night when I got home from work, Camster was sleepin, and I thought I’d grab a nap with her, I don’t even remember much about what happened between getting off work, taking my brother some sushi (I’ll post on that later) and forgetting to ask my mom if she – or rather what rolls she wanted from the sushi place, and getting home, chit chatting with my grandmother and laying down to rest.
My husband at some point, broke through to the next level, and fixed the sink. I remember him trying to tell me the details, but I wasn’t really conscious. I remember him saying he was leaving then not, I know I took phone calls but I don’t remember who I talked to except for Jerry’s cousin, who gave me the great news about ‘So You Think You Can Dance’. He left me to go to home depot, and Cammy being the blessing she is – was very gentle with me in my “please just don’t destroy the house” state.
Then I woke up, spent some awake time with my girl,  actually watched my tivo’d reality TV fix and see what happened after she told me my good news. Put Cam to bed, read ‘Metro Cat’ and played with more little people. Made a mental note to pick up some additional toys for her. Then I spent the most important time I spent all day.
I told my husband the truth, that I was proud of his success with the kitchen sink. Then I rubbed his foot, and gave him a back rub, a back scratch then scratched his head until he fell asleep sprawled across our bed. Then I fell asleep with my legs across his back, crossing the t for the night.
Some days I worry that I am not passionate enough. That our every day is too mundane to keep him waking up next to me for the next fifty or so years. I worry that I miss the mark in loving them both. That I will make bad decisions for us as a family. That we will not survive.  That she will hate her mom, and want to be the exact opposite of who I am. That he will wake up and say what am I doing here? That when she needs I will not be the person she comes to.
And then I remember. I remember how he smiles at me and reaches for me in his sleep. How she calls for me and touches my face when we say bedtime prayers. How happy she is when I come home, and how sad she is when I leave and she cannot come. How we write e-mails and call all day even though we drive to and from work together and live on top of each other in our, less than large apartment. I remember that we already did the really hard part, he already chose me and I him. We know already, we just gotta make today everything we can.

And that is what has been easy.

My love for them is always at that extreme level, but when you live with it everyday, sometimes you forget. Forget that you would die for them, forget that his touch does spark everything. Forget that his good morning kiss makes your whole day better. Forget that its always the little things that keep memories from fading. Forget the poems you scribble and do not finish, the scrap pages you start but don’t get to complete, and remember they belong to you, and you belong to them.

In the dayglow - a poem

2006-07-27T13:44:00.000-05:00

I can feel the question watching me
Pressing in our silence
Weighing on his brow
Caressing through his fingertips
I believe the answer hugs our legs
Has his eyes
Lies across the hall
And I am trying not to wake her in my answering
I want our roles expressed
Strength pressed
Into softness
Rough hands expand across belly
Teeth nip hips turn friction to jelly
slick thick
Wrists gripped
Syrup mixed
Every kiss
A letter I use to write my response
So let me make it longer
Use more syllables
Let me paraphrase, and say it again
Firmly into your hips
Speak it into the back of your knee caps
Draw maps from thighs to back
So my hands know where to roam
Tongue pressed into your chest
Until my words fall from your lips
In tongues and simple and tribal
As these acts
Chants repeated in our heart beat
Well after death separates us
And then you will never doubt my answer
Yes, I love you
And this is exactly where I want to be

I don't beleive this, but man I want to...

2006-07-25T16:00:00.000-05:00

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q:Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A : Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had aboutfood and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

Popsicle dance

2006-07-25T08:26:00.000-05:00

imgp6849_edited
Originally uploaded by raquita.

This is my favorite popsicle dance picture mentioned in the post below, Shre really is just too much for me. Last night she watched Narnia with us, I have never seen her so into a story, she was sooo excited when the giant Lion came on the screen, and she was so hurt when they tied him up I hadn't seen it before right then so I didn't know it was coming, (i fogort about the Christ parallells) So we went ahead and fast forward the scene, I'll just bet she had a great dream about walking with the big "lion king" when she went to sleep.

because happiness is something you have to hold on to and never let go

2006-07-24T14:20:00.000-05:00

This blog is supposed to as much about my joy of motherhood as it is about me as a woman, and a daughter and a wife ect. And I’ve spent a lot of time whining about things I really have no cause to whine about. Honestly, I am too, too blessed. My husband and I have more going for us than many young people our age, God continues to take care of us and shows me so many way all the things that I have to be greatful for.

So I would like to start this post with a subtitle
My Favorite Cammy moment:
Cammy in all her language development is learning tons and tons of words. I hinder that development daily, I’m sure my mother will have comment to post on my ability to destroy my child with a single plastic pacifier. (I’ll have to update you all on the Binky Wars on a later date, I’m trying to be in a good mood here) but she has moments of pure toddler comic genius, alas one day a few weeks ago she was looking for some candy and we told her simply, it was too early for candy, she would have to wait until after lunch. We were greeted with a hearty, “Aww MANN!!!!” before she turn and walked pouting to pick a DVD for viewing. She scrunches up her forehead and kicks that bottom lip out and lets that bad boy rip when ever she doesn’t get her way, and its is totally HIL-arious. Do you know how hard it is not to crack up laughing while you are trying to be stern with a two year old cute enough to actually be on TV?
I’m also really, really fond of Cammy’s happy dance. We purchased her a actual Bomb Pop! from the Bomb Pop! man. Who knew you actually write Bomb Pop! with the exclamation point and every thing. The things you figure out while sitting in front of your powerless house reading what ever you got, including the popsicle wrapper. Any who. Here I was thinking that the Bomb Pops! you actually buy in the store are a fair assessment of the popsicles you will get from you neighbor hood rainbow colored van, and I was of the mind set that barring our placement in the sixth level of hell I wouldn’t be buying a over priced puny Bomb Pop! for my kid. My child hood memories are filled with popsicles as long as my head and left my entire fore arm drenched in flavored syrup cause you can NEVER eat a Bomb Pop! fast enough to not drip especially if you don’t use the wrapper. But as any local will tell you – St. Louis in the summer with out A/C is the sixth level of hell and on Saturday Jerry and I spent the afternoon trying to get out house together with out power and with all of our Bomp Pop! stash melted during our four days of powerlessness, that puny popsicle looked mighty good to me. So I upped the $1.25 per, lamenting like all parents do – when I was your age a popsicle was a quarter… but was pleasantly surprised when he reached in his cooler to hand me these GIANT popsicles. It was easily as long as my forearm and Cammy couldn’t even hold the thing by its stick and eat it – it was too long for her arms, which lead to her pretty white dress, turning all manner of tie dye looking redness (and why is it no matter how many colors a popsicle has the juice is always all red when it gets on you?) but none of this could dull her happiness. Yes it was past nap time, yes she had been tortured with TWO hours of hair braiding (pictures coming), yes Nemo was dead as there was no DVD player we colud use to pacify her with and she was not buying the whole TV is broken thing, but being barefoot in the summer sun with a popsicle was just what my baby girl needed, she danced up and down the street with me shaking her little groove thang and singing a little ditty she came up with dripping popsicle juice everywhere.

Gotta love the summer.

keep on movin don't stop now...

2006-07-20T09:01:00.000-05:00

Want to read something just as sweet as humanly possible? Check out Jerry’s blog and his sisters response. She is really just a kick butt big sister. And maybe she gets him after all, or gets him enough for the amount of contact they’ve had in the last five years. I tend to forget, I think that they aren’t right under each other, she being across the country. Maybe they just need each other to get things together. I personally am glad they are aligning themselves to fight this fight. Jerry is the best wing man on the planet. he's wonderful at implementing the plan - you just gotta tell him what the plan is. She can make things go, give him the plan - that’s what big sisters do. and I am glad, so very glad things are happening. At this point movement of any kind is good. Keep it movin!

Speaking of moving. God moved a lot of stuff last night in St. Louis, we have had the largest power loss due to storm in thirty years last night. Our power is out. And probably will be out for a little while. Big beautiful lightening streaked across the sky, and trees missed my uninsured house by about three yards. THANK YOU GOD for answering prayers. I hear you people – why is my house uninsured, I’ll explain later, that is another post. Rain came seemingly out of nowhere and pounded the greater St. Louis area – the roof of several buildings including the airport was lifted and moved several yards, in the case of the airport it made it all the way to the highway and blocked lanes. I hope your family is safe, mine is.

Its good mommy

2006-07-19T12:09:00.000-05:00

imgp6787
Originally uploaded by raquita.

This is my favorite pciture from our peach picking trip, Cammy and Moe had a ball, and so did Jerry and I. We can't count peaches per lbs so we ended up buying thirty pounds of peaches, can anybody say peach cobbler? Really come on over, ther ewill be PLEANTY.

other notible images

Its been a hard day and night

2006-07-19T11:54:00.000-05:00

This weekend was – lets say different. Jerry’s Sister made the trip from NYC to St. Louis by car, that over heated most of the way here. So we spent most of the morning Saturday worried about whether or not the car would actually make it to St. Louis. I won baseball tickets and they missed the game - the drive from NYC is normally 15 hours or so, it took them twenty four. But we sat in the HOT ARSED new stadium and I got to take a few good shots of Albert Pujols batting. We missed the India Arie Concert. I was bummed about that but what can you do, I didn’t want to leave the kid with the passed out daddy, he never would have woken up if she had awakened first.
His sister finally got to his moms house on Saturday night, and we went over to see her, his mom and his nephew, and his sisters, ex but not really friend Keith. We tried to head to the concert but that didn’t happen, so we took the nephew to give the sister time with their mom.
Funny, she really is a lot like me, his sister, and then at the same time, not so much. I can tell she is fiercely loyal. She didn’t exactly know what to think about Jerry and their moms relationship, and she thinks she “knows” but she doesn’t really. How can anyone know something, they don't know or understand? She thinks she understands Jerry’s dad, and she doesn’t at all, or Jerry for that matter. She has a good heart though, and she’s like me in that once she decides a course of action is to be taken she’s all over it. I admire that. She is awesome though and I am truly glad I finally met somebody in his family who actually comes off as someone he is related to not just someone he is related to, did that make sense?
Jerry can be very hard on himself, and in a lot of ways when it comes to these relationships he has had to face this weekend, I think he’s still has a very confused little boy trying to understand things that have nothing to do with him, yet effect everything about who he is, and the wonderful man he has become is trying to find his footing. He wants to be everything everybody wants from him, and I just want him to be happy with the choices he makes everyday, because he should be. He’s an honorable man. I stand beside him gladly and walk with him because I know he chooses the right thing for our family and always will.
We did get to spend a lot of time with Jerry’s nephew, it was different to hear somebody call me Aunt Raquita. He’s a terrific sweet kid, so totally unlike Jerry. Total opposite. He’s very quiet and reserved. Very observant and smart, just not very vocal. Quite happy to play psp or xbox 360 until his fingers cramp. Great with Cammy. They had a ball playing together. We are gonna do everything we can to get him back to visit for a week in the summer – hopefully coordinate the visit with my other nephew who is supposed to be coming from the same region around the same time. Which would give us a built in playmate and vice versa. My sister called to give me some young boy tips, like feed him even if he says he’s not hungry, and lo and behold the boy ate – at least a good portion of his breakfast. She’s gonna be my source for boy parenting, fo’sho. We took him to Dave and Busters on Monday before they left, which was fun. We had lunch and he’s the ticket type of kid, you know win the tickets buy a prize. And I never would have pegged him for that type. Apparently he’s very competitive. He told me he wanted to try this claw prize thingy with all manner of fake “bling” in it cause –“I really need to get some bling Auntie.” He said that with totally seriousness, I told him we may be able to look into some minor bling for Christmas. Cammy was totally into all the riding video games, although ChuckECheese maybe more her speed, she was still delighted by all the lights and stuff. She likes to win the tickets too. We did the peach picking thing and he got to piggy back on Jerry and Cammy really go into the hwole spirit of the event.
The whole point in their visit was this birthday dinner for Jerry’s eighty year old grandmother Tootie which was Sunday night, we forgot the camera, so we missed the opportunity to get pictures of people we may very well never see again, although we did get telephone numbers to a lot of great people, and I am rally looking forward to building some of those relationships up. His family is totally wonderful, and I loved all of the characters. They made my family look like they weren’t quite as rare in their wonder as I may have previously thought. They have genuinely good, good people. And BEAUTIFUL children, I see why Cammy is so cute.
All in all it was a hard day and night, and its taken me this long to get around to blogging about it. You don’t even want to know what happened with my Tuesday, lets just say I hate the insurance industry.

Just change all the him's etc to Oprah

2006-07-14T13:43:00.000-05:00

An Actual 1955 Good Housekeeping article.
just go ahead click it to make it bigger and readable and change all the hims to Oprah and we'll see the ONLY WAY this is gonna be true up in here... Cause Oprah - she can have what ever she wants.

Random thoughts again...

2006-07-13T16:59:00.000-05:00

Okay – why did I almost want to see You, Me and Dupree but then I realized I just finished living that so maybe Superman would be a better choice.

Why does Beyonce dancing just like my momma on fast forward in her new video?

I love Entourage and I know why – just now I figured it out, cause it gives me something new to watch in the off season of Grey’s Anatomy. I love Jeremy Piven, who plays Ari. I love Adrian Grenier, aka Vince, I love the friendship between the four guys. And I love that it gives women the best parts of sex in the city, with out all the whack girly parts .(clearly I didn’t really like sex in the city) besides my hubby and his friends will watch it with me. Which rocks cause I don’t have a lot of girlfriends to watch TV with. (I totally Expected to get the DVDs of the show for some holiday – didn’t happen)

J’s sister is coming, and I’m a little nervous about it. I don’t spend a whole lot of time with my in laws, any of them at all, so I’m kinda like, okay lets see how this rolls. I wish we did. I wish we saw his mom more often but that is simply not the case. His dad, he’s a wonderful man, who I wish we saw even more than his mom. I think we’ll get him for holidays and the such.

I’m not tired, cause I slept ALL NIGHT AND ALL DAY yesterday – (thanks honey) but I’m tired, cause I worry about all the wrong things.

I wanna watch old Entourage episodes tonight, maybe I’ll rent the DVDs.

Ever wish cartoon characters were real, cause I’d love to have a sit down with Bugs Bunny and the crew from Voltron.

I really wanna cook, I think we’re gonna go berry and peach pickin, so I can make a cobbler, and maybe I’ll take one to Jerry’s Grandmothers birthday party. It’s the first family function we’ve been notified of since we’ve been dating.

I bought my kid some hair stuff, and ironically some for my hair, she’s into the playing hair dresser right now and it almost makes me wish I didn’t have locks so she could play in my hair with a brush.

This stuff never happens to me

2006-07-11T15:38:00.000-05:00

He Became a Dwarf Just So He Could Say That

Dwarf, to drunk chick at bar: So have you ever had a dwarf go up on you?

--Manistee, Michigan

Overheard by: Gabby

Be careful what you ask for.....

2006-07-09T22:30:00.000-05:00

Guess what I got over the weekend?
Guess whose ass hurts like a mug?

bike riding wasn't this hard when I was fifteen, at least I don't remember it being so difficult. I'm certainly Gonna pick up a gel seat cause the one on the bike is KILLIN MY ASS. My kid thinks its the best thing that ever happened to her, EVER. She wants to ride it in all the time, she'd probably be sublimely happy if we set it up in the living room so she could watch Dora in it.
We had a wear out the toddler Sunday which included Swimming, playing in a fountain at our local park, and of course bike riding through the neighborhood. It felt really good to get out and let my body work. I really can't wait to do it again, with a gel seat.

CLIPPIN AWAY AT MY 1001 THINGS

Jerry and I went with his cousin to a WONDERFUL restaurant in South city. There is background story however so let me tell it will ya!
Okay when Jerry and I married in Jamaica at an average resort so our family could come with us, then we switched to a very posh, very expensive resort for our honeymoon. We heard great things about the food there so we went to the sushi place for dinner on the first night and ran into a couple from St. Louis, Wendy and Paul. We talked and talked and they told us how recently back home there had been a MAJOR explosion at the propane gas factory near our home before they left, which also happened to be near their restaurant. So we talked about the menu and how they got into it - cause this was back when I was just beginning to admit that that was what I wanted to do. They finished there dinner and told us we should drop by for dinner and visit with them. Well we got back and everytime I heard something about the restaurant I said to myself I really need to go, I mentioned it a few times to Jerry, he was never really in the mood to try new stuff right when that question was asked, and before I knew it it had been a year, so fast forward to Saturday night, I was fretting over finding something good for dinner - with out going to a chain or cooking it myself. Then it dawned on me, you know we should try that restaurant the couple we met in Jamaica owns.

Jerry's response was "Who?" After refreshing his memory he was game and off we went. And OH MY GOD! It was awesome. The name of hte place is Eleven Eleven Mississippi The food was spectacular, the atmosphere was wonderful, And we got to see Wendy who remembered exactly who we were - as if we are so forgettable, and then even bought us dessert, which was AWESOME, I had Gooey Butter Cake - easily the best I've ever had, Jerry had this amazing Vanilla custard Napoleon thing with caramelized bananas - and seeing as how I have just discovered the wonder that is vanilla custard in the last few months it was the most perfect presentation of tasty goodness, and J's cousin had a cantaloupe sherbert that tasted like the most perfect melon ever grown, and I didn't put that in caps just to be different. And the appetizers the mussels were awesome, and the wild boar raviolli, and the citrus salmon entree, and the duck or the halibut and man - I'm gonna stop or we'll be going back there for lunch today.

anywho, This is the second new restaurant we have been to since I started my 1001, so I'm am on my way!

Dancin' machine....

2006-07-07T12:07:00.000-05:00

Hey Groupies…

I am getting off of such heavy subjects and going to something that brings me much joy.

Dance.

I don’t do it often, much to my dismay, although going out clubbing is not what I had in mind. I think I am going to look into dance lessons. There is a beauty behind ballroom and couples structured dancing that is rarely seen in todays modern world. When done well it is truly one of the most beautiful things you can see, a man and a woman moving together gracefully, in time, to a rhythm internally and externally.

Truly, truly beautiful. Seriously.

There is this studio called Convergence Dance I think I may look into and see what I think. I guess it bears mentioning that I love – love watching the TV show So You Think You Can Dance, not only for the absolute characters in the first shows who is grand reality tv, style totally embarrass themselves moving with music accompanying them, cause I refuse to call what they do dancing or want to imply that they had any rhythm at all while trying to. But mostly I watch it because I love the art of dancing, and my child has picked up that bug and does her wonderful toddler dancing any time there is any music on at all, and some of the few times I can get her to sit still is when Donyelle Jones takes the dance floor.

She is my pick win this addition of SYTYCD, and I also think the young swing dancer she is partnered with, Benji TOTALLY has the hots for her.. shoot Jerry has the hots for her so I can’t be mad at the little guy. I like her because she is a real black woman. Thicker than a stick, womanly, probably wears a size 10, has these great arms, she is just wonderful, and she’s silly, and seems to have a good heart. Not to mention she is extremely talented. We watch it every time it comes on – either right when it comes on or afterwards - eventually - I tivo everything I like. So Good luck Donyelle! We are rooting for you!

Any who moving on.

Thanks for the thoughts on Rocky, and the little conversation on the Question of the day. To clarify per one person who sent me an e-mail – I don’t hate that my brother is gay, I hate that he thinks his family isn’t supportive. My personal thoughts on GLBT is that I don’t. The single most important property of Christianity to me, Judge not lest ye be judged, and I firmly believe that it not my place, my life is between me an my creator, and your life is between you and yours. I try not to pass judgments on people – I do know that I am not GLBT, and while it is flattering when I am approached, and I think women are marvelous wonderful creatures, and there are women whom I love deeply who are not related to me, I have no desire to get some chick sprung. As I mentioned the other day, Women are lucky I don’t date women. P.S. I don’t believe my brother reads this blog, if he does I would be truly, truly surprised. Seriously. Shoot, mom my gets by here every once in a while, and my aunt used to read it regularly but now she doesn’t. TiTo is the only person I know reads it, however sporadically, who I knew before I started the blog.

My sisters wedding is creeping up on me. I am the Matron of honor, that kinda makes me feel like that whole spinster thing on my wedding certificate was accurate. Matron makes me sound so old and homely. I have to go be fitted for my dress, pay for the dress then ultimately wear the dress, can you tell I’m not excited about that. I’m not into formal wear. My sister has over the course of our relationship become one of my best friends. I hold a lot of respect for her.
And I wonder what you do when you know a decision will jeopardize that? Before your little minds start flipping out, not the marriage. I’m all for the marriage.
She is becoming a Stepmother in the process, and my biggest fear for her is that she will become the evil step mother, that she won’t treat those kids like they are hers, and that they, as a couple, will short change them – whether it happens intentionally or unintentionally. Kids are always my first focus when looking at a situation. Even before my sister. Which is saying a lot for me. Because I put family before anything – but these kids will be my family once she says I do, and I plan to love them as if my sister had given birth to them, I just pray that she treats them as if she had given birth to them. The actual situation is deeper than a little bit, but not original in todays age of divorce and broken families and that makes me sad for a lot of kids not just the ones in my family, but as an adult kid of divorce I know how they feel and I wish I could make it better, but I’m just the aunt in this situation. It is straining our relationship as it is, I can hear it crackling between us every time she calls to talk about some detail of the wedding. Once its brought up she ends the conversation. And its funny I was totally surprised that we were so far away on this thing. We see eye to eye on so many basic family issues. I would have thought this was a basic family issue.

Any who- I need to get back to work. And get ready for lunch… pizza with the hubby…

Welcome home, Man of the house

2006-07-06T10:47:00.000-05:00

IMGP1854
Originally uploaded by raquita.

My husbands patience has worn thin with our living situation, however I truly believe my mother’s random questions did not help the situation – I am most worried about this crowded house damaging my relationship with my hubby,We are fighting though right now,a nd that's all I can pray for. But I am most proud of the stand he took with everybody and said exactly how he feels.
Starting with me

We went to lunch the other day and J, told me how he was feeling and what he was thinking, and I was glad to hear it. Some times I wonder if he is just rolling along or if he wants to live this life with me. It was refreshing to have him, say HEY!!! Listen to my point. He said what he wanted to see change and had a gathering of the extra people to say exactly how he feels, he pulled no punches, just said what he thought and that was that. I was very proud of him, now we have to see if the extra people take what he has said to heart.
Jerry is, and has always been the ying to my yang. I’ve very forceful at times, for instance last night I told my brother I would seriously beat his arse if he continued to disrespect my grandmother. Seriously. And if he wanted to test that theory he should say one more disrespectful thing right now.

He didn’t.

Jerry said, I don’t care what you really think, in my house this is the way it is. He said it very, very calmly. He’s the good cop to my bad cop. I have learned that Jerry isn’t gonna have a lot to say, my brother pointed out that this is just one more way that J is like my dad. Not gonna get excited, not trying to yell. Just rolling with it. Me I’m a force of nature. Moving things, bending, pushing, pulling, my element is fire, Jerry’s is water.

My brother is like sand. Thin and grainy yet trying to become something dramatic like glass. We were talking and he kept saying how unsupportive our family has been about his coming out – if I hadn’t mentioned it my brother is gay - and that really pisses me off. Why? Because my brother came out roughly six years ago, and while it was not easy for everyone to swallow. He is welcome and his partners have always been welcome. And for him to sit in front of his partner whose family has disowned him and say his family hasn’t been supportive is a crock of bull.
We just won’t “support” you, i.e. you need to be able to pay your own bills and live your own life, present situation excluded. And no matter how he chooses to live his life, we as individuals are allowed to have moral and life choices about what we will and won’t allow in our homes. My mother doesn’t allow any of her children to have sex in her home before marriage. My brother and his partner are clearly not married, so why should the rule be different for you cause you are gay? If he were straight would he and his partner be married, probably not, they can’t afford an apartment – let alone a wedding.
And these are the points I’m constantly trying to get my brother to understand. Being gay doesn’t get you a free pass by the rules that are a part of adult life. I always thought my mom was blurring the line between being his parent and his friend. Allowing things she NEVER would have let me get away with, my sister either for that matter. And now she has decided to redraw the boundaries she will allow in he home. Which I totally understand and support, it is how my brother ended up at my house. My father is very clear on how he feels about my brothers lifestyle, he loves my brother, and accepts the “lifestyle that he has chose” my dad’s words – but will not allow any display of that lifestyle in his home. Rocky is welcome there, could even live there, but my father is not open to that level of acceptance. And I think that is okay. I think for the black community to have SUCH a phobia about homosexuality that for this to be his situation he’s blessed. And should be working to quell the rest of the insecurities not pissed because all is not fixed today.
Me personally, I don’t particularly care to see to straight people making out heavy, it makes me uncomfortable to see straight couples over display, I think it’s a statement of insecurity, and while not disgusting to me, my feelings about gay pda are the same. I don’t mind affection between two people, I just prefer not to watch you drape all over your partner. I wasn’t allowed to drape all over my dates/boyfriends in front of my parents, and Cammy certainly won’t be allowed to either. Jerry and I don’t drape now, we got an apartment for that. So why is this so different for him? You wanna drape, get an apartment. My brother take this as an affront or our families not supporting his life style that we won’t watch him display his affection.

Lately I just wanna shake the S#!^ out of my siblings.

Here is the question of the day, is the Gay rights movement equal to civil rights movement? In my personal opinion yes. But what do you think?

Cause you haven't added Overheard in New York to your blogroll yet...

2006-07-05T16:17:00.000-05:00

Wednesday One-Liners Were Young and Needed the Money
Woman, yelling to man: Look, you give me crack and I smoke it and we fuck. That's what we do.
--130th, between Lenox and 5th
Overheard by: Juany

royal memories

2006-07-03T17:07:00.000-05:00

I was reading this post over at little bald doctors called A bend in the road, and was magically taken back to a place that holds a lot of sentimental value for me. Jerry asked me over the weekend what moments do I most value in our relationship. I rattled off some of our bigger moments like Valentines Day ’02 – that was when my husband tricked me in to believing he was ultra romantic – he has since corrected me – he’s ultra thoughtful – which is just as good just not as romantic. Then there was Mexico ’03, we didn’t know we were supposed to be unhappy with that three star whole in the wall cause we were together. But all in all, the things that really got me was the everyday time and one of my truly most favorite moments was when he took me to lunch at Crown Candy.
He had been stunned that I had never been. I think we split a BLT and each had ice cream. I remember thinking this was the kind of place you started traditions at. Took your kids to every Sunday after church. He said that too while we were sitting there, and I remember thinking he was genuinely a good man. He was surprised when I said I used to collect the coca cola bear, so I liked all the coca cola stuff every where. I didn’t mention how I wanted to collect Black Americana Artifacts and I wondered where they hung the whites only sign that had to be there at one time or another. He read my thoughts on the way back to the car and made mention of the same wondering. We watched little kids jaws drop at the sight of the candy counter. He made me laugh. I remember smiling a lot that day. And I remember that feeling every time we drive past Crown Candy.

cause its not a holiday - and that must be why

2006-07-03T12:14:00.000-05:00

A lot of things have happened in the last three hours.
First – a co-worker passed away and word is just now trickling through the office. This is the same woman I helped through a seizure a few weeks ago. She was a mousy nervous skittish woman. And I can only say that I had just spent the last weeks since her seizure trying to get her to talk so I could befriend her. We had just gotten to the point were she remembered my name and she smiled when she saw me. She leaves behind two children and a ex husband who by all accounts was a arse to the highest degree.
Second and by no means of any true importance after the above mentioned statement – I think there is a possibility that the good Chinese spot is closed today, and that sucks cause I had my head all wrapped around a St. Paul sandwich and a strawberry soda.
Third – my mom called me- my grandmother – as a bit of back history – is just like me – so she is suffering from the same aliment that I am – you know – housefullofextrafolksfornoreasonandwhopaynorent-itis. Right. So - its complicated in the details however it boils down to she has the other half of my family’s free loaders in her house and they are turning in to squatters. I told her I’m itchin for somebody to turn stupid so I have an excuse to act a donkey- so I’m going by there on Wed to turn into the eviction police. BTW – Spoken is moving out in the next week or so. My mother, it seems, is about to pull rank and make my brother move home, we’ll see how it goes.

The day is looking up how ever- cause the Chinese place just answered the phone – NICE.

answers for slump

2006-07-02T09:22:00.000-05:00

What is the first priority when purchasing a shoe, looks or comfort?

Unfortunately comfort is my priority. I had surgery when I was a small girl, and after that comfort was always the goal. Can’t be cute if it will break your artificial ankle

2) What is the most you would pay for a “dress stiletto”?
If I could wear one, a couple hunned….
3.Which type of shoes do you own more of, “one-hour wears” or “all day wears”?
It never occurred to me to lump them like that -I own more all day numbers.
4) What is more important when purchasing a shoe, designer or look?
Look, but designer will help me try some stuff I wouldn’t normally
5) Shoe preference, “high heel”, “wedge heel”, “short heel” or “flats”?
I like my heel around the two inch mark, doesn’t really matter what kind of heel…
6) What is the most important piece of your wardrobe, “shoes”, “hat” or “handbag”?
Shoes.
7) Do you associate “cost” of shoe with quality?
yes Also with avalibility.I wear a larger size and if they cost more they are around longer for me to get to. P.s. to the shoe industry, more than three women in an given area wear larger than 9 – send more than three pairs please.
8) Is your dress style defined by shoes or clothes? If shoes, how do your shoes enhance your “look”, “attitude”, or “personality”?
Shoes always make me feel great. The perfect pair of Via Spiga’s can truly do wonders for a girls ego
9) If you only had $50, which would you chose to purchase, dinner or a pedicure?
Dinner – sorry nobrainer, I’m a chef first.
10) How frequent are your pedicures, per month?
Not often enough, If I had my way I’d get them twice a month, at least once with my hair apointment, and once with out.
11) How often do you get foot massages?
When ever my husband can talk me into letting him do it.
12) Is having someone paint your toes sexy, why? Also, would you pay to have it done, if so, how much?
If my husband wants to pamper me that way – I would find it extremely sex, depending on how he went about it. Only pay for it in refernce to a pedicure.
13) How important is the beautification of your feet to your overall level of confidence?it doesn’t really rank that high for me.. So many thing take president over my feet i’d rank them a three on a scale of 1 to ten.
14) Do you feel sexier when your feet are made up?
Not necessarily sexier, but more confident
15) Do you wear foot jewelry, ankle bracelets? If so, how often? When I have them, my kid likes to break things like that…, I wear them a lot. I wish iworemore casual jewelry in general.

Bonus Question…
16) If you could purchase a perfume for your feet, what would be the scent? Salvatore Ferragamo

It all falls down

2006-06-29T16:20:00.000-05:00

It all falls down..

I decided today that I am tired of drowning. Tired of feeling like I have no choice in the direction that I am moving, that my failure is required. That I have to prove that the glass is half full, that I have to have all the answers before I can step out on faith. That I have to have all the answers to all the questions. That I have to carry it all, because the truth is I don’t.

It has been mentioned that I am a woman of faith, or at the very least I try to be and want to be. I have decided that I simply cannot, and God can. I hope that was His intention. Cause that’s where I am, right now.
I am going to do what I can, be what I am, and remember who I am. And if God could just you know handle a few things for me… get the extra people out of my house, teach me how to be a better wife, hand over my fear, then we will have a good day. As it stands I am blessed. And everything that is given to me is appreciated.

Work is work. It’s a little dry, I am not being productive. I need to work on that. But I got the weekend to get it all together. I’m off tomorrow so I’m gonna spend the day with my kid, maybe work on getting my herb garden started. We are gonna try to have a good Friday trip somewhere, the original plan was Grants Farm. We’ll see if we make it there, or perhaps the City museum.

Wanna go? Email me…

A nice little view...

2006-06-28T12:47:00.000-05:00

Albert Pujols
Originally uploaded by frnch.

I just thought this could make somebody's day. His thighs are a bit small since his injury but hey....

moving on..

2006-06-27T12:28:00.000-05:00

God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay,and who you refuse to let go."- Anonymous

This is a very note worthy quote for me. I saw it on a friends blog today. And it has made me reflect on my situation. My life is about to enter into its next faze. My tennant to whom we have been less than stellar landlords has purchased a house. Which means all those decisions about whether to rennovate or rent, are now coming to a head. And I now don’t have the spare energy to waste on people whom I need to allow to walk away.  The situation has eaten at me more than I can verbalise, so I have come to the conclusion that if there is to be any hope at all of retaining any idea of a friendship, It is time for some space.
I have got whole real life things, my life things I have got to deal with, and further stressing over a friendship that missed its mark, I can’t justify that now. I don’t think I am going to post anymore on the subject until I talk to Spoken, I know she can’t read this at work due to her company firewall, but you never know. And that would suck cause I really need to sit down with her and expain exactly how I feel, and why this is such a major violation to me.

Part of my problem is that I hold people to high standards. Which is a different subject isn’t it?

But I can’t help it. I want people to hold me to high standards. I want to surround myself with people who make me work harder to be better. A better writer, a better chef, a better mom, a better human, a better wife, sister, friend, neice, granddaghter, daughter, artist. . I want to be better. And some of  the people in my world  live – not digital, you guys totally rock - right now aren’t exactly helping me be better.  Its why I stopped hanging out in the poetry scene here in St.Louis.

That sucks.

Totally besides that point Taylor Mali got married, and as he is one whom I most respect my congratulations are here for him.

Also my most sincerest thanks to Sarah, and Jaelithe. They are two wonderful great people, and I am so greatful to know you both.

If I don’t post it enough, Jerry, I love you. You make me see the best and worst parts of me and help me change or make the best of them, and love me though it. You are God’s best and most fruitful blessing in my life. I am so grateful, eternally happy that we found each other and have celebrated our one year anniversary. I am looking forward to millions more.

Previous thing not mentioned – Sunday was our anniversary and we went to eat at a great little tapas restraunt in St.Louis called MiraSol. It was wonderful to sit with my husband and enjoy each others company as a man and woman. Funny how having a kid and turning your house in to a youth hostel will make you forget that you and your spouse did have a whole life, before you were the worlds rock of Gibralter. You were cool, and did cool stuff, and went to cool places. Its nice to know you are still a little cool benieth all the toddler stuff.

Still cool indeed, I love you baby.

Friends... how many of us have them....

2006-06-26T10:28:00.000-05:00

Okay. Friday. Was. A. Bad. BAD. Day. Apparently Cammy’s upset stomach was a little more than an upset stomach last week, Jerry’s too mind you. Those two don’t really give you a good gauge on my tummy hurts. Apparently they have been passing around the stomach flu like business cards and it hit me on Thursday night, and all day Friday. The weekend of my wedding anniversary. Seriously. So I was regurgitating all of all day Friday. Left work after forty five minutes of being face planted in our disgusting bathrooms. I decided that I would simply have to take the attendance hit for this one. And my loving wonder husband came like a knight on shining champagne colored Trailblazer to swoop me home. Then my weekend takes a turn for the pretty bad.
Remember all that stuff I told you guys about how I was all for helping the people in my house and doing what ever I could etc, and I couldn’t think of the situation that would test my friendship?
Remember that?
Well. I found it. Lets talk hypotheticals shall we?
You got a friend who you let stay with you cause you were really, really concerned about her health, she needed surgery. You were like you have to have the surgery and the ONLY way you could talk her into having the surgery was to be like I’ll let you recoup on my futon until you get better. Your doctor tells her, six weeks, then she can go back to work. She plans on making enough money to pay her deposit on her apartment, and a down payment on her car and move on once she has gotten cleared to go back to work. She helps with the groceries during the six week stretch that she’s out, she worked hella overtime before the surgery you assume shes got a plan, you don’t ask what the plan is. She is a grown ass woman she ought to have a plan. You two talked at length over the last six months about resolving certain issues that would be a hindrance if not resolved, you simply assume she resolved them. So shes been cleared around week four to move around and go out and about, so you start helping her get the car hunt going. You are making the calls, and you find out that those things that you thought she fixed that she said she fixed, she simply didn’t.
No problem at least not your problem, she simply will have to spend more on interest etc than she originally thought. But with those issues the money she saved for her down isn’t enough. People are still working but now she starts work on Monday and doesn’t have a car.

This was never part of the plan.

But you are friends so you get your husband to take turns – mostly his turn – to go pick her up a good thirty to forty five minute drive daily at eleven o’clock at night. You drop her off in the morning on your way – Still out of the way mind you – where ever she so decides she wants to go. You gas expenses double. You are putting TWICE the miles on your car than you expect. Your husband is always tired, yet the gentlemen and won’t let you go unless he is unbearably tired. He doesn’t walk the dog in the morning, cause he’s too tired. He can’t relax cause he knows he’s gotta get up and go. Then she volunteers for this movie project. Which is cool, but you warn her – she can’t afford to financially contribute, she says I know, I won’t. You leave it at that. She’s still working you are still driving her, but you have to call her everyday and tell her to call people, she doesn’t seem to be moving on her own. That is annoying. Close to four weeks has gone by.
This took me until this morning to be able to talk about this with out getting really, really heated. So, somebody finally finds this girl a car. So she calls me to tell me she’s short on the money she needs to put down on the car. The guy is asking for a grand down.
Q. how could you be short when before you started back to work at the end of May you had $700, and you’ve been working for damn close to a month, been paid at least twice and possibly due again this week. And you’ve been working overtime at every given opportunity.
A. Well, she tells you. Some people needed some help.

Excuse me? Some people needed some help? From you, the homeless person with out a car? You don’t have any more money than you did when you started cause some “people needed some help?”

Tell me how you would respond?

I swear it took all of my self control not to put her out right then. My house is flipped over backwards, but somebody needed more help than you need to get your shit together. My husband is tired, our relationship is not regular. But you get to decide we can take more? I really need you to be able to go live with those people who needed your help so bad. You can’t get a ride, nobody else is helping you but you gotta help everybody who asks you? I need some of those people who needed your help you pick you up from work. If she had been really thinking about being my friend she would have been trying to get up and on her feet. I am not willing to help everyone she deems worthy. Remember that movie project she said she knew she couldn't afford to help with , apparently she forgot before she hung up, or just flat lied to my face, cause she and i quote,"spent more than she was supposed to on that.." more than you were supposed to? you wen't suuposed to spend anything on that until you didn't live with me. Grandmother needs help, go back to vegas and live with her and help her for real. Cause this is not what I signed up for. I have my hands full helping her, so for her to decided that I can continue to help her for longer than absolutely necessary really, really gets my goat.
I feel used and taken advantage of. As if I was simply convenient, the next logical step on who she could get the most out of. And like everything she said to me really meant shit. Now the time frame has shrunken, I am no longer willing to put my husband or family in any state of discomfort to accommodate you. I will keep my word but now, I need you to get an apartment yesterday. She is so far down my shit list she’s probably decomposing by now.
And I don’t know why I’m surprised. It happens every time. Last time it was the rental car thing, 2300.00. Every time I call someone a friend, they push and push and push until I break.

I must have sucker stamped on my forehead.

continued ramblings from yesterday

2006-06-21T14:30:00.000-05:00

Moving back to the actual weekend,
Cammy’s birthday went well, spent too much on food, but that was it, made a few adjustments to compensate (sorry balloons- you gotta go) and we got through it okay. She got a few things I really wanted her to have, and we are gonna go get the rest. Ever notice how you could have not had the party and just bought the things you wanted you kid to have and come out just the same? Next year.
Tito, my dear wonderful friends, came by I was soo excited that they were there, then the left all early LOSERS!!!!!! I thought we were gonna have a drink and hang out, then – no, they were like no dice, and we can’t hang with you till like two weeks from next wed, cause we got cooler more fun people coming to hang with us. Okay that’s not what they said. But in stubborn I miss my friends translation that’s exactly how it came out! But I miss them and I never see them anymore. So I’ll say it again cause its my blog LOSER Tito!!! LOSER Tito!! I call them Tito like it’s a 70’s R&B band, like I expect them to be seen in Gold polyester suits with butterfly collars and platforms. That would be totally cool though.
Fathers day for Jerry was less than stellar. He was in a funk, and I know why- there was simply nothing I could do about it. Nothing worse than feeling powerless to help the people you love. I mentioned his grill right? I’m excited about what he’s gonna do with that thing…

Miles and miles of miles.
My car – which I bought in March with 52xxx miles now had roughly 62xxx miles on it, we clearly need a second car, and Spoken has got to get into her own car, like yesterday, we put an extra sixty mile a day on the car picking her up and taking her to work. That’s like A LOT. Like three hundred EXTRA miles a week, that’s over a tank of gas a week at three dollars a gallon, that’s just too much. I’m going to run into the same issues we had with the old car, it was a 2002 and we traded it in with 98,000 miles on it. And while driving Spoken is an issue, its not our only car centered issue, we are seriously talking every other day about needing a second car. We do, but its like number twelve on a list of 87 things we need to take care of. So we’ll see how that goes. But honestly with the money we would save on gas we could honestly get a car and insurance and minimize our monthly cost increase to like under two hundred bucks a month. Our commute is a bytch and it would be nice to be able to do something’s with out having to wait and see if the hubby is doing something, or having to pick him up or he pick me up. If my life wasn’t so good, I’d be really ticked about this whole car thing.

Progress.. is progress, even if its on thin ice..
My friend J, who I haven’t mentioned a lot lately, is treading thin – albeit dangerous ice in his life, and I am seriously concerned. He moved out from his girlfriends house, (yeah!!!) to move back in with his ex (booooo!!), he is a recovering alcoholic who has had a relapse recently and while trying to come out of that has taken to gambling at the local casino. He told me years ago there were reasons why he didn’t go gamble, apparently he has forgotten them, cause he’s been going, and while he’s not losing a lot of money right now, I know its just one turn card, or one fourth street (poker terms people) before he’s calling me saying how he lost his whole paycheck. Its happened before. And of all the people having issues in my life right now I am most worried about him.
My brother and his boyfriend have gotten a apartment, so they will be off my couch like SOON. They are doing stooped stuff already, and my biggest fear is they will be back in three months. They still don’t have a car, but my brothers job is close enough that I don’t have to worry about that with him, and his boyfriend is not my concern as far as car needs are concerned. So if I could get him to minimize the drama he could be off in the right direction. Now Spoken hasn’t made any concrete strides to get her car situation resolved, or the apartment situation resolved. She refuses to do a few things I think will make it easier to get a car.

she refuses to get a Missouri drivers license. Why is this an issue? Well she is holding on to this whole “I’m from Vegas,” thing when really she’s not. You were born here and have been back here countless times since moving to Vegas as a preteen, no you lived in Vegas for a while but you are from Missouri, get over it. And not having a Missouri license makes loan people nervous. They don’t believe you will be here. And I can understand that. So if you really want a car – what do you do? Exactly. Her reasoning? “I just like having a Vegas license.” Oookaaaay.

Wake up. Spoken lives like a vampire. Up all night and sleeps all day, however banks don’t. So when I call her at noon (which is a pet peeve on mine – but that’s another post) and she’s like made no calls, done nothing, she was sleep on her desk at work. I want to reach through the phone and strangle her. I want her to be calling and making moves when these businesses open until you start at your gig. But she’s a night owl, Never sleeps at night so its hard to stay up during the day, I know that. I understand even, but its not helping get her into her own space, and rocking her own ride.

I just got a call from my brother saying the apartment fell through. That is so not what I wanted for my anniversary.  If they don’t just go find a little studio I’m gonna kill them. But not in the house, casue I don’t wanna have to clean it up.
The funny thing about all of this is that I’m not upset, I’m not worried about Spoken and I not being friends when this ‘living together’ section of our friendship is over. She really is one of my best friends, and despite being annoyingly accommodating, and being able to put up with me and not running off, I love her. She could quit with the reading of the mind thing. Or at least saying it out loud that she did it. Maybe not. Anywho, Shes my friend and that’s that. J, the friend not the husband, I have to literally just walk away, because I am truly afraid for him. I can’t stop him from making these mistakes I just don’t think I can handle walking with him while he does it.  My brother is my brother and what else can I say about his situation. He’ll get it together cause he doesn’t want to be a burden.  But an extra three grown ups for two months and almost one respectively – gets heavy. I just have to worry about my situation a bit more forwardly. Jerry and I are both a bit more testy lately. Our finances are stretched to the limit, cause extra gas and food and etc is extra gas, food and etc. but most of all I just want my regular life back. My coworker Kelley says this was my life before they moved in - helping every body. I say I don’t mind helping everybody but I need a break. And as nice as getting away sounds, I really just want to stay home.
But all of this reminds me how blessed I really am. I have very little room to complain. God is awesome, and my life is awesome, only thing that could make it better is expanding our family – later -  and possibly winning the powerball lottery. Both would be nice.

the begining of Fathers day

2006-06-20T17:04:00.000-05:00

Most of you know I love to cook. I did a luncheon for my mom over the weekend, that went pretty well. I got a meat tenderizing mallet – AWESOME piece of metal. Then got Jerry’s father’s day gift, a charcoal grill, he was surprised. I was pleased he was surprised. He’s been jonesing for one for a little while. It was a group gift from all the people who live in his house. It was the least we could all do. He’s been such a trooper while all of these homeless people have invaded. Now we gotta get him a new gas grill and he’ll be good to go.
I’m a daddy’s girl. I may have mentioned that at some point. My parents are separated, and that was a difficult thing for me to come to terms with, understand and be okay with. My parents starting having issues the year I went away to college, or at least that’s when things got apparent to us kids that is wasn’t just parents being parents and arguing. It may have been apparent before then, but it became they aren’t gonna work it out that year. They have been living separately for several years, and are moving forward and filing for divorce. I mention this because my dad is now and has been dating this new woman for almost as long as I’ve been with J. And he apparently much to my surprise is contemplating re-marrying. How ever vaguely, he is entertaining the idea. And I don’t know how I quite feel about that. The girlfriend is okay. Kinda of artificially happy – ALL THE TIME – but she is okay. She seems less than sincere sometimes, and I never really thought she was the one for him. She seemed safe. Accommodating. Not at all challenging. The air doesn’t crackle around them, like it did around my parents. Not that she should be my mom, but shouldn’t the new love be as strong if not stronger than the old one? But who am I to say its not. Its is certainly different. Jerry makes my skin feel like I have sparklers in my finger tips, and I want that for both of my parents especially if they can’t have it together. I sincerely pray that the new loves they find totally eclipse what they used to have. But I’m a daddy’s girl so I am prepared to default to his opinion on that one. He first mentioned it, remarriage, in passing, months ago and I thought he was totally kidding. Apparently not quite. And now I can understand all the articles I’ve read about how kids of divorce respond to the parents remarrying. Because I have caught my self thinking, wondering why they (my parents) couldn’t make it work. Watching my husband sleep and wondering what he would have to do for me to simply say this is too much. When would my family stop being enough, and I need to start a new one? Watch my sister and brother walk in their respective relationships and wonder how it would be different for us all if my parents had said “our vows are worth saving. It has not been easy, and it won’t be everyday from here on, but we are in this forever.” I do wonder.
My dad is moving eventually. He has said he will have my mom sell his home sometime next year. I gotta get a head start on dibs on his furniture. I’ve already put in a request for the sectional and the big screen (fat chance on the big screen I know.) He’s moving in with his mom, eventually. And he can’t possibly take two couches, a dining room table, kitchen table, ect to his moms house. Which I think is a good idea, and if I could buy his house and transplant it to the city, I would. But I don’t know how I really feel about leaving the city. Over at Mamalogues I just spent a few posts and comments, not even a full week ago, mind you, going on about how much I love the city, and I do. I really do. I never expected to enjoy city living as much as I do. But for my family, I don’t know that not going to the county would be the absolute best thing for us. My kid and my dog like yard space. They do. I could have the best of both worlds and purchase near my mom, but I don’t know that I can afford to live in the nine bedroom “mansions” that surround my moms home, and produce ATROCIOUS heating and cooling bills. Those homes gas bills are as much as my current mortgage. Not kidding.
It was great to hang out with my dad for fathers day. I never get to see him much any more. He spends a lot of time with his girlfriend, and his mom and I spend all of my time with my husband and child, we kind of exist on phone calls and spot stops, to pick up mail at his house, or to stop by and spray, (he’s a part time exterminator) or teach Jerry how to fix (insert house hold item here). He sees my sister more often since she lives in the county less than ten minutes from his current home. My home is a forty five minute drive, once you are out there you try and see as MANY people as you can, so you don’t have to make that trip like a zillion times on $3 gallons of gas. So we shall see.

Quickies are good

2006-06-16T16:20:00.000-05:00

Today, I feel good. I’ve been in a up mood, for a most of the week, with a light down swing but mostly sunny really. We got a plan, a simple plan for Cammy’s birthday. I think I ordered too much cake, but that is our only indulgence. Simple presents, grill some food, hang with family, go home and chill. Maybe make it to see the ducks. Make plans for the next weekend, cancel my vacation (supposed to be the week of my anniversary) and move it to July. Get things going around the house. Work the yard, buy some grass seed, and a mower, a manual mower. We got enough yard to work as a toupee we could probably cut it with a weed whacker. We need a weed whacker too. Gotta think up a Dad’s day gift for my dad. Gotta stay in budget… although I bought a book today, one I’ve been trying to read for about two years and couldn’t even get on hold at the library – so I bought it today. Bad Quita. Any who, going to get back to work. I’ll post over the weekend…

101 things in 1001 days

2006-06-13T17:02:00.000-05:00

I found this and thought it was cool so I’m doing it. You can do it too, I’m gonna post my list in the side bar for updating and stuff. If you do it let me see your list – I’d love to know what you really want to do!
The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as new year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.
2. Stay Focussed. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.
3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.
4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.
5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.

Start an herb garden

Paint on canvas

Buy a digital SLR camera

Visit another country

Redesign blaquepen website or build photography website

Biek ride at least twice a week

Take an actual yoga class

Furnish our home

Start saving money for retirement again

Make a book i.e. hand bind my poetry

write letters to friends

get a passport

Make attending soulard market a part of my regular routine

Make a substantial dent in our family debt

Enter a photography contest

Write a short story (and complete it!)

Weight around 180 lbs

Eat at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.

Try 10 new restaurants

try a round of golf

Buy that original piece of art that I loved in Memphis if still avalible

Go camping

play poker in Vegas

Get plant for the house

go camping

Ride my bike to work for thirty days

purchase 25 CD’s or LP’s

buy a record player

Throw a theme party

Get the dog back into training

go to the movies 10 times

clean my credit,

go to the dentist

but a light kit for my photography

purchase lawn care equipment and use it

paint most of the house over

scrapbook 1 page a day for thirty days

have another baby

turn off t.v twice a week and spend all that time with Cammy

Get a bonsai tree

have a game night

write a new PERFORMANCE POEM AND PERFORM IT

work on a job I could enjoy

go to Hawaii

teach Cammy to ride a bike

stop biting my nails

Read three books I would have never picked up

organize the bookshelves in the dining room

Remove the wall paper from the bathroom walls

get the kitchen cabinets fixed

finish the back hallway painting

make five new local real life mom friends

make sure jerry has more time to write

become less of a techno geek

get a new computer

get a new TV

make a firm decision on house renovations

go horse back riding

be more patient

do a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle

use the chocolate fountain at least three times

draft a legal will

take inventory for insurance purposes

Sort the mail as it arrives, rather than let it accumulate into a huge pile

Go on a dress-up date with Jerry

go paintball fight

water balloon fight

document Grandma Vorece’s memories

have a pool party at my house

do a newborn photo shoot

hang out all night like I’m still in college

make homemade ice cream

buy a black cocktail dress and heels

cook one recipe for each cook book in my house

go to the batting cages

make sushi at home

see someone who I would normally only see at a poetry reading outside of a poetry reading

meet 13 and the say it ain’t lucky in person

meet Gretchen (Sarah’s sister) in person

potty train Cammy

binky break Cammy

Get Cammy into New city school

Go to the new Stadium for a game

release my poetry CD

learn the words to Rock the Kasbah

take boxing/sparring lessons

make my bed everyday

pray for at least a half hour daily – longer if necessary

go to church at least twice a month

finish learning how to knit

get wireless headphones and ergonomic keyboard for work

build kitchen kit for culinary class

spend more time with my mom

spend more time with my dad

sit with my husband and talk more often

take dancing lessons with Jerry

take a rail America trip

have dinner at a Missouri winery

be happier

buy myself an outfit I wouldn’t normally wear

ride a roller coaster with Jerry

1st Monday Of the Week

2006-06-12T14:59:00.000-05:00

Hey gang! How was your weekend? Ours was easy, I didn’t get out and do near as much as I wanted to but my husband was way happy to just chill out and actually relax. So that was a plus. Next Sunday is Cammy’s birthday, I’m going to plan a small birthday party, nothing too fancy. Just our family and a few friends a cake and call it a day. No costumes this year, no clowns. I think the theme is gonna be for the adults bring your favorite children’s book. I’ve ordered the cake and am avoiding all of the character stuff that I see everywhere. She loves too many shows and characters, (Diego is the man lately, while I am fond of the Backyardagins.) to try and decorate the house in cartoon faces, merchandised cups and hats, as well as the obscene mark up on that crap, I simply cannot be a party to such debauchery.
Anywho Cammy and I sent to see how she felt about the bicycle trailer that I really want to get, and ran into – pardon the expressions – one of wildest Caucasian moments of the year for me. We went to REI to check out that trailer and they were apparently having some big top secret garage sale that apparently wasn’t top secret, cause there was a line to get into that bad boy at least a block long. I don’t have the patience for such shenanigans so I just stood at he door with the kid until they opened up and went in. And you know Ihad to follow the crowd cause this is some stuff I had never seen before. See, honestly, I’m not that kind of shopper, I stay home on black Friday, I try to get my Christmas shopping done by October. I’m not afraid to shop on line, cause I don’t like hunting for stuff in store after store. When I go to the mall, its just to look. I don’t do a whole lot of shopping. So to see hundreds – literally hundreds of white people standing out side of this store from as early as 5:30 a.m, for the chance to get ski boots at a hefty discount, I was simply out done. There were no black people waiting for in this line. I saw like one asian guy and that was it, and he was with like his college frat buddies, Brad and Dave, and they were talking about Spelunking. Who the hell Spelunks and what is it for crying out loud? It was as though every rock climbing, hiking, camping, enthusiast apparently has a membership and waits for this sale like - for real - and are excited to be sitting on the sidewalk for the chance to own a Camelback hydration pack for 29.95. I'm like What the hell is a Camelback hydration pack and will it spit on me if I take too long doing what ever it is you do while you have it on? People were drooling over this stuff. I thought I knew people of every persuasion, apparently I don’t know any extreme REI people. I don’t know whether to thank God for that one or not. Cammy was really amused by the tents set up in the store, and when we get to a house with a yard, I’ll get her one to play in the yard with.
That was all besides the point- why we actually went to the store that was the point. The trailer – that’s what I was talking about. She thought that was okay as long as it was moving, she wanted nothing to do with it when it was standing still for longer than a few minutes. She looked through all the pockets, and seems to be able to reach everything easily and was comfortable. So I’ll be picking on of those up shortly.
Cammy was out done at the presence of a Cammy sized bike. So Apparently that will be the birthday present of ohh and ahh proportions. I think I’m gonna pick up some other small things, like toy appliances so she can feel like she’s cooking with me more, a DVD or two and a few books. She actually helps a lot, in the kitchen, she just gets a little hands on some times and does a little too much, then looks at me like – what? I wasn’t supposed to crack six eggs into the bowl? We made more cookies and she helped me with French toast and vanilla custard Sunday morning.
I think tonight’s dinner will be Chicken Kiev. I’m trying to think more entertaining and less regular for dinner, cost effective and time conscious. That’s a difficult trio to accomplish together. But I must try. My husband is spoiled, and I’ve got to keep my game tight. Besides I get moody when we don’t eat well, so we are gonna see what I can come up with.

Hey just a reminder – if you have AT&T phone service, DSL, Dish network, are moving or have moved in the last thirty days, Starting a business anything at all in that arena, let me know. I’m working on a special project and I could use all the help I can get.

Fifteen minutes past bed time

2006-06-11T00:19:00.000-05:00

There is this poet whom I really, really love, Her name is Bassey Ikpi. She’s great but kinda like Sade, you can’t read or listen to too much cause if you’re not careful you’ll commit suicide. Exactly. She made this mention in her journal and I love it so much I sent her a friend request via her myspace, despite the fact that I haven’t left a comment on her actual journal in months. Any way here is the quote:

if you need a song, then you don't have a poem. That would probably be your first problem. So I probably won't be going to very many open mics. – Bassey

man do you know how much I am feeling that?!?! Do you know I had to stop going to open mics? They were killing me, I had stopped respecting the mic – I had to stop going.
I miss writing poetry. I haven’t just written in a long while. My only communion with other poets has only come via blogs and websites ect. I miss sitting in a room with people who are better writers than me and soaking up everything they have to give. I am sad to say I believe I am one of the best writers in the St Louis spoken word scene, and that totally sucks because – dude I’m really only like okay. Do you know how much that sucks to not have inspiration from other writers? And then I’m not depressed, so that means I have less ammo to fire with, and I love my husband but he’s not cheating and I’m not hurting and its not that kind of drama filled relationship so –dang it- I don’t have that whole pool of hurt and self loathing to pull from. Its like a Mary J bilge album, you know they are better when Mary is hurting. When KC left her ass that album was off the banger. Happy Mary? That joint is just gonna be okay.

Any who – anybody else sick of the myth that pregnancy is only nine months long , 40 weeks is TEN count’em 10 months , so how ev’ry body keep getting nine months out of that?

This week I got my new drivers license with my married name on it. Got our marriage certificate too, couldn’t get one with out the other. My husbands chest got all puffed out when I showed him the new plastic card that now identifies me as his wife. That’s a lot ot give up your name. As if in marrying you become a different person. I wonder if I am different than I would be if I had not married? Men’s names don’t change – are they expected to stay the same?

I don’t like cough drops.

I should have taken Cammy out to the park today, I didn’t. I lost mom points on that one. We’ll go outside tomorrow.

I need ink for the printer.

The guy at the bike shop laughed when I told him I was looking for a bike trailer for my kid so I could finish my suburban mom transformation. I remember when I was cool, then I gave birth and its like I forgot to check my cool out of the hospital. Now I’m mom. I’m the kid of mom who goes to kiddie gym, and need a bike trailer, and goes to interview school, and I could go on but its boring.

I’m rambling now and this is getting long, so I’m gonna post it.

tagged again

2006-06-08T09:33:00.000-05:00

Four Jobs I’ve Had
Party Pic Chick
Sales Associate
Service Rep
Facility specialist
Four Movies I can Watch Over and Over
Insert Julia Roberts movie
Insert J Lo movie
Weird science
Spanglish
Four Places I’ve Lived
Columbia MO
St Louis
Four TV Shows I love
Firefly
Entourage
Big Love
Grey’s Anatomy
Four highly regarded and recommended TV shows I haven't seen (much of)
Nobody recommends much tv to me…
Four places I've vacationed
Jamaica
florida
California
Mexico
Four of my favorite dishes
Chicken Marsala
Jerry’s Grilling
Seafood Alfredo
Salmon
Four sites I visit daily
Urbis
full tilt poker
My Blog to cruise the blogs in my blogroll
Jerry’s blog
Mamalogues.com
Four places I'd rather be right now:
Home with Cammy paid in full
Anguilla
Spain
A culinary school with a full four year scholarship and living expenses for my family
Four new bloggers I'm tagging
Um, I don’t know any new bloggers except Spoken, so Spoken…

Its peanut butter jelly time!!!

2006-06-07T10:19:00.000-05:00

Not really.

I've ripping this directly from This Fish (heather’s) blog, It seemed like funand a new game for us all to play. And it will give you lurkers a chance to make your selves seen… at least a lil bit. So let's play shall we! Here’s how it works - you ask questions (even if they are awkward and uncomfortable) and I answer. Or, in the words of Heather “I tap-dance around and appear as though I am answering, but much like your parents in your impressionable, formative years, I practice avoidance.”

Or I may give you the answer no matter if you like the answer or not, or even if I don’t like the answer. We’ll see what you all come up with.

I just may tell you to go ask your mother. Or look it up.

But who knows what may come of this madness, if I lose readers I’ma go on over to This fish and take Heathers. But I ain’t Skerd!! Let's give it a shot. You Q; I'll A. Go!

Blog 4 2day

2006-06-06T10:53:00.000-05:00

This had been an interesting weekend.
But we got through it, and I feel pretty good about my husband and I, and our ability to keep moving. God blessed us, truly blessed us Saturday, and we were able to handle an unexpected problem (car battery died) without major, major problems, despite being in the middle of what could be easily considered less than ideal circumstances. Adding on to that – while my husband can build you a kick arse computer, and fix your computer when it goes all hey wire strange with a ZILLION pop ups (which he did this weekend as well - gotta get him a greatest hubby in the world cup) he cannot however remove the car battery. Alas he is not perfect, just perfect for me. So entered my Dad wearing his Super Daddy Cape, and taught my hubby a new useful trick. Gotta love that. Dad’s are great, in my experience and if you have one avalible, as a woman I personally believe you have to be content with your relationship with him (your father) in order to understand yourself and the relationships you nurture with other men. That is another post. Back to the weekend, we helped my mom with her yard on Sunday, along with my sister and almost brother in law. My brother is still on my couch, my brother’s boyfriend is still on my chase. My house is still Fuller than a mug. Several of those people filling my house have made statement about how they don’t want to be a burden and “I’m not a part of the burden you are dealing with am I?” and that is a sticky question.
Lets look at the situation shall we. We live in a two bedroom apartment. One room Cammy dominated, the other bed room our personal love nest. A dining room, kitchen with no table, Living room containing couch and chase, and futon in Cammy’s room. Everybody’s broke or lets face it – they wouldn’t be in my house. I got extra people floating though like my house is a stop and shop, cousins, uncles and any random relative who lives or works in a six block radius or a twenty minute drive comes by and grabs a snack, takes a shower, sits, surfs the net, naps, uses the phone, comps the leftovers, what ever they would do if they owned the place they tend to do cause I own it. On top of that I got a whole three extra grown people in my house at any given moment who for all practical purposes live there. I can’t keep groceries in the house, ever- Can’t keep juice for the kid. Can’t have a minute with my husband – Can’t have sex in the dining room, shoot can’t have loud sex in the bedroom, Can’t walk around completely comfortable, however my husband could care less who is there – when its time for the pants to come off they are coming off and it’s a boxer underwear show for all. And while all of this is a lot, the most frustrating thing is, you can’t tell people how to fix their situations. My brother for instance, has been at my house for a week on wed, but he hasn’t found an apartment. Not necessarily a horrible thing, but man you gotta be sick of sleeping on a couch, right? Its been cool in some ways, like my brother cleans up the place great, he and Dwayne aren’t underfoot really, they are just there and he and Spoken keep Cammy from waking me up a five in the morning. Which is AWESOME! And Cammy loves having them there with her, she loves her uncle Rocky, and he can do no wrong in her eyes.
So that’s why the question is sticky. Are they a burden, yes. But it is what family does they accept your burden because you belong to them. They belong to me. So I don’t expect them to magically not be a burden tomorrow. When I say you can stay with me and my family, what I am in effect saying is that – come and let me, let us help you with your burden. And I (meaning either Jerry or I) am allowed to get a little agitated at times, as well as they will, we are five adults and a toddler living in a space meant for a couple, its not gonna be pretty everyday. I was complaining about how small our space was when it was just he and I, let alone once Cammy came along. So imagine how it feels now. I know the set of them will probably be in my house for a little while, and spoken probably until she can get this car thing ironed out and a apartment worked out – hopefully by mid July. But they are welcome there – even when they drive me crazy, they are welcome here. Now I would like it if Spoken would at least try to get a ride home from work every once in a while not every day – just once in a while – cause it’s not just the gas part of driving all the time that is annoying, it’s the actual driving part, the extra miles and wear and tear on the car and the driving part, did I mention the driving? Cause there is that whole driving part I’m not real fond of. Getting up after getting all settled in for the night to – you guessed it – Drive for an hour. Like I hate driving so much that I am looking for a job in down town St Louis so I can ride my bike to work. Seriously. We could cut down our commute and save gas money and I could RIDE a BIKE to WORK. How cool is that?
Any who I’m moving on to yesterday. Which was a good day. Had its moments – I made a few mistakes at work, annoying costly mistakes, but I was able to leave that at work which is always a good thing. Cammy and I went to the library, she let me read her a whole book at bed time and we got to sit and talk and just be together a little bit which was great. I found a book Jerry mentioned a little while ago and got that for him, proving I do listen to all the stuff he says even though he doesn’t think I do. Cammy and I got to play and work with puzzles, and look at picture books. She is dying for information, she just sucked it all up. Which means I’m slacking on the educate Cammy front, I think I’ll use her birthday to get it together. She really is the best kid I could have asked for. I think I’m also going to work on getting some back drops and stands so I can take more photos. There is a new camera coming out I really want. I’m afraid J is gonna veto that purchase. I’ma have to work on that. Anywho I’m gonna go back to work and try not to get distracted anymore today…

2006-06-03T11:40:00.000-05:00

BREAKFAST TIME

Cause it makes everything better....

Remembering Kissing

2006-06-02T14:55:00.000-05:00

I was reading Thoughts desire and she was talking about first kisses. She and her significant other were watching Hitch and they got into the discussion about if she could remember all her first kisses.

Thoughts Desire’s blog
My baby and I were sitting here watching the movie Hitch. And they got to the
part where Hitch was explaining to Brenneman how you only get one chance to make that first impression and the first kiss is such a huge part of it and how some
women even take the first kiss as being indicative of the kind of relationship
that awaits her. Then in a different scene, we watched as Brenneman just had his
first kiss and upon Allegra closing the door for the night and he dances down
the street.

And that got me to thinking. About my first kisses, and the ones that stick with me and provide warm memories that actually did tell me what kind of relationship I was looking into. Those are, ironically the only ones I remember.
My first kiss with Jerry for instance, was the night we actually first met – in person, cause as it is known we met on the internets. I like saying internets rather than internet. I don’t know why I just do. Anywho, We were watching cartoon network at like two thirty in the morning. And I was feeling emboldened, here I was with this man who I had asked to come home with me (which was a new thing for me), and I was enjoying his company, he made me laugh. And I was so comfortable next to him and I though to my self, “Self, you could kiss him.” Despite the fact that I had said to myself before I went on this date that even if I liked him I wasn’t gonna kiss him. But we were sitting there in bad lighting and his eyes just swam like melted chocolate, they still do. And I was just like man I bet he tastes good. So I sat on his lap (totally out of character for me) and kissed him. He was so gentle and his lips were so soft, and his hand – just one -was on my hip with just enough pressure for me to know it was there. It made me feel safe, like I just knew he wouldn’t hurt me. I wanted to be around him for a while after that, didn’t want him to go home. It didn’t exactly make me want to run down the street dancing like Albert Brenneman, but I did sit in the dark and smile about it for a few nights after. Shoot I got up and made breakfast and it was just a kiss!!! It was a very good kiss.

Just for giggles

They Both Prefer Meat

Mother to little girl: Eat your vegetables.
Little girl: I'm opposed to vegetables.
Father: Hey, your brother is opposed to dating women, and apparently we're letting that one slide.

--Jackson Hole, 2nd Ave

via Overheard in New York, Jun 1, 2006

Cause it was there

2006-06-01T11:02:00.000-05:00

http://www.shaveeverywhere.com/

you need to see this. Really. Thanks to thoughts daughter for supplying today’s moment.